My mother is 85 this summer, and we have not seen or spoken to each other for almost two years. She has allways been a VERy controlling lady, when it comes to family, and I think I must have been 50 before I dared to contradict her direct order, as they allways were considered by the rest of the family.If she came up with a suggestion, about ANYTHINg, we ended up doing as she said, before she came to control if she had been heard. I remember my son once said to his grandmother that she should have been working in the army. And I almost choked! But he was the only one she listened to, and did not get mad at. My dad who was a loving man, never said against her, he was to his dying day totaly in love after 50 years of marriage. My sister and me have all our lives had to weigh our words on a golden weight as we say in Norway, before we decided to speak abot any subject. Two years ago I could not take it any more. I sold my house, moved to another city, and said goodbye. Should I call?
2007-04-08 00:12:46 · 19 answers · asked by unanski 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
you need to heal this rift life is too short for this kind of bad feeling.your mother is too old now for this too continue, bite the bullet and swallow the pride and make contact.think how you feel if anything were to happen to her.go ahead and make that call today and start building the bridge again.
2007-04-08 00:17:13 · answer #1 · answered by johnboy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know what, i think if this is something you think about at least once a day, then you have to get in touch if only for your sanity, your mum is gettin to that age when you just dont know, and far better to face your demons now, than wait until it is too late and instead of feeling guilty about not phoning her you will spend your life regretting and regret is just an awful thing. Why not go and visit her, stay for an hour, say goodbye and let her make the enxt move, at lest you exteneded an olive branch if she decides to not take it, then its her who is wrong and not you. Sounds like to me, she spend her younger days being a mum, and telling you all what to do, and forgot to change that role when you all grew up, poor woman is prob sitting there completely oblivious to what she has done, let her live the rest of her days thinking she was a good mum, and stop punnishing her. Best of luck xxxxx
2007-04-08 00:25:23 · answer #2 · answered by law 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Does your mom know that you feel this way? Try speaking with her and explaing how you feel open up...show some emotion but do not let her over rule the way you feel. There shouldn't be any reason to let her control you. I worked with a people greeter at walmart that had the same attitude. She controlled everybody except me. I put it to her and really spoke to her about how I felt. I left that job about a year ago and I must say after speaking to her she totally changed her attitude. And to think I was just a cart pusher.
2007-04-08 00:20:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are ready to have her back in your life then by all means call her. Funny thing about parents - they always make you feel like you are a child again and children don't have the power in the parent child relationship. Remember you are an adult now and have the power in your life to make your own decisions without her input. Why not write her a letter first explaining why you left and why you haven't been in touch, but also that you miss her and would like her to be part of your life again.
Blessed be xx
2007-04-08 00:20:17 · answer #4 · answered by Lost and found 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but you're really the only one who can answer that. If she's 85, she probably won't be around much longer; consider how you're going to feel after she's dead if you do/don't call. Do you love her? Hate her? Feel nothing for her? If it were me, I'd call and give her one more chance. Maybe two years of not seeing or hearing from you has mellowed her.
Either way, good luck.
2007-04-08 00:20:31 · answer #5 · answered by Alice K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YES!!!!!!!!!!!! you only have 1 mum, and ok she can be over bearing nut could you forgive yourself if the worst was to happen and you hadnt made up? I hadnt spoken to my dad for 8 yrs due to a family fall out, i contacted him recently and it was the best thing i have ever done and wish id done it ages ago. The time disapeared after that first phone call and now it feels like we never lost touch. She'll be so happy to hear from you and ill bet she'll be less controlling now. I urge you with all my heart to get back in touch, its clearly on your mind. and your an adult, sont be afraid to stand up to her, you made your point by packing up and leaving and im sure she'll be more accomodating to your feelings now as she's lost you once and wont want to go through that all again.
Good luck, and im sure this will have a happy ending for all concerned!!!
:)
2007-04-08 06:38:34 · answer #6 · answered by LynseyB 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i know how you feel, my (egg donor) was just like your mother, i left home at 15 and never went back...SHE is in her 60's now and still as horrible as she was the day i left...i have no intentions of ever contacting her again, but it's up to you if you want to contact your mother....people tell me lifes too short for grudges...i don't hold a grudge...i just cant stand the woman, she has done too much damage and i will NEVER forgive her, if you feel that you can make peace with your mother then try it, if she is still horrible to you once you contact her, then i think you'll know what to do next, give it a whirl...if it don't work out, then you've lost nothing...life goes on hun, live it
2007-04-08 00:58:44 · answer #7 · answered by Dazzlebox 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your Mother will never change her controlling ways now. She has got away with it for too long. I doubt your relationship with her will change either. If you call her then you need to tell her you will not put up with her behavior towards you. And you need to ensure you tell her each time she reverts to her controlling ways. If your approach doesn't work out then you should break off communication with her, knowing you have tried your best. Good luck.
2007-04-08 00:23:35 · answer #8 · answered by Alex 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
to be asking this questions shows that u wish things could be different, dont leave room 4 regret later by not at least trying in some way or other now. you could drop her a card with brief message in it, give her a call to ask how she is or send some flowers to let her know your thinking of her.
which ever way it goes, i wish u luck
2007-04-09 02:36:58 · answer #9 · answered by happylilpossom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes if i were you i would contact her... Even if its sending her a bunch of flowers with a short poem inside, calling her to see how she is...
..Don't live in regret - she is getting old... it would be worse for you, if she was gone tomorrow and you can only wish .. what if...
..Even if it doesn't turn out as you expected, or she throws it back in your face... you can at least know you tried!
2007-04-08 00:21:22 · answer #10 · answered by ஐ♥PinkBoo - TTC #1♥ஐ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋