what will i do about my fiancee?

Question

i have a fiancee and i do love her but she does not like my family at all and lately she wont go to gatherings and things like that,,but lately she has been saying that if i go to these gatherings she will leave me..i dont think she is being fair

Answer 1

Ask her if she has a valid reason for not liking them, if she has talk it through with her. Otherwise, if she loves you she will put her feelings for your family aside & visit them with you. She should not make you choose between her & them. Think about your future with her, is she really the one? What will happen at the wedding? What about if you have kids. If she keeps this behaviour up move on without her.

Answer 2

Of course she's not being fair! It's not her right to tell you to choose between her and your family. Tell her you are going to these gatherings with your family wether she approves or not. Blood IS thicker than water my friend, and if she truly loves you she'll realise what she's asking of you is too much and she'll respect you for making the right decision.

On the other hand, maybe a member of your family has said something to her that for whatever reason she didn't like. Have you tried asking her why she doesn't want to be associated with your family? Maybe you need to find out what's going on and talk to the family member(s) involved.

Whatever happens, I'm sure eventually you'll make the right decision.

Answer 3

I am no mirraige or relationship specialist, But love knows no meanings of hate. If she is not willing to suck up her pride and 1. let you see your family or 2. go along with you, it is known as Isolation. Isolation is not love but more the less she may be scared that if you go by yourself the family might corrupt you and or if she goes that she will be miserable. If she makes you go to her families house but will not go to yours she does not love you with all her heart. You are the more loving one in the relationship and I would put your foot down and say that if you cannot see your family once in a while then I do not think you fully love me and see where it goes from there. Also there is a good book by johnathon grey called men are from mars women are from venu. Both of you read it.
if all else fails find someone she talks to and ask them to find out what she don't like about your family and then prevent your family from doing just that.

Answer 4

No she's not being fair she should want to at least try making an effort with your family especially as she intends to join it by marrying you. Tell her she is being unreasonable and if she leaves you for visiting your own family she clearly isnt worth it. Life, relationships, marriage etc is about compromising when needed.

Answer 5

Find out what is going on before you bin her. There may be a valid reason for this behavior. If not, and she demands you choose, that is a big red flag... Proceed with caution, but don't end something that is otherwise good without a great deal of thought and consideration.

Answer 6

She is definitely not being fair.

What reasons does she have for not liking your family?

Does your family like her? Or is it mutual?

Go to the gatherings. If she leaves you, you are well rid of her.

Answer 7

She cannot give you this sort of ultimatum! To have you choose her over your family is not just wrong, it's downright manipulative! She obviously doesn't love you enough to accept every part of you..and that includes your interaction with your family. When we take on a spouse, we take on their family as well. If she is not willing to do this, she is not the right girl for you. Please rethink marrying her...it will end up being disasterous!

Answer 8

If she won't at least tolerate your family for you than she my not love you like she used too. One of my sisters went through that. But her husband wouldn't let her have any contact with any of her family just because someone said something that upset him. If she loves you than she should not make you choose between her and your own family. I say if she wants to give you an ultimatum like that than give her one and see what she says to that.

Answer 9

I agree she shouldn't tell you what you can and can't do when it comes to your family. I would tell her that you are not going to stay away from your family because she does not like them. She can stay away though this will only cause conflict. I would also respect her about her family in the same way.

Answer 10

This something that you and she need to discuss now. Find out why she doesn't want to go. If there is a reason (she uncomfortable because they have differing political views and if becomes a discussion), then you need to ask your family to lay off as well.

Its a balancing act.