Hi everyone! I have a friend that is desperate for advice. She's 15. She's a gorgeous girl, and im not just saying that. She has liked this guy for quite a while! When we were younger he was like her dream guy lol :). Anyway, she met him one day she was walking down the street by his house. He introduced himself and was being a complete gentlemen. They set up a date to hang at the park. That day he let her know he was 20. I couldn't believe it! The guy looks like he's about 17 or 18. But yea, he's 20. She quickly told me about this, and is sad because he's such a great guy to her but the age difference is a problem. Although she said he was a sweet guy and she wants a relationship with him, she showed me some of the texts he sent her on her phone. A couple times already, he has brought up the "sex" subject. Things like "i want you in bed". She's worried that he just wants her for sex and NOT a relationship. What should i tell her?! I don't want to give her the wrong advice...
2007-04-08 06:43:05 · 24 answers · asked by colorfulgarden 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She is NOT planning on having sex with him, she just really wants a relationship with him.
2007-04-08 06:45:20 · update #1
Hey! Well, I understand your dilemma...the thing is that you have to be the one to give her the bad news...The guy in his 20s...I'd say he is into her for sex. Guys at that age are usually very interested in not just sex, but having it with as many women as possible. And to get it, they devise various ways and one of them is being a gentleman, completely charming the girl into giving it up and then once they do, the guys move on. I don't want that to happen to your friend.
The thing is also that girls at 15 are very gullible (because they are mostly inexperienced and have not yet been badly burnt by guys to realize their game) and are thus great targets for guys like the one in question. Usually, I would say that age doesn't really matter, but at that age, it does...there is a great difference in experience - he has them, she doesn't and it will probably end bad.
So, my advice (aka you should tell her this):
While she doesn't have to stay away from him and ignore him (as I could be wrong about this guy and he may be very nice), she should definitely tell him that she doesn't intend to sleep with him anytime soon and he is better off looking for that somewhere else. And then see how he reacts...if I am right about him, he will most likely break all (or most) contacts with her, at which point she should forget him. If I am wrong, he might just say OK at which point she should give him a chance, but stay true to herself (aka not do anything that she doesn't want to).
Hopefully it works out well!
2007-04-08 06:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by Kat ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A 15 year old girl who is having sexual suggestions thrown at her means that she is in serious danger...no matter how old the guy is. If this 20 year old were a true gentleman, he would not be bringing up sex this early. Also, he should know that she cannot consent to sex at her age. If they were to engage in sexual relations at this time, he would be facing rape charges that amount to a felony in most states. (I know this because I am in law school.)
Tell her to tell him that sex is out of the question! If he, after being told this, appears dissapointed and/or frusterated, he is no good. She should drop him like a bad habit. If he appears to be understanding and sympathetic, he is worthy of a second chance. The best situation would be for her to wait untill she is 17. This is such borderline age that there should be very little worries about being prosecuted. Also, this would give them time to get to know each other as friends first. There is obviously no need to rush things...she is only 15, after all.
Tell her that if he is not willing to wait, that she is young, good looking and will have no trouble finding a better guy in the future.
2007-04-08 06:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by Anthony's Law 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Funny, my daughter-in-laws brother is in exactly that situation. He's been dating an older woman for sometime now. I would say yes, he's probably very uncomfortable. Did he know when you got involved that you had teenage children? Did you ever ask him how he would feel about meeting them, or did this come as a surprise to him? If not, I would not be to quick to hang him out to dry just yet. Perhaps you could arrange for a casual meeting where your kids don't know who he is. Give them a chance to get to know each other before they attach any stigmas. By the way how do your kids feel about your involvement. If you have hinted at any time that they don't approve, that could be adding to his discomfort. As for not calling, he is probably afraid to in case one of your kids answers. Hope this helps.
2016-05-20 00:27:47 · answer #3 · answered by amada 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well she should say these words to him "statatory rape of a underage minor is about I think 15 yrs" If he doesn't run away from that faster than a roadrunner, he's a complete idiot and needs to have his sorry *** turned into the cops. Honestly, for her safety she should talk to her parents about this or show the police these texts and have him arrested before he DOES hurt a innocent girl. Not trying to be a stick in the mud about this but just a older wiser chick who has been there done that so to say. Best advice, leave him alone!!!!
2007-04-08 06:54:46 · answer #4 · answered by 3000gthottie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of what she wants, getting involved with this guy is against the law. She is under the age of legal consent (18) and if they were to become involved, he could face charges. She either needs to wait until she's 18 or find someone under the age of 18.
Sex is not an issue...there doesn't need to be sex involved for this guy to get into a lot of trouble.
2007-04-08 06:49:15 · answer #5 · answered by emt_me911 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to run for the hills. No twenty year-old guy should be hitting on a fiften year-old girl. EVER. There's way too much of an age and maturity difference there. Tell her to hold out for a guy who's a lot closer to her age.
Also, even if she's not planning on sleeping with him, it's clearly on his agenda. It's only going to get worse.
2007-04-08 06:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by mogley583 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend should stay away from him. No 15 year ole girl should be dealing with a 20 year old guy. If a guy that age approached my daughter, who is 15, he would be in jail. The fact that he's mentioning sex to her can land him in jail.
2007-04-08 06:48:15 · answer #7 · answered by demetria_nyree 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he knows she's 15 then really HE SHOULD NOT BE suggesting that they have sex. He could go to JAIL!!
She shouldn't go there.
Girl as an older women (21yrs) to you and your mate.He should respect her and wait til she's 16.Men have a tendancy to be really nice to women when they want sex.They show us with compliments.They make us think that they are too nice to be the sex hungry beasts they are.
I really don't want your friend to be rushed into anything too soon.loosing your virginity to the wrong man will haunt you for life. BE WISE!!
If he's really a nice guy then make him wait.
2007-04-08 07:04:17 · answer #8 · answered by Lil CeeCee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her that this teenager (20) is a liar . and he uses her until he gets her in bed , and if he was interested in her , he should treat her with some respect , and to take care of her feelings , and not to send her such these nasty texts . you should also tell her that she is still too young to discover who is good guy an who is bad guy , so she must listen to the older friends and take their advice seriously . and that's for her good .
2007-04-08 07:00:44 · answer #9 · answered by m 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend's "dream guy" is a wannabe rapist. He is planning a statutory rape if not a forcible one. Tell your friend to stay away because any 20 yo that asks a 15 yo for sex isn't looking for a "relationship."
2007-04-08 06:48:42 · answer #10 · answered by e_d_ellis2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋