Single daddy with shared custody needs advice on having a routine?

Question

My girlfriend and I split up a few months ago, and im trying to get a routine going, for my beautiful 2 year old daughter, the hard part is i only have her 10 days a month...should i give up on that idea and just roll with it each day, since im with her so little or get something started up...p.s----her moms not one for routines or punctionality,

Answer 1

She'll do better with a routine, even if it's only for a few days. It doesn't have to be rigid, but it will make her feel safe.

It can be something like, wake up between 7 and 8, play and read for a while, lunch between 11 and 12, story, nap, get up and play some more, dinner around 6, watch a video, bath jammies story and bed.

A general routine like this will keep the days somewhat predictable, but it doesn't have to be rigid or inflexible. You can do whatever during playtime, like go somewhere or play in the backyard, it doesn't matter. The most important elements are consistant meal and sleep times, and the bedtime routine should follow the same order every time. That's not a lot to impose, and not a lot to ask, but it's very important.

She'll feel her days with you are predictable and safe because her basic needs will be met consistantly. It will also help you feel sane because you can plan your day within predictable boundaries. Studies show that even adults produce fewer stress hormones under a loose schedule than none at all.

Good luck, you sound like a great father!

Answer 2

Regardless to how a mother brings up a daughter.. you have her ten days and its best you set boundaries and routine into your daughters life, not only will this teach her for the future but you are providing her with security something that all kids love and thrive with.

Start of by giving times for meals and snacks, always leave 4 hours between meals and feed snacks once between meals mid morning and mid afternoon about half way so she has time to get hungry for her meal. Feed her nutritional snacks and meals, offer a wide variety and keep junk food to a special treat on days out ie/ icecream at the park.

Then establish the time for her afternoon nap, ideally after her dinner can be anything from twenty minutes to an hour. Encourage her to go to bed for this nap to ensure no interruption downstairs.

Then a bedtime routine bath, milk, story, lights off (okay to leave a small night light on) and do this around 7pm but no later than 8.

She should sleep for about 12 hours, also within the next 6 or months she should start cutting out that afternoon nap but dont worry if she doesn't but if she starts sleeping for less at night cut it out.

Regardless how little you are with her you do want her to behave and not run wild when she is, and by doing this you will make your time with her easier ie tantrums, and more pleasant and fun if she has this routine

Good Luck

Answer 3

10 is almost half of the month. I would strongely advise to have a routine.

I would get her in the routine of bedtime at around 7:30-8pm everytime she's at your house. Brush your teeth together every night & morning, make a special kind of pancakes for her (i.e. blueberry or banana) on say, every Saturday. Little things like that, she'll appreciate and look forward to.

I wouldn't worry too much about your ex's lack of routines & punctionality. My ex's homelife is very very different than mine (i.e. his girlfriend and him fight all the time, different parenting styles, etc) and my son knows the difference of the two homes. He knows that stuff he can get away with at his dad's isn't tolerated here. He knows that I'm always going to have fresh fruit and veggies, that I'll snuggle with him and watch lame movies like Pokemon.

They totally know the difference between the two homes. It's really what you make it and what rules & routines you set up.

Answer 4

You can have a routine, but it now needs to include the transition time, however she's dealing with that. And, you need to be ready to throw the routine out the window, if you need to do so to meet her needs.

When my stepdaughter was coming every other weekend, we really concentrated on *family time* while she was here, trying, for the most part, to finish boring chores early or put them off until after she was gone. But, we didn't eliminate them altogether because that kind of stuff is part of being in a family, too.

But, your time with her is precious, right now, so you might find yourself not worrying so much about routines and, instead, just wanting to spend as much time with her as possible.

You might want to start your own transition rituals, though, to help her move from 'time with mom' to 'time with dad' then back again. When you first pick her up, head to the library & pick out a book for bedtime. Or, stop in at her favorite snack place & get her a juice & snack. Just something that she can have in her head - 'When dad gets me, we always do first'. Same thing for going back to mom's - a special hug, a story in the car while waiting for mom (if you do a pickup at a neutral place), a final quiet half hour at the kitchen table doing a puzzle before it's time to go - whatever works for the two of you - but, it will set the same sense of calm & routine in her head - 'Before I go back to mom's, dad & I always do '

She'll grow to count on these things. They will be soothing to her.

Answer 5

The fact that you are concerned about a schedule and want things to be consistent in her life, makes you an awesome dad. Not only does a routine work for her, you will find it will work for you as well. I do inhome care and alot of the kids don;t have structure at home, but are amazingly so well behaved because I set boundaries and keep with a daily routine. Kids are very smart and they know when to work a parent. If your daughter knows you will not just give in, it makes her world much clearer especially at at time like this. She knows that after her bath, daddy will read her a few stories, put her music on and give her lots of kisse and put her to bed. Or after lunch comes storytime and quiet time\nap time ( or whatever routine you do). At 2 they need the repetition just to secure them and it gives them a reassurance that no matter what, daddy will always be there. It makes me happy to hear you are concerened and curious of how to approach this. I highly reccommend reading Supernanny book. She is big on schedules. ( So am I :) With out schedule, I will not be able to have 5 or 6 kids at my house. LOL. One of our popular routines are. Lunch, treat ( meaning ice cream, lollipop, chocolate pudding...) after lunch, clean up and storytime, naptime or quiet time. Our bedtime routine is brush teeth, wash hands, read stories and I put on some soft music. I have also made a sticker chart for kids to fill up when they finish a task. LThat just makes it fun and encourages them. At a time like this, in my opinion routine is a necessity. Good luck. You sound like you are on the right track.

Answer 6

Many people will not agree with me, but i am an anthropology student who has a child and studies the child rearing practices of many cultures.

And, don da da da I think routine is so very over rated. "They" say it is needed to provide a strong sense of security for a child. I believe and witness in the awesomeness of my 4 year old, that love and validation are the central ingredients to a child feeling secure.

Even the Amish, who one may have thought the opposite, do not impose strict routines on their children, They do not put them in other rooms to sleep as infants, they keep them close by at all times, and do not sit down at planned meals but feed the children when they are hungry.

It has also been theorized that honesty with children is much better than overprotecting them from the realities of life. Children who are exposed to birth and death etc. are less likely to go through that teenage turmoil that is NOT pervasive in all cultures.

If one really loves their child and wants the best for them, I would not take everything you hear about raising children to heart, but take what what feels right to you, trust your instincts and love, love, love your child above all.

Answer 7

she needs the stability somewhere! If not with her mom then with you. Even just those ten days will make a difference. at 2 they start to understand so tell her its xx time to xx or in 5 min it will be xx time that means we xx. Tellher all the time until she picks up on it and she'll notice that when blues clues comes on its bath time or after dinner is bath time or whatever you get what I'm saying.

Do the routine it will help her when its time for school!

Good luck

Answer 8

Yes, you should still try to have a routine as it will help the both of you even if mom isn't doing it. Even if you have certain parts of the day more structured and other parts more 'rolling with it' it would be useful and helpful.

Answer 9

Well, if she does not have a regular routine you don't really have to at home. However- a routine would mean you could get more out of the time you have with her.

Get her to bed at 8:30, get her up by 8am. Have breakfast and head out to the park, walk around a museum or mall, join a play group (check craigslist.com), visit relatives or do projects at home.

Answer 10

having a routine after a split is very helpful and comforting for a child. however, whatever time you spend wiyh your agel is bound to be special. but routine is good. im not sure what kind of routine your asking about. daily? obviously there should be a nap time, maybe a walk at some point in the day. a bath at night. buy and read to her at bedtime. once you have your musts in a day, wake up, breakfast, play, snack,play,lunch,go for walk, or play at park, nap, play dinner,color with her,tv,bath,read,bed. switch it up but give her comfort things she can look forward to when she is with you. good luck