Should I keep in contract with an abusive mother just to secure inheritance?

Question

i am a 29 years old and have a 56 abusive mother, all my life i remember she slapps me, bang my head to the wall, also verbally put me down on a daily basis, i've moved out 6 years ago and happily live with my boyfriend. I tried to keep a superficial relationship with my mother, but everytime i see her i feel insulted and abused emotionally, she says things like 'you are not very good looking', or 'you will never be as successful as me', or 'your boyfriend only loves you because he is sick, otherwise he wouldn't go out with you'. She is so poisonous and jealous of my life, always try to put me down with every chance. So i've decided to cut her out of my life by stop visiting or calling her. She calls me recently and said if i be a 'good' daughter, she may give me a house after she die, I have a well paid job but with house market so expensive its good to know i will get a free house, but is it worth it?

Answer 1

I'm in the same situation with my father.

I guess you just have to weigh the pros against the cons...don't do it if it's ultimatley going to hurt you

Answer 2

What exactly does that mean to be a "good" daughter?
There is a big problem here.
She's only 56. She might live to be a hundred years old. When she's 100, then you'd be 73, I think?
She may need long-term care or other medical care at some point. That means that she will call upon you to take her in and clean her up and do all the nurse things. Why do you have to make "nice?" What is she doing for you? Shouldn't she make "nice?"

I mean, just thinking here:
1:There is no guarantee that she might not change her mind at some point. She does not seem to be very reliable. Plus, a house that's not well-kept can cost you more and cause you a lot of headaches.

2: You can buy your own house/apartment/townhouse. Yes you can! Start saving for a downpayment NOW. You'll see it accumulates fast. And before you know it you can afford a place! Show her that you can make it on your own. Because it is very clear from what you write that she thinks you don't have it in you to buy a place.

I think you should tell her thanks but no thanks. And if she wants to give something, then she should give money for when you have children, for a college fund. In this case, I'd say that cash is better than a house. Plus, if you get the house, YOU will be the one who has to travel there, stay around for days and weeks to clean out the entire house. You'll have to sell off stuff. Before that you'll have to handle and touch every single item in that house. Do you want that?

Answer 3

Are you sure 100% you will get this house? I was going ot say for a large sum of money I personaly would keep up a superficial relationship but stay very distance. Sounds like your mother has some serious issues and you DONT need that in your life. You cant live like that for the hope of a house. Cutt her off. I know it will hurt deep down but it seems like it only hurts worse ot keep her in your life. Good Luck girl and I only wish you the best in your life. Im so happy you moved out and got with someone who makes you happy!

Answer 4

She sounds like she's trying to manipulate you more. I can't tell you what to do, but I can give you some things to think about.

What are the chances that she would pull this rug out from under you in her will? Did she do things similar to this to you before? Has she promised something good like this, and come through on it?

Do you have any siblings? Did she abuse them the same way? Would she play one off against the other?

Is the house something you'd like, or would you just say, "forget it"? Is it in a good neighborhood? Is it in good shape, or does it need updating? Does it fit your needs - is it close to work, in an area of good schools, close to shopping, etc?

Try to picture yourself "being a good daughter", and see what your heart or your gut tells you about that. Then picture yourself leading life your own way, without worrying about what mom wants, and listen to what your heart says then. That may help you decide.

Answer 5

My cards say....keep mom on a "need to know basis" about your life and when she puts you down, just say "I understand". Calm your inner self with meditation and forgiveness. You can never move on until you forgive her for being as she is. She's not going to change for you or anyone else. My cards say to grieve the mother you never had and let it go. Why keep hurting yourself? Take control of your life again and stop taking it personally. It's a game now to your mother. My cards say she knows you well and what "pushes your buttons". You can stop those buttons by limiting your contact and keeping your cool when you're with her. Keep in touch just to insure that you have no regrets when she is no longer in this world. My cards say don't count on inheriting anything from your mother. She's using this to get to you to have her way. Perhaps some counseling would be of benefit to you. The cards say...you can overcome this adversity if you put your heart into it...Godloveya, honey.

Answer 6

you know what? you have to stop the cycle of abuse. You will have children and do you want them to feel the way you have always felt. The house that your mother got is material and you dont need that . You need something emotional that she cant give you and dont settle for it. I know what I'm talking about because I've lived it and it can screw up you life forever and your relationship with your boyfriend unless you take control and say you are not going to abuse me anymore. Remember shes got the problem not you but you can have the problem if you let her continue.

Answer 7

I think that you should just forget about the house, and just continue to keep your distance from her. If you have a well paid job there should be some home loan out there that will work for you. Given the description of your past, I think that she might have something else on her mind other then inheritance. It's sad for me to say this about your family, but I dont think you can trust her.

Answer 8

No house is worth the abuse you are taking.I would live in a card board box before i would accept a house or anything else from her...unless you wanna be a dog for punishment.After all the abuse you say she has caused you something must be in the wind for her or maybe shemight be..and i say might be coming to her senses and has a guilty conscience.Whatever way you look at it no house is woth the hassle.

Answer 9

No. If she wasn't ever good to you, don't be good to her. Save up for a house, depression is not worth a home after a abusive mother's put downs and scars that will stay with you with the rest of your life. My opinion...anyways.

Answer 10

Keep in contact with your mother to take advantage of every opportunity to let her know you love her in spite of how she treated and/or treats you.

Be diligent in telling your mother you love her because you do. Why else would you even attempt to keep ANY kind of relationship except by your love for your mother?

Your "heart" work is to render your mother's pain powerless, so that her pain does not cause you pain. The next time you are in your mother's presence, picture what may have happened in her life to cause her to abuse you emotionally, and to be jealous of your life, and know that you are not the source of her pain.

Once you do this, once you empathize, you will see her pain, and have a different view of a woman who did not have access to examples of a healthy family relationship.

When the opportunity presents itself, let your mother know that, God forbid, if she should die before you, that you would rather have good memories of being a good daughter to a loving mother.

The house won't really be free unless it is received on a good note of a loving relationship between you and your mother.

Otherwise, to resume visiting her or calling her because she bribes you with the possibility of getting the house when she dies, or (as I see it) blackmails you to keep in touch with her so you can get the house when she dies, is a high price to pay when love is not part of the calculation.

Using the house as a pawn, could be her way of saying she wants to keep in touch with you. She just does not know how to say so in a loving way.

Allow your love for your mother to render her words ineffective to your heart. Let your love for your mother be the force that dilutes the poison of her words. Let your love for your mother be your shield against her stinging words.

Until you can learn to let your love for your mother overrule her presence to the point of not feeling pain, getting the house, that way, is not worth it.

Answer 11

Well, it's a personal choice. Only you can decide if it's worth it. I would personally try to at least be civil to her. Apparently she has a mental problem or she wouldn't treat her own child the way she does. It really sounds like she needs professional help. I am really sorry for the things you have to endure from your mom. It's really sad. Good luck to you.