how sad is this, please answer and what would you do,?

Question

i am a stay at home dad of 3 boys since they were born,my wife just left with her friends to go to a party and when i looked in her car there were 4 bottles of unopened vodka, i guess i will be coloring easter eggs with the kids by myself, she didnt show up for our 4 year old kindergarten sign up orientation because she was partying and for christmas while we were making ginger bread houses she was in las vegas partying, what would you do if your spouse acted this way

Answer 1

Maybe you should sit down and discuss how your wife's partying is hurting you and your children. I would think she would know but sometimes you have to just put it out there.

Answer 2

I really don't see this as any different if the roles were reversed and you were the breadwinner and were out partying, leaving your partner home to tend to the kids and missing key important events for the children. It's wrong and irresponsible.

The second issue would be the drinking and putting the friends ahead of the family. Time for her to grow up a bit.

If the choice to stay home was a mutually agreed upon decision, then I would say that it may be time for you to review that with her, tell her that you need to go back to work too and she needs to spend more time at home.

If she's not willing to be more reasonable, then I think you have to decide if you are better off raising the boys on your own and if you really want her around as a role model for the children.

Answer 3

Other than her being away on special occasions how is the quality of your relationship? Does she spend quality time with the kids? Does she spend quality time with you? Have you asked her directly why she's not home with her family at these times? Have you told her how you feel about her not being there on special occasions? Lots of questions to ponder.

Some people don't put as much importance on holidays as others. It may be she is one of these people and these are the times she can get away with her friends. You're there and she knows the kids are in good hands. In every relationship each person should have their own interests and their own set of friends so they can continue to be individuals. Are there times when you are all together as a family? You are obviously disappointed that she is not there to build holiday traditions with the kids. Have you actually voiced your feelings to her or are you just assuming she should know how you feel? When she tells you she's planning to go away on a holiday do you ask her to schedule it for another time so you can all be together for the holiday or do you just go along with it and feel disappointment.

Once you've answered all these questions for yourself, you'll know what to do. Your best approach is an open and honest discussion letting her know exactly how you feel and hearing what she feels. She may be surprised that you're upset about her being gone or she may not be happy about being a mom of 3 kids. You won't know unless the two of you talk to each other. Be as direct as possible without being judgmental. Create a feeling of acceptance and trust so she'll open up to you about what her real reasons are. Let her know you love her and miss her when she's gone. Hear what she has to say and see if the two of you can work out some kind of compromise that will get everyone what they need. Or as close as possible.

Answer 4

Personally, I'd tell her to shape up or she'd be single and wouldn't get to see her kids anymore. Seriously, if you ever get divorced and there's a custody suit, all you would have to do is tell the judge what you told us in that question (about the partying), and you would get full custody, hands down. I realize that everyone's different though, and you might want to stay with her. If that's the case, tell her that she's setting a horrible example for your kids and that she needs to work on improving herself. There's a time for everything, but doing stuff like that isn't cool when you've got kids.

Good luck with whatever you decide, and you're an awesome person for being there for your kids despite the fact that your wife isn't.

Answer 5

Well, first, they would not be my spouse anymore.
You got married into a partnership. There are implicit things that you and your wife agreed to do when you got married, and one is co-parent your children.
I assume, since you stay at home, that she makes the money. This does not give her a right to go out on the town and leave you at home with them. But it makes it hard for oyu to act from a position of power. You probably feel like, if you call her on this, you might be left high and dry. But believe me, you and your kids living on unemployment but happy is better than living with a party-chick who disrupts their lives and teaches them materialism and irresponsibility.
You wife sounds immature.
I would give her an ultimatum--get serious about being a wife and mother, or get out.
And DO NOT let her take your kids.

Answer 6

Well its sad to say but you kinda opened the door and started letting her go out...She is the money maker...maybe she feels like she should be able to go out...When in fact she should be home also with the children..Do you ever argue with her for this??What is she showing as an example to her children? You have got to put your foot down...Also you may look into something so you can still stay at home and make money....Like ebay or something....You really need to lay some rules onto her...Sorry but your family should come first instead of her partying like she is in her early 20's...What would you do if she has an accident (God Forbid)?Thats crazy really I feel bad for you.....I think when a man and woman marry they both need to stay home or if they go out its together..Not 1 going out to party and god only knows doing what in those party's....Anyway....

Thanks~

Answer 7

How long has she been acting like a kid? She needs to grow up. I would talk to her. Then if she don't want to be responsible, tell her that she needs to move out and leave the kids with you. Then when she is ready to be a mom she can come back. Also make sure you get a job if you can. Don't get a divorce unless you have to. It sounds like your wife has problems that she don't want to deal with. And thats why shes acting this way. She needs to get some help, and soon.

Answer 8

OMGSH , if my spouse acted like that i would feel so depressed , but i would get a divorce so fast to make sure my kids were in a good safe loving environment. She need to realize and prioritise ... her kids and family should be first on her list and she hsouldnt be spending her whole life partying.. if she wanted to do that she couldve waited before she had kids. Thats really sad, hope this helps!

Answer 9

i grew up in a simular household and what it did for me was just not respect my dad (my dad was the problem hes an alky)but at the same time it ended up making me wonder about my mom. My mom just put up with it...to this day still puts up with his crap. The effects it had was I ended up in an abusive realtionship as an adult because I was used to being abused and watched my mom get abused and learned that was it should be....I spent 3 years working hard to make a realationship work that wasn't gonna work and my mom has spent 38 years doing the same.

My advice is talking of course but if that doesnt work and things don't differ or get better...BETTER NOT JUST DIFFERENT then you need to get out for YOUR SAKE AND YOUR KIDS sake. Kids learn how to get treat people as they get older by watching their parents and how their parents relationship is. KIDS KNOW EVERYTHING DO NOT KID YOURSELF. Give her a chance to get better give her a maxium of a year to show INCREDIABLE improvement or you gotta go. Just like kids...you gotta do as you say or they won't take you seriously....I told my ex i was gonna leave like 20 and kept coming back and dealling with bs and so he decided he could do whatever he wanted cause there wasn;t gonna be any consequences welll it took me 3 years but finally i left. The descion I know has to ultimately be yours don't leave because I said so or cause your family says you should you need to look inside yourself and look at everything and decide for yourself its the right choice or you will end up right back with her cause you will think twicew about it cause you felt pressured about the descion.

Ultimately no one here can help you only you can help yourself and your kids. Just think real hard and lond and decide what the right course is....you have instincts and you have them for a reason.

Answer 10

I'm sorry for you since you fell into this trap. Your wife has no right to act this way. My uncle is the same way as you. You both are in the same situation. You need to go to couple's therapy. They will help you put your wife back on track. You don't deserve this, especially with your three sons... They don't deserve a mom like this.

Answer 11

Why do men do the same type of stuff but it's ok? If you stay home that means she is paying the bills? I am not saying it is right, but if it were a guy people would not freak out so much.

Of course two good parents are better than one, but that is a very rare commodity these days. Good luck to you.