Ok, my friend made me her matron of honor in her June wedding long before I knew I was pregnant. By June I'll be almost 6 mos. pregnant and the dress she already got will NOT fit at all by then. On top of that I like in Kansas and she lives in Texas and I have a 1 yr old. I just don't want to drive all that way to wear a dress that doesn't fit (no she won't get another one and I can't afford to get one). On top of that I found out at my 8 wk visit that my blood sugar is high and they need to do some testing over the next few months. My husband is deployed, so it's me here alone with my son and we live on post and need a larger house so we will also be moving this summer. There's a lot on my plate as it is, I just can't have the stress of the wedding with all that has to be done. Am I a bad friend for telling her now that I just can't make it for the wedding? I hate to do it, but there's too much going on here right now for me to even think of going. Am I being too selfish?
2007-04-07 05:06:26 · 28 answers · asked by d4cav_dragoons_wife84 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I've already hand written her a letter and sent it about 3 days ago. I don't want her to think I'm try to ruin her special day, I'm not. It's just these things recently happened.
2007-04-07 05:14:41 · update #1
To Lee B: I had no idea I was pregnant until last month!!! I'm only 8 weeks pregnant right now, and that's an ultrasound diagnosis.
2007-04-07 06:27:56 · update #2
I'm sorry the above comment is for Miss. M
2007-04-07 06:29:00 · update #3
You are not being selfish at all. It will be very uncomfortable for you, standing in the Texas heat, 6 months pregnant, during a wedding. Additionally, you don't know what your doctor's orders will be then re: traveling. You're doing the right thing. Besides, planning a shower, bachelorette party, etc., is exhausting and you already have a lot on your plate.
That being said, you owe your friend a phone call. Writing a letter looks like you feel guilty (something you shouldn't feel) and like you're trying to back out of something you think you should be going through with. Additionally, it's just the right thing to do. Talk to her and explain yourself. It'll soften the blow.
Good luck!
2007-04-07 08:40:29 · answer #1 · answered by kimpenn09 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're being selfish but a little more advanced notice would have been nice. If you're going to be 6 months pregnant in June then you're 4 months pregnant now and could have told her at least a month ago. The part that sucks the most is that she obviously cares about you since she made you her Matron of Honor and not just a bridesmaid...Id try to make it work. Get the dress altered, try to find someone to watch your one year old for the weekend and make the drive. Texas isn't that far from Kansas, Ive made the drive many times. Id try to make it work and if it just isn't possible hope that she'll understand.
2007-04-07 05:18:48 · answer #2 · answered by miss m 4 · 0⤊ 4⤋
you and your baby's health come first. A true friend would understand. You did not know you were pregnant when you agreed to be her matron of honor. Rightnow you are pregnant and taking care of a one year old while your husband is fighting for our country. Don't add the stress of her wedding to your worries. You have a full plate as it is and don't need more stress. Take care of yourself and your children and if she is a true friend shewould agree you should not attend the wedding especially with your health good luck and god bless
2007-04-07 05:11:32 · answer #3 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think you are being selfish, but you need to contact your friend as soon as possible and let her know that you are backing out. I don't think it would be fair of you to wait til the last minute to tell her. She needs to be able to plan on someone else being in her wedding. Just explain the situation to her, she will understand if she is your friend. She might be a little upset at first, since you are good friends, but she should understand.
Good luck!!!
2007-04-07 05:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by operationspiritlift 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
NOOO, pregnancy is a good enough reason not to be in someone wedding... you didn't do it on purpose. She might be pissed at first but a good friend should understand. Just tell her you don't feel good and your sick all the time... explain to her that you are dropping out for her benefit not to ruin her wedding or to make her look bad. If you have too... even white lie and tell her you'll be bed ridden by then and just can't attend.
2007-04-07 05:13:44 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you are not. You have to do what is best for you and your babies. I was the maid of honor in a wedding last year and if I would have known how it would all pan out, I would have told her to find someone else. She isn't that worried about you being in the wedding if she isn't willing to do something different about your dress. You just take care of you and the things you need to take care of. You don't need any added stress.
2007-04-07 05:12:54 · answer #6 · answered by mom of 2 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
You are not being selfish at all.. you are being honest and if she is a friend she will understand.. you and the baby's health come 1st. Just tell her you are so very honored that she asked, and under different circumstances you would be delighted to be there.. and even though you cant make it, she will be in your heart on her wedding day!!!
2007-04-07 05:14:33 · answer #7 · answered by nurse_driller 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you can't afford it, you can't afford it. You shouldn't wear a dress that doesn't fit in her wedding and she shouldn't ask you to. Offer to help her out with some of the planning and explain to her what happened. If she is a true friend, she will understand, even if she doesn't like it.
2007-04-07 07:53:31 · answer #8 · answered by J.M. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No... that's not selfish at all. And I want to wish you the best of luck with your pregnancy and whatnot. My boyfriend is also deployed (he's stationed in Kansas too.) and so I understand the stresses of that. And if this woman is a good friend, she should too. Especially with a pregnancy on top of it all! That's a lot to deal with.
2007-04-07 06:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by amour4ever2007 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No. Just say due to your unexpected situations, you can not make it to her wedding, but you will send your wishes with a special gift enclosed. You will hope to met up with her sometime for a get together like the newlyweds out of dinner or something. Make it less than what it is, but make it where you still do care and am sorry.
2007-04-07 12:42:25 · answer #10 · answered by Mutchkin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋