How do address a male co worker with bad manners.?

Question

He consistently walks through doors before women. I will open a door and he will walk on through. And on the elevator he will walk on and off before the women. Even when we are with clients who are female presidents and ceo's. Is there a polite way to bring this to his attention? It drives me nuts!

Answer 1

A polite hint is not to be the first one at the door. Hang back and let him be the first one to open it, then walk through and give him a warm and generous "thank you!" If he gets good feedback from doing the right thing, he's more likely to do it more often.

But you really can't say anything to him about this. As my mother would say, you aren't taking him to raise. It's not our place to instruct other adults on polite behavior, only to model it by being polite ourselves.

Maybe it's not his actual behavior that is bothering you so much as your impression that he is deliberately trying to be rude and insult people. I don't think that's what's happening here. People in the South are raised to use the "ladies first" rule, but in the North generally not so much, so it might be a question of regional culture. It was really hard for me when I moved North because people here actually get offended if I use Ma'am and Sir, and I feel like I'm being rude if I don't.

Also, believe it or not, there was a time when women in a bid for equality would snarl at men who were so backward and macho as to extend the very courtesies you describe. Some guys have gotten burned that way and have just decided not to open the door for ladies anymore on the chance that she might take his head off for the rotten crime of acting like a gentleman. Weird but true -- and it's another reason to give him a chance to open the door and then signal your approval. It will let him know that as far as you are concerned it's mannerly and not a challenge to your feminine independence.

I'm female, indicentally, and my own thinking is that whoever gets to the door first should open it for the other person, no matter the gender of the people involved. I always thank someone who holds the door for me, though.

As far as elevators, I think the people closest to the door should get off first, otherwise you have problems with people shoving. =)

Hope this helps!

Answer 2

Equality is for all not just some. You may see it as bad manners he see's it as being the norm. I work in an area as to where I actually have to open and close doors for males. When out with a male friend some time ago he said to me "I can open my own doors thank you and I would like to do it for you sometimes". Ooooops.
He is someone who is confident and has his own internal sense of self and power around women.
Or, he is just an arrogant jerk who just likes to do the 'I am man, chest beating' and this is how he does it?
What is he like to work with otherwise? Is my question here, if this is all that he does that upsets you then it is only minor in my view and it is up to the Presidents and CEO's to say something. However, in reality he is operating in the concept of equality for all.
Does he recognise the holding a door open with a thank you? Don't hold doors open that he can walk through if he doesn't or, tell him what my friend said to me.
Sometimes people need to have things pointed out as they don't see it.
Good luck.

Answer 3

You get driven nuts far too easily! Besides, your co-worker is not incorrect. Business manners are not necessarily identical to social graces.

In a business office building with an elevator, whoever arrives at the elevator first enters first and holds the door or the button for the door, for all to enter.

Answer 4

Workplace etiquette is different from social etiquette- it's based on status and rank as opposed to gender. In the workplace, whoever is closest to the portal exits the elevator first, and whoever gets to the door first is the one who holds it for the follower(s). Standing up is done for the higher-uppers in the office when they enter, and subordinates defer to those above them on the totem pole. All of these rules are completely gender neutral. Granted, I cannot really make a case for your coworker one way or another as I wasn't physically there, but I would recommend a workplace etiquette workshop for your entire workforce. That way, no one gets singled out, and everybody is on the same level.

Answer 5

Even as rude as this guy is, unfortunately its really not your place as a co worker to correct him.Powers that be surely can't be blind to his boorish behaviour, perhaps at a staff meeting employee conduct should be discussed?The thing is, even though you conduct yourself as a gentleman, some business women would be offended by what they perceive as possibly a condescending manner, whereas most would see your behaviour as polite and respectful.Its a fine line to cross when trying to correct the behaviour of another, just continue to set an example by your proper comportment and give thanks to those who raised such a gentleman!

Answer 6

It sounds like this guy didn't grow up with a father to teach him how to be a polite man.

Your best bet is to ask another male coworker to talk to him. Tell him some women in the office are put off by his poor manners, and it would help him greatly in work and in romance if he could let this guy in on proper manners.

The male you ask for help can do it in a light way, too, like saying "C'mon man, ladies first! You know that . . ." it may only take a few gentle reminders for him to get it.

Answer 7

With all the women running around screaming about equality and the modern equivalent of bra burning... Maybe his mom was a stark feminist and never taught him this as a form of respect?

I don't think it's all that big a deal actually. Open your own damn door. You're not special and he's not your husband...

Answer 8

I agree with you. I'm old school, he sounds like a jerk. He won't change, Just ignore him and go on with life it's not worth it

Answer 9

You can tell him, but I think you should keep your mouth shut and mind your own business UNLESS you are his boss and responsible for his actions.

Answer 10

He doesnt have bad manners, he is treating you as an equal.