I visited my married daughters' home for dinner, along with my husband and my parents. I went upstairs to check out a phone in one of the spare bedrooms, as I plan on buying them a new one for their anniversary.
When I came downstairs, my daughter yelled and chewed me out in front of everyone, and said it was an invasion of her privacy.
I reminded her that when she comes over to our house, she and her husband go everywhere without asking, and I never question them. She said that was still her house because she grew up there.
I think she is being a *****, but I will listen to any and all advice given to me. Please help!!!
2007-04-07 15:48:45 · 8 answers · asked by HEIDI L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your daughter should have never treated you as she did. From the way you speak, I would guess that the two of you have had a pretty close relationship. I would have to wonder if perhaps there was something upstairs she didn't want you to see or know about.
Our children really do think of the home where they grew up as their own. That's where all their dreams and memories were created and stored. That she went off on you like that, though, was inappropriate and uncalled for. You have the right, as her mom, to call her on her behavior.
Alone, tell her how badly you felt when she humiliated you in front of her other guests and family members. Then reiterate
that you were simply trying to look at her phone set up so you could do something nice for her. Tell her you will respect her privacy in the future, but that you expect her to give you the respect you have coming by not going off on you publicly should you inadvertently do something that offends her.
Explain that you love her but you aren't her kicking post and you will not return to her home to be humiliated again. I'm sure she'll get the idea, and I also think she probably felt terrible after she treated you so miserably.
I hope all works out for you and your daughter! Annie
2007-04-07 17:00:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your daughter was out of place. That wasn't very nice of her. And to actually do that in front of all guests? Where is her couth?
She did not even know your intentions of going into the spare bedroom! I bet if you let her know why you did it (because you were looking for ideas of an anniversary gift) I bet she'd feel bad for what she did.
I mean, you're her mother, why can't you roam around in her house? It's not like you're a total stranger, looking around to take things. You're family! You should have the right to do so. Would she chew you out if you took a stroll to the bathroom too? My gosh!
And technically, your home is no longer her home. And if she and her husband roam around everywhere in your house without asking, then you should be able to do the same at their place.
But honestly, this should not be an issue, because you all are family, ya know? There's nothing wrong with what you did. I'm sorry to say, but your daughter was in the wrong.
2007-04-07 15:59:53 · answer #2 · answered by Loves It<3 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her youre sorry ,you didnt know she felt that way and you wont do it again.As far as where she goes in your home, you should have set boundaries for her, but it really sounds like she is hiding something, or else she wouldnt have went mental on you.You can also explain to her that although she grew up there, she is your daughter and you werent snooping.If it were her own bedroom, I could see her being a little upset MAYBE, but a spare bedroom? Something isnt right.Then tell her she DID overreact she could have just taken you aside and asked you not to do that again.Seriously though, it sounds like something illegal is going on.
2007-04-07 16:12:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Huge overreaction on the daughters part...now had you replaced her curtains in the bedroom without her permission then yeah she would have a point. And it was a spare room, it's not like you went in her masters bedroom....tell her to chill out and show a little respect for mom.
2007-04-07 15:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by Steelhead 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One - you should have asked if it was ok to tour the house.
two - different houses have different rules
three = she was outta line in treating you that way
four - you need to establish boundries for when she comes over to your house. She's "assuming" that it's ok to do whatever she did when she was a kid and lived there. Now, she's got her own place, and needs to respect the rules of your house. You just need to be gentle when you lay em out for her. Hope that helps. Family stuff is seldom cut and dried.
2007-04-07 15:58:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think she is just trying set boundaries for you mom... ya know like you set for her as a kid. however, she is going about it in every possible wrong direction. If it was my daughter she would get the tongue lashing of her life and then I would tell her i understand her point but she was wrong. You are not a child. I think the term would be Elder?! As in respect? good luck
2007-04-07 16:05:39 · answer #6 · answered by angiee631 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter was wrong to get so upset. I am sure you weren't going through her dresser drawers or opening closet doors and snoopy. Your daughter is hiding something from you.
Next time she comes to your house follow her around she how she feels when you make her feel like you can't trust her just like she made you feel.
2007-04-07 15:54:48 · answer #7 · answered by Ms. Angel.. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is being majorly disrespectful. Spank her butt and tell her to behave. Your home is no longer hers when she moved out. Besides, it is not like you were snooping in her underwear drawer. I would have to wonder what she is hiding.
I know it would ruin the surprise, but it might help to tell her what you are planning if you haven't already.
2007-04-07 15:59:44 · answer #8 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋