How do I get my boyfriend to stop smoking pot?

Question

I'm in a 25 month relationship now & when it started dating he wasn't a pot head at all, then after we exchanged the "L" word, he started with his friends. It bugged me at first, but when it started interfering with our relationship (he would ditch me to go do it with his friends, etc.) that's when I asked him to stop. He told me he did, but my BF is dating his BF & basically I got informed every time he did it. I figured if it really meant that much to him, fine, I would just have to live with it. But the lies became to much & I gave him the ultimatum, me or weed, he "picked" me & I told him that if I even got the smallest hint that he was still doing it, it was over. Well, it just made him a good liar, cause for a year & a half I believed him when he said he wasn't doing it, then one drunken night he told me that he never stopped, but he really wants to,eventually. Weed destroyed our relationship, and eventually is what I get, I don't want to leave him, but do I have any other choice

thank you so much for your responses, i didn't have time to write this earlier, but I have tried it with him and it honestly makes me suicidal I don't know why it has this affect on me so its not like I can do it with him and it would be something that would bring us together, another fun fact is that i moved to Arizona recently to attend ASU and he is still in Colorado so now it a long distance relationship based on lies. Then the last fun part is that every time I have tried to break up with him he either:
A - sweet talks me into reconsidering
B - threatens suicide (because without me there is nothing left to live for or some BS like that)
or
C - threatens to kill either me or my family...
I think I'm dealing with a mentally unstable fella and I do love him with all my heart but I just don't know if I can take the pressure of being with him with all this shitze going on

Answer 1

In this situation his main deterent from smoking pot has to be his own inner strength. You can not provide that for him. If he was not willing to do it for you earlier, the chances of him changing now are not so great. Furthermore, after all the lies that have been placed in this relationship, trust can no longer be present. It will take a great deal of time for you to ever be able to trust him again. Good Luck and maybe think of trying to move on! You sound like a great girl and im sure you can find a clean man who will love you!

Answer 2

My boyfriend smokes, and after serious extensive research I decided it was ok for him to smoke once or twice a week, as quitting is hard for someone with severe depression, like he has. The actual side effects are not that bad, and it is a highly social thing that he would find it hard to give up the friends attached. If it doesn't produce too many negative things in your relationship, then it's safe enough to smoke. However, if he feels the need to distance himself from you, or lies to you, or won't stop, cannabis is not the real issue here. If the problem with his smoking is more to do with how you feel about marijuana, then check out the links below. If you learn about it, it becomes more of a moral issue, like eating red meat. Not especially healthy, but not too bad either. Thing is, red meat's got some benefits, and pot does not. It is basically your choice, and yours alone, whether or not to stay in a relationship with someone who is lieing to you. It is not physically addictive, and the psychological effects go away after (for a chronic heavy user) a few weeks. If he won't try, then you really need to make a decision, because he will hurt you. The most important thing for you to know is that the pot is so not the real issue here. It is not what is causing stress in the relationship. It is only adding to it. If he is addicted, then you need to sit him down and ask if he would try. He isn't, but if you can talk him into going on a vacation with you, and you tough out the withdrawal process with him, he may be able to stay away, or at least show that he cares about you by NOT LIEING!!!

Answer 3

He may love you and want to stop, but just can't because he is probably addicted. I assume that you guys are probably at least in your 20s. He will probably keep on making excuses about why he likes to do it. If you decide to stay with him, he will continue to do it and it will soon become a smaller issue w/you because you will get tired of trying. Don't let him make the decision for you by giving him an ultimatum. Take control of your own life! Reality is that he may never stop doing this. So either accept it or don't. If you really want to be with him, then tough it out and try to make a compromise with him that will benefit you both.

Answer 4

Seriously,your probably not going to like to hear this,but the best thing you could do for yourself and to understand his behavior is to go to Al anon meetings If you don't know about it,it is a group of people who meet in every town in every city almost every where,who support one another and their common thread is they all have family or loved ones who suffer from addiction problems,you see when we love someone who suffers from addiction problems we suffer as well and also need help for learning how to cope with and get thru this crisis.You can't make him stop smoking pot,if he is going to do it he will find away,trust me I'm an addict and I know my way around lying to get high,I chose to get clean myself,not because I had allot of people very sad sick and worried because of my behavior and not because they tried to pull the old intervention on me....that only drove me to use worse.If you really love him you should go to Al anon so you will better understand addiction,and you should do it for yourself,because I now this has put you under a great deal of stress,and I think it will help you allot.

Answer 5

ultimatums rarely if ever work. He has to want to quit in order to quit. At this point in his life he is obvoiusly out of control. Try talking to him about it. Without being judgemental talk to him about going to some counseling. And if that doesn't work then you need to give yourself an ultimatum.Does his family know that he is doing it? If not maybe they can help you to help him. You have to weigh the pros and cons. Just know that until he is ready to stop you will not be able to "change" him no matter how much you want to.

Answer 6

nope, if you dont tolerate drugs then he's not worth it, theres nothing left for you if he's a liar and a druggie. you gave him the ultimatum and he fell through with his word. you shouldn't. his pot smoking could also effect you in the long term with your trust in men and if you get involved with someone who has a similar problem or something worse you may stay b/c its now a habit of staying if you get what im saying. if you dont leave now it will be harder later and you wont do it

Answer 7

I am against drugs entirely. But now that you said you already did the me or drugs, you have to be more stern. You have to be ready to leave, that instant. I know you have been in this for 2 years, but it doesn't matter. Weed is horrible, it killed 1 of my friends. tell them to stop. now. Not immediatley, but tell him to promise you he will gradually let up and get into rehab. This is my opinion.

Answer 8

ok. U can ditched these guy with a single word "selfish".
U care but he dun care.
U love him but he took for granted and thinks u r paranoid. Ur glass LOVE has been trashED into the bin. How ? U love a puppy, least it LOVE u in return. Ur bf is disgusting creature and no better than a puppy (beast). Will u sob over him ? dry your tears and move on. A good man will never let his woman cry or worry. Time is short .. stop investing your precious sentiments with a no future stocks. Look on for a MATURE man that NEVER let his woman cry. cheers

Answer 9

well keep him busy stay together longer do things together get his mind off of weed. go out tot he movie dinner have some sex later oh show him a good time without doing weed and drugs

Answer 10

u just answered yr own question.."you dont have any other choice" you set your boundaries with him a while ago, he has lied and has crossed the boundaries and you have let him..granted u didnt know and u trusted him but that is a huge betrayal and how could u ever trust him again..look down the road sweety...can you ever trust him again? he has hid this for a year and a half!!!!!!....move on..you're in love with a LIAR!!!!