What should i do if i runaway from home?

Question

I'm 17 this year, and l seriosly want to get out of my house because of my parents. They can be happy,but there's always that unsolving problem that my parents fight about. My mom get's drunk, and starts insulting his family. My father get's out of his mind and hits her, punches her, throws her,pushes her, and they're gonna start killing each other. Im tired of this, watching the two people i love killing themselves. This is a problem that can't be solved. She said she was going to stop insulting and my dad said then he would not hit her. But when there's alcohol, things change. And my mom loves alcohol, and she gets out of control. Its traumatizing watching parents kill. I want to get out of thehouse, i live in chile(south america) and i don't know where to go,what to do,but i know i want to leave. Please don't giveme advice of how my parents should change, b/c it's something they've tried long ago,but theproblem is always going to be unsolved,help me to what should i do when i leave

I'm 17
l seriosly want to get out of my house because of my parents.
They can be happy,but theres always that unsolving problem that my parents fight about. My mom get's drunk, and starts insulting his family. My father get's out of his mind and hits her, punches her, throws her,pushes her, and they're gonna start killing each other.
Im tired of watching the two people i love killing themselves.
She said she was going to stop insulting &my dad said then he would not hit her. But when theres alcohol,things change.
Its traumatizing watching parents kill & have no brotherssis.
I want 2 get out of thehouse, i live n chile(south america)and i dont know where to go,what to do,but i know i want to leave. Please don't giveme advice of how my parents should change, b/c its somethin they've tried long ago,but theproblem is always going to be unsolved,help me to what should i do when i leave.
close ppl dont understand and just say that fighting sth usual, but theyve not livd wat i had.

sorry...i put the same thing up there..
ive tried talking w friends but
close ppl don't understand because they've not lived this and just say it's something usual and that its impossible for my parents to end up killing themselves. but u know, ive felt when anger controls over and one big hit can cause u death over a drunk woman.
have no brother nor sister.
all the family i can trust r out of chile.
plus i dont have any close friend whose 21 nor 18 they all live w parents.

i really have tried doing the best to unite them.
i resently bought them a tv for their room and a game boy so they could have some time for their own. i bought it for their anniversary, but i recently got a call from where they were (beach for 3 nights) and i asked my dad if they've fight..and said yes...all i can imagine is my mother hurt violently lying somewhere insulting my dad..(im korean btw)

Answer 1

I grew up in a house just like your, my dad would go out drinking and come in 2:00 AM and my mom would be sleeping he would yell up the stairs (GET UP AND FIX ME SOMETHING TO EAT YOU WHORE.)now my mom was the only one working and she had to get up AM to get us kids off to school.My dad would hit my mom so hard and choke her and keep hitting her over and over .This was at least 3 times a week and every weekend from the time I remembered myself being a live up until the day I turned. You have one more year can't you hold off until then.I just wanted to let you no your not alone.

My sister and I had a friend, her parents threw her out of her house so my mom said she could come live with us,even though my dad would come home drunk anything was better then what she came from.When we would hear the door handle we would take off running up to our bedroom and lock the door and put on our music and go somewhere else in our minds.Are you close enough to any of your girl friends to see if you can stay with one of them for awhile.If you are going to go to college check into the exchange program.Maybe you can find someone who lives close to where you live and is renting rooms,the mane thing is to get you out and away from the two people that are destroying your young life before it has really started.What do you think they would do if you told them you were leaving because you can't stand living with the fighting any longer.? Try it they just might surprise you, I really hope everthing works out for you.

Answer 2

You can't change them or make them change - you are right about that. You can ask for the cooperation of a friend, though. You can tell your parents that you are going to leave immediately when you see the alcohol come out and the punching starts. Your mother sounds like an alcoholic, it's true. But your dad is worse - he's using a beligerent alcoholic as a punching bag. It would scare anybody.
Your parents may feel like they have some kind of protection in having you around while all this is going on. After all, you're a witness and maybe they think SOMEONE would stop it from getting too bad. That is too much responsibillity to lay on a 17 year old. That's why you should leave. And tell them that even if the police don't do anything, you will make the obbligatory call to the police when the abuse starts. You will have done your part, removed yourself, and left themselves to what they do best - which is knowingly torture each other.
The thing is, they torture you with it too! So don't let them. They are being terrible parents at that time even if the rest of the time, they can be happy.
You don't have to feel responsible You also don't have to run away. Keep some clean clothes and toiletries at your friend's house (and it is up to you whether you confide in his parents about this or not). Come home when things are back to a calm level and just hang in there until you are old enough to be on your own. That day will come - kids do grow up to be independent and have their own families some day. It will all happen for you too. In the meantime, your parents have to grow up too.

Answer 3

Im from Australia and I know if there was a case where a child/teenager was in danger, then human services would step in. I do know that also in Australia once you are 16 you are able to make your own choice pretty much. I can understand where you are coming from. My Mum and Dad use to fight constantly, over things that to me would seem childish. I mean my Mum would go at my Dad with a knife etc. To date they are still married and have been for 30+ years and I can say the knives are put away.
Are you still in school? If so go and seek a school councillor and speak to them about your home life. The worst thing you can do is runaway, especially out on the streets its really not a place for anyone. If it is way to much for you and your are frightened of what may happen to you or your family. I guess the best thing for you to do is live with a family member that you trust and knows of the situation. Dont worry about how far they live away, cause its your life and to me it seems that you need a break from your parents. The Adult in your family, I feel, is you! You cant sort out your parents problems and nor should you. You are still only a baby and you have so much to learn. Sometimes parents can be selfish, believe me my sister has two children and I can say, they come last campared to everything else. But deep down they love you, and dont realise the hurt they are causing you. If you do decide to leave. Write a letter and explain to them how you feel. Suggest a counciler to them. If things are still bad. Perhaps they should go their separate ways. Harmony is better then disharmony. Anyway I feel for you and can only imagine what you are going through. May everything turn out right. Remember your not the one who needs to be the mediator. Its up to your Parents, to work things out. Good luck!

Answer 4

Try talking to them. Tell them that you are thinking of leaving because you can not stand the way they are treating each other. Tell your mom that she needs to seek help to help stop drinking. Maybe your dad would stop being abusive if she stopped drinking. Tell them that they also need to see a marriage counselor. If that doesn't work then leave if you must. Do you have family that you could possibly live with? A grandparent, an older sibling? You could get a job and maybe find yourself a room somewhere. You are probably in school so I hope that you will be able to finish that although you could get a GED. Have you tried talking to counselors at school, your minister, a teacher about what is happening in your home and how miserable and scared you are for your mother? Hope that you can get the results that you need.

Answer 5

You are almost 18. If you are about to graduate High School (if not, maybe try to pass an equivalency test or get your GED(Graduation Equivilany Diploma)), you could try to go away to college or tech school, etc. If $ is a problem maybe try to save up, or get a student loan through the Government, State or wherever, if they're available in Chili. You could also apply for scholarships if you have the grades. If schools not your thing, you might considerer something like the job corp, or peace corp, (these are just examples of programs in the US, as I'm not familiar w/ Chili or SA)? Any kind of program that will get you out of your house and provide some type of job training, or positive life experience is what I would try to do. You should start doing some research for help in finding some of these types of programs on the Internet, or at the your local library, if you have access to one. Also, if you can go to the library, make sure you ask for help from the librarian. Most librarians know a lot about how to do research and where to find the things you need . You could also, if it's possible, move in w/ a friend, preferable in a city far away from your parents and their "drama". The most important thing for you is to have somewhere to go, and to have a plan. You don't want to wind up on the street(s) alone. If you feel you need to get out immediately, I'd try to stay w/ a friend or relative temporarily while you figure things out. I hope I have given you some good/helpful ideas.
I am sorry you are in this position, and I wish I could help you w/ your Parents, but I will respect your request not to offer you any advice about dealing with or helping them. Much luck.

P.S. Please feel free to e-mail me if you need anymore help/advice, or if you just need to "vent". Peace

-sorry "Check Spelling" button stuck again so PTM's

In response to your last post: next time you give them a gift; instead of getting them something like a TV and game boy, maybe pay for them to go to a Marriage Counseler. If they won't go, find a way to make them. Like say, "Dad the next time you hit Mom I'm calling the Cops if you don't get some help." You could also try to get your Mom into rehab. I offer you this advice only because you brought it up (hope you don't mind).

Answer 6

I do not know what the laws in Chile are as I am in the USA but I have been on my own since I was 16 because of the same kind of home life if you find a job and can support yourself and finish school I say move out you are better off with out all the drama and dysfunction in your life but you have to stay in school and make a better life for yourself is there a family member you can go live with ?

Answer 7

well; I stay in north America! At 17/18 you would be graduating from school. If i was put in a situation like yours I would most likely, get into a sport, band, or school club to get a scholarship to a college. If I couldn't get a scholarship there's always student grants that will help you get into college. So once your in college in a dormitory, problem solved no more parents!
Work part-time saving money so you can rent a apartment, for when your not in school.

I don't know what it is like in Chile (south America) but for a man anywhere there should always be a way for you to work and save money. Get your own little place, move your mom in to get away from your dad.

Answer 8

You cannot expect them to change if they haven't by now, then chances are they won't ever. You have to start looking out for yourself. Is there a family that you know in the area that you could say with temporarily until you find somewhere more permanent. You are 17, are you still in school, how about a school friend that you could possibly stay with. You are old enough to decide for yourself what is right and wrong and if you are uncomfortable then I suggest you talk to someone and get help to deal with everything that you have dealt with, Good Luck

Answer 9

I am sorry to hear this. The burden is really too much for you to bear.. But outside world can be full of dangers and I sincerely hope nothing bad would happen to you! Please make the runaway the last option that you'd take.

Do you have any relatives that you feel you can confide in and talk about your family problems? Talking to teachers or experienced counsellors that you trust in school would help also, as they will try their very best to help you out of this. You are doing very well by posting this question here. I am sure there are some answerers who can provide you good solutions to this problem. All the best!

Answer 10

don't expect them to change they never will.my ones are the same and they do the same thing. my dad used to bring a butter knife tryingto stab mum. the best thing to do is just hang in there like i am.wait till u finish school and go to uni. atleast life is secure a bit then i think. im not sure if your relatives would help, mine didn't. i don't think ur aunties etc. would want to get involved in your parents lives. what u should do is find a friend's house nearby where u can stay the night when it happens. give it a few more years and it might all be better by then..