Do you ever feel judged on the way you discipline your kids by people that aren't parents?

Question

I really struggle with this one. I feel as though they are constantly telling us the way they would handle discipline. It makes me very edgy when I am around these people. I know that I need to get over this and be able to shrug it off. It just annoys me soooo much! Any suggestions?

Answer 1

My husband and I have this problem also, mostly with family. Especially when I tell my son not to do something and they step in and say no it's ok, he's fine. They do not even no why I'm telling him not to do something and they don't even ask. There could be past situations of why I'm telling him no, or even safety reasons. We just ignore them and go on. We've even left dinners for this reason. Remember they are your kids. Best wishes.

As far as in public a dirty look and an ignore usually get the job done for us.

Answer 2

I would like to preface this answer with the fact that I am NOT a parent, I am a 20 year old woman (yes, at twenty i believe I can call myself a woman, as opposed to a girl) with an 8 year old brother. I have always been the complimentary baby sitter, and as a teen I was usually around the house, anyways, and believe I have enough experience to say something when there is a huge issue. I define a huge issue as a child under the age of ten causing a huge disturbance while the parents either ignore or idly watch their child's behavior. Having worked as a waitress and before that as a hostess for nearly four years, I run into this situation a lot. When a child is out of control, I will politely ask the parents to please keep the child quieter and closer to their own table, as he/she is dsturbing other guests. More than half the time, I am rather rudely rebuffed on either a 'mind your own business' or a 'you'e so young you couldn't possibly have kids or know what you're talking about' count. First, it is my own business if for no other reason that if the atmosphere of the restaurant is disturbed by a rowdy child, myself and my coworkers lose money by way of small or non-existant tips from irritated customers. Second, if your child is running around wreaking havoc and you are the only person who hasn't noticed that this is a problem, perhaps you need some parenting tips from those around you who are bothered.

Answer 3

I agree that people without children should leave the little things alone. I don't have children, either. I work with special needs kids and I have also done a lot of babysitting. I also raised 3 kids for 4 months.I have had to constantly try different things while watching children so on SOME level I am more open minded to different approaches. I would never tell a parent they were doing anything wrong. ALthough if I point out to a relative that letting thier kids run around barefoot outside when it's 35 degrees and raining ( no coats and short sleaves) I am told since I don't have children I don't know what I'm talking about. ( wonder why they stay so sick?)Those without kids DO have common sense. I have friends to ask me to please take over for them with thier kids because thier patience is gone. ( I know it's a lot different when you have the child 24/7 and so do they) They know I'm still calm and rational and can handle things without losing it.
Like I said, raising your kids is your business, but parents, don't ask for my opinion and then tell me I don't know what I'm talking about.

Answer 4

Honestly I think not enough kids get disciplined by their parents and that's why we have so many young social deviates out their in the world. Some parents want to "be friends" with their kids. They don't want their kids hating them. Well, sorry that's part of parenthood. There is a huge difference between whipping (with a hand) and beating. I whipped my daughter one time on the backside for throwing a fit in a grocery store. A man walked behind me and very sarcastically said "why don't you just kill the kid?" I turned on him and said "why don't you mind your own business?" I'm sorry but anyone who is not a parent has no idea. No one has to see and hear the things I see and hear come from my kids 24/7 but me. If anyone else thinks they can handle my kids attitudes, fits, and screaming without an occasional butt-whipping be my guest. My 6-yr-old daughter stabbed my 9-month old son in the head with a pencil, what I should have congratulated her on a job well done? No. I spanked her hind end. Children have got to learn discipline. True their are many different forms of discipline but when one fails it's time to try another, then another until you get to the last resort of corporal punishment.
Their is no such thing as a perfect parent. No one will ever get it right. I got my butt whipped plenty times growing up (when I deserved it not just out of the blue) and I think I turned out alright. I have a lot more respect and compassion for people and property than most people my age (or older and younger for that matter). Parenting is not just about protecting and providing, but about teaching as well, and that means rules, rewards and punishments. People that think spanking should be completely out-lawed, get over it.

Answer 5

This one really used to get on my nerves and frankly it still does. But thankfully not as much. I started by responding when "your child gets to be this age then we can talk about how to handle things, it's not as easy as you think." And I would end it there. Being a parent is the hardest job on earth. And each child is different no matter what. If you encounter these type of people when you are very overwhelmed I suggest you try as much as you can to ignore it at that moment. Because it's not even worth it. Because when your overwhelmed anything can come out your mouth which you might regret later especially if your child is there. Oh another thing I found out when these people end up having children they can't handle it. So remember each "struggle" you are going through with your child will only make you stronger and wiser. ( I know it doesn't feel like that at the moment, but darn it don't you feel proud of yourself once you overcome it!? ;) So chin up, eyes forward and more power to you!! So pour yourself a glass of milk and cheers to yourself, for the hard work that you do. My best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 6

I ran into this all the time when I was raising my kids. I even had some people saying it's no big deal so don't get thrilled about grandchildren because I was all excited and come to find out his "grandchildren" were ready made by marriage.
Keep in mind that every parent makes mistakes, you'll make them, but these people have no idea what it is to deal with a child or a group of children on a daily basis. I would just say, "yeah yeah, we'll see how you do when and IF you ever have kids". Kind of joking but they'll get the point.

Answer 7

I'm sorry for what you're being put through. but you have to discipline your child/children the way that you see fit. you know what works and what doesn't. and you can't back down when other people stick their noses in your business.
sometimes you just have to be honest and tell family members/friends, that if they keep interfering with the way you're raising your children, you will be forced to keep the children away from them.
I've seen family members interfere with the way a child was being raised to the point that when the child was 5 and went to kindergarten, the parents were called to school constantly because the child would not mind, and was hurting the other children constantly. then, when the teenage years hit, the child was totally uncontrollable. if everything didn't go her way, it was a nightmare, to say the least.
she is now an adult, and still has to learn everything the hard way. she still thinks that everything should be handed to her on a silver platter. but is finally beginning to realize that if she'd only listened to her parents, she would have been spared a lot of terrible mistakes and heartache.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is that you need to dicipline your children and make sure that they listen to you regardless of what someone else may have to say. and it the other person/people won't respect the way you choose to dicipline your kids, then you nor your children need them in your lives. I know that may sound harsh, but children need boundaries and discipline, and when someone comes in and upsets that balance in their lives, they begin to believe that they don't have to mind you anymore. and that's where the big problems start.
these are your kids, and they will grow up to thank you for teaching them how to be strong, stable, responsible adults.
you just have to tell the ones who are interfering, hey, these are my kids, and I'm responsible for their well being and this is the way I choose to discipline them. it's not an open topic for discussion so deal with it, and keep your opinions to yourself. and mean it.
I wish you the best.

Answer 8

Before I had my kids, I thought I knew it all. I remember being someplace public, like a restaurant, or church, and watching other peoples' kids going nuts. Clearly these parents didn't have a clue and needed to develop a stronger hand with their youngsters.

Then I had my daughter, and notions of effective discipline went right out the window. Anything that family members of helpful souls "suggested" completely backfired. I realized at that point that every child is different, and, overall, every parent is doing the best he/she can. So when someone criticized (openly or otherwise) how or what I was doing, I smiled sweetly, said thank you, and went about my business.

Then I hired paid assassins. ;-)

Answer 9

Just tell the busy body's that if you warm up butt cheeks a few degree's ear wax has a tendency to start melting. It's a scientific fact... it was studied at the UNIVERSITY OF REAL LIFE PARENTING...... Anyone that does not discipline their child will have a child or childeren that run the household. My old neighbor used to ask her 6 year old son if HE wanted to go to wal-mart, if he said no she didn't go - now how funny is that. Who is the parent here. When my Daughter was about three I went to the grocery store with her and her mother. My daughter was a perfect angel. My ex was absolutely amazed she had no idea that she didn't have control over her own daughter. When my daughter has gone to the store with me in the past I'd put her in the cart and she'd stand up and grab for things I told he to sit down nicely she didn't so I put her down by pressing on her shoulder and at the back of the knees You should have seen the look she gave me... it was of total amazement that I actually did something and not throw out a bunch of empty threats..... as her mother does i.e. I'm gonna ... 10 times and never do anything. My daughter has figured out that mom's not going to so she keeps doing it. Now if I'm there all I have to do is look at her and she knows that I mean business. Children should have all kinds of LOVE givin to them but they also need someone to set the guidlines and someone that will hold them to those guidlines that YOU set not theirs. Parents are not to make their childeren fear them but respect them and to do that they have to have some discipline.

Answer 10

Honestly, shrugging them off is probably not your best bet. In my mom's experience as a single parent, the people she shrugged off just heaped it on more.

You should be annoyed. I am not a parent, but I am disgusted by the level of lofty rudeness it takes to tell someone how to parent if you don't have any offspring of your own. They simply cannot and do not know what parenting is like, and have no experience to base their beliefs on. It would be just like a manicurist telling you how you ought to fix your car. Preposterous.

As with other things that people stick their noses into that they oughtn't, it usually works to politely say something like, "While I appreciate that you have opinions on this matter, I am not interested in hearing or discussing them with you." That may sound a bit terse, but being short and to the point is the only way to get through to people who are judgmental and vocal about it.

Good luck with it, that's never a comfortable situation to be in.