I have issues...looking at therapy, but don't know what good it'll do.?

Question

Issues include long periods of depression and feelings of insecurity. I think I've got problems where I make myself feel horrible. Sometimes when I'm making love to my fiance, I'll think her with the other guys she's been with, and I won't be able to continue. I know everyone has a past, and hers is really very tame, but I just can't get these thoughts out of my head. I usually wake up with things like that in my mind first thing in the morning. When this happens, the whole morning is shot. I don't know if maybe I'm too messed up for a relationship, or if I'm maybe too immature. I'm 30 years old, educated, and sometimes very happy. I know my fiance is getting sick of it, but I can't seem to help it. I know this question is an easy target for insults, so I'll just ignore all those. I am looking for help.

Thanks.

Answer 1

I didn't think therapy would help with my panic disorder either. And it didn't solve my problems like I thought it would, but it did give me the tools I needed to work things out for myself. I think therapy would be very worthwhile. Its not as weird as people make it out to be. I went twice a week and talked to a lady about how my week was going and she helped me determine what I could do to make the next week better than the current one. I hope it works out for you! Good luck!

Answer 2

Counseling does help people who want to help themselves. You will have to be open and very honest with whomever you chose to be your therapist. I strong recommend, after 30 years in the field of mental health, that you chose a license social worker, licensed psychologist or a board certified psychiatrist to be the person who helps you discover the root of your problem.

Your medical insurance should cover some sessions, limited by the PPO list so make sure whomever you pick has been certified/licensed. Also, if you are limited on money or no insurance, you can go to your local mental health center which usually charges on a sliding-fee-scale.

When depression, insecurity or other issues in your life has lasted more than six months, then it is time to reach out to the mental health professionals. IF the professional recommendations medication, which has to be prescribed by the psychiatrist, then go for it on a short-term basis in addition to the individual and couples counseling.

There is nothing wrong with needing help. If you broke your arm you would go see a doctor and right now you make it sound like you have some "broken segments" in your life.

Answer 3

When you find yourself doing that again, say to yourself, in your mind, as forcefully as possible: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE!!!" You may prefer to use either "ploy, game, ruse, trick, or scam", instead of "tactic". Persist with this, and eventually you will reprogram your mind. Some people find that it helps that process if they keep a rubber band (not tight!) around their wrist, and when such thoughts occur, stretch and release. In the meantime, learn to pleasure her in other ways: ask what she likes most; tell her you believe she has a right to expect sexual satisfaction, and that you are working on just that at present, so if she could bear with you for a while longer, you really would appreciate it. Practice for 15 - 20 mins daily, and when needed, the method at http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ or gaze at a burning candle in a quiet, darkened room for 20 mins; both the above achieve maximum results if practiced 3 times daily, some hours apart. Tai Chi & yoga may help (http://www.yogasite.com); ask her to join you in all the above, as she may not like feeling excluded, and invite her to accompany you in 30 - 60 mins of daily vigorous exercise, too. Eat healthily, and keep occupied. Take a vitamin B complex, and 4 fish oil supplements, daily. See a doctor, in case the depression is thyroid related, and therapy may help, but I would avoid antidepressants for the time being, as they sometimes intefere with sexual function. Taking St. John's Wort for several weeks, then seeing if you can cope, just using the above, is an option, but it can affect other medication, so tell your doctor, if on any. I suggest viewing http://www.coolnurse.com/self_ (.com/self_esteem3.htm) and http://www.ethoughts.org/insecurity.htm

Answer 4

You seem to understand yourself quite well. And you are obviously intelligent. Therapy could be useful but you should make sure you are seeing a qualified psychologist. Your depression, if that is really what it is can be caused by poor nutrition. Make sure you are eating good food regularly.. As for fears about former boyfriends, if you cannot be content with the fact that she has chosen you, then seek help. A little guidance and talking to a non-judgemental person may be all you need.

Answer 5

You should get someone to talk to. It may not need to professional, but someone trustworthy and trained. After my mother's death I was suicidal, and I sought counseling. The first girl I talked to was HORRIBLE!! She just repeated back what I said to her. The second lady I spoke to was GREAT, she listened and offered things to help me cope. You need to find the right person for you. If you know that your fiancee's past was tame, then thank GOD for that. I am a single mother, so not only does my potential husband have to think of who I've been with, he has a walking talking reminder. Just try to examine your past relationships and figure out where you started having those trust issues...all relationships...mother, grandmother, all relationships. I hope you get the help you need.

Answer 6

You sound like you already know what the problem is.

Therapy can be very helpful. Speaking as a therapist myself, the most important thing is to find the right one, one with whom you feel comfortable. You might need to "interview" several before settling on one. In addition, there are many different therapy approaches, so you will want to describe your problems and be sure that the therapist tells you what his or her approach is, and how they think it will help you.

Good luck.

Answer 7

You right, you need to go for therapy or you may lose her. It is hard for some people to forget/forgive that our partners have had a past. But it is a past, not a present or a future. Just remember that she chose you over everyone else and that should count for a lot.

Answer 8

u sound depressed go to a counsler.