I've been involved with this white man for 5 years and we have a lilttle girl together. Now he wants to settle down with me and move in together. But...
From his past behavior and issues between us, I'm unsure if I want to settle down with him. However I want my child to grow up with both parents in the household. I'm confused. I've talked with family and Friends. Some say yes and some say no. Should I set aside my feelings and do what's best for my daughter?
2007-04-07 05:23:43 · 15 answers · asked by It must be said 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
better to have a kid grow up with 1 normal parent than with 2 parents who are constantly arguing. look at me. I'm unstable and bitter. parents should have divorced a long time ago. do you want your kid to grow up like me? I don't think so.
2007-04-07 05:32:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Um I'm going to have to agree with the person above me. You seem like a beautiful woman who is very concerned of the well being of your child. So therefore,Take the advice above and just take care of you and your child. If you are confused about something like this. Then nine times out of ten you shouldn't do it. You said past Behavior so I'm guessing he has been abusive. You also said there are issues between the two of you. Once you can say. You really want to be with this man and he has changed for the better. And you can honestly say without a doubt you want to settle with him. That's how you will know it's right.
Now setting your feelings aside would not be doing what's best for you child because what affects you affects her. Always Remember That.
To all the people who told you. That you were wrong for having your child before getting married. Please don't listen to them. They don't know you from a can of beans and had no right to say that to you. They don't know where you been or where you are going.
Be Strong. Stay Beautiful and Know that God Loves you and will never let you down. One Love My sista
2007-04-07 13:54:30 · answer #2 · answered by That Dude 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
'From his past behavior and issues between us, I'm unsure if I want to settle down with him.'
If this is how you fell than you should not. You will feel uncomftorable with the situation which will in turn make your daughter uncomftorable.
"However I want my child to grow up with both parents in the household"
Living in a stable, consistent, healthy enviroment is better for a child than living in an unstable caotic enviroment with parents that arque and fight and have issues.
"Should I set aside my feelings and do what's best for my daughter?"
Yes but from the limited information I do not think that moving in with this man will accomplish that. Work on your self and your daughters life with out help from a man with "behavior issues"
Good luck!
2007-04-07 13:32:58 · answer #3 · answered by celticpixie 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No not until all your issues with your boyfriend is resloved then you two can move on and have a happy loving family. Work out the issues and see if this relationship is worth saving. Your daughter does not need to have both parents living in the same home if they have issues as long as she knows sheis love and wanted by both parents and sees loving relationships it will not hurt her if you don't live together.
2007-04-07 12:43:56 · answer #4 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
on one hand i think about your daughter. How uncomfortable for her growing up out of wedlock. Even if you guys do get married (you would get married right? not just live together?), i think it would be wierd for her that she was born before her parents were married.
yet any child needs two parents who agree and love each other unconditionally. If you decide to settle down with him, I encourage you to trust him. Has he changed since the past? Enough that you have the ability to trust him? If you felt so uneasy about him why did you have a child before you were married? You have put yourself in a tough place because of your actions.
I'll be praying for your decisions. Someone has a bigger plan.
2007-04-07 13:06:11 · answer #5 · answered by jb 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well don't know what the past issues are but it's up to you to make that decision because you know what issues your talking about. ALso remember that if you do move in together make sure he knows it's a 50-50 relationship n ot just him sitting ther and you doing everything. But think hard about it and go back and see if you can life with that. Because if you decide to live together amke sure to talk with him and make him realize he has responsiblities now.
2007-04-07 12:34:32 · answer #6 · answered by John S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A child senses when something is wrong between parents, Unless there is a better relationship between you two, I suggest you live apart and let the child see her Father, from time to time!
2007-04-07 12:30:03 · answer #7 · answered by Gerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to sort out your feelings first before you make a decision... a little girl is involve... try talking to someone else besides family and friends.. you will get a bias answer... good luck
2007-04-07 12:31:29 · answer #8 · answered by lala15 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to follow your gut feelings on this one.. your child needs to be assured she has 2 loving parents regardless of whether they are under one roof or 2.. you must have feelings for him, you have been together and had a child together, but only you knows whether you are ready to live together or not.. good luck to you...
2007-04-07 12:30:22 · answer #9 · answered by nurse_driller 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he is ready to get married. Isn't that REALLY what you want for your daughter - married parents?
2007-04-07 12:28:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋