How do I approach my father, letting him know we found out he is cheating on my mother?

Question

We started to suspect after we would catch him on his cell phone talking in an affected way. We only heard him talk this way with my mother. Then we would hear him have arguments, saying things like your not going to mess up my family. Finally we got on the internet and used his cell phone number and ssn to get the calling history off his cell phone. We looked at the number he called often and late at night into the morning.We got up the nerve to call the number and a lady answered. When we asked her how she knew our father, she said she rather not tell. How do we let our father know, we know everything. Including the lady's name and her daughters name. I can't even look at him. i have no respect for him. All I can think about is the hurt my mother would feel if she knew. I don't even know if she knows. There is not doubt he is cheating. I have meny more examples but not enough room to type.

Answer 1

gushy2,
Hi. Well first of all, good job playing detective!! EXCELLENT!
You should be proud of yourself for having that knowledge to obtain the cell phone number, knowing who her daughter is, and her name. Your detective skills are incredible. Now just stop there!!! Don't do anymore. Don't confront dad. Don't ask anymore questions!!! You've done enough. I can type to you and tell you exactly what's going to happen next at this point!!!! But you're probably not going to believe me. Truth is, they know,,,that you know..... so now its only a matter of time before dad or his lady friend slip up,,,,and you won't have to be the heavy,,, k?? They will lay the guilt all on theirselves, by theirselves, without your help. They know (the lady, and her daughter),,,,,that you know !!!! So just sit tight and wait....it will happen all by itself. You've done enough. And when it all blows up and mom says,,,, "You knew about this"?? and didn't tell me"????? You can say ,,,, "Yeah, mom I love you, and I was trying to protect you"!!! She'll be mad at first then she'll get over it. She'll thank you one day. Because it shows how much you care, and also it shows just how ignorant some folks can be, and all the while you may know it, but by doing nothing your allowing yourself to mend as well. But I gotta tell ya the whole detective work is amazing. Good for you!!! Now just 'STOP" there, and just let nature take its course. AND
Good Luck.

Answer 2

1st things 1st. I'm sorry for you having to go through this. I don't know how your dads temper is, but confront him with it. You said "we" a lot so I don't know if you meant brother or sister, but both of you need to confront him together. Tell him you know what he's been doing and if it doesn't stop, IMMEDIATELY, then you will go to mom and tell her everything. Tell him you love him, but what he is doing is wrong and he is living a lie and it's not good for you or your brother/sister. Talk to a school counselor before you confront him, though, and see what they think. Don't go straight to your mom yet (if at all) till you get the facts, 1st. By telling her anything now, could be like lighting the fuse on a powder keg. It can blow up in you and your entire family's face. Does your dad have any brothers or sisters? Maybe ask them to talk some sense into him. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your dad gets his act and priorities, together.

Answer 3

You should have doubts as you still don't know what is going on. What you did is despicable and just plain wrong. Karma will return the favor with your children.

You should not tell your father about your doubts, it's not your place. You have no idea if your mother knows already if it is true. If she does, then you risk exposing her and causing her shame. You also run the risk of destroying the family, again something that will be on your head.

You really screwed up this one, nice going.

Answer 4

Although this woudl be a very difficult conversation to have you should confront your dad in private and let him know without yelling and screaming and freaking out that you know what he is doing. He will probably get defensive and deny everything but stay firm and let him know that you don't believe him and he needs to decide what he is going to do and you could maybe even give him a time limit to decided and if he continues you have to find a way to let your mom know. Good luck...this sucks!

Answer 5

Tell him, either in person, or even in writing. But make sure he is the only one that will read it. When you tell him, explain how hurt and disgusted you are, and tell him that he as a week to confess to your mom. She really should hear it from him. It's also possible that she knows about it, and hasn't been able to decide what to do herself.

Good luck, and I'm very sorry to hear about this.

Answer 6

Just pull dad to the side and expose him with the matter and let him know you are serious. Let him know this is hurting his children as well as wife if she found out and possible end the marriage. After communicating with the father then you will know what actions to take.

Answer 7

First let me tell you I went through the same thing. I don't mean to make matters wirst but now my parents are divorsed. Me and my siblings just told him straight up. Then we all told my mom. I'm glad their not together anymore. Because they're both nice people but when together they're always mad. I think the best thing to do is just tell you father that you know and then tell him to tell your mom or you will. It's the right thing to do

Answer 8

Im not sure if you should confront him at all. I think you need to tell your mom and let her deal with it in her own way. I know it will hurt her but if you confront him it isn't really solving anything.

Answer 9

Ask for some time alone with him, without your mother. Confront him about it, and you should all decide together how to let your mother know so she can decide what to do about this next.

Answer 10

Tell him you know whats going on and youve lost all respect for him.Tell him if he doesnt break it off with the woman youre going to tell your mom so she wont end up with a disease he will get from a woman who would screw a married man.If you have to, write it in a letter and leave it for him.