How do I deal with family regarding destination wedding?

Question

I am about ready to lose my mind!! My fiance' and I are having a destination wedding in another state and my family is all pissed off about it. My mom and dad are mad and my sisters all keep saying "well you must not want anybody there". NO! Thats not why we're doing it this way! Why cant anybody understand that just because its a destination wedding, it doesnt mean we dont want them there. There are plenty of good reasons why we are doing it this way and also, we really want to!! I dont want to have the same exact wedding as all my older sisters. Then its not even special ya know?
I'd like to get to a point where I start enjoying my engagement and look forward to my wedding but right now, I just feel like crap.
Are there any other brides out there that have gone thru this? Why do people take weddings so personally!?

Answer 1

Getting married in Jamaica on the 19th of this month, and not one single family member or friend was invited. They got mad and then they got over it. It's your day. Do as you please.

Answer 2

First, people take weddings personally for different reasons, but mainly b/c they are such a turning point in one's life. Parents feel like they are finally letting go; this will be the beginning of your new family and a break from their family.
They want to be there to see it at least!

If your destin. wedding is going to cost them a lot more in travel & hotel expenses, and some may have to travel with kids, etc. then I can kind of see where they are coming from. It will be harder on them. Of course, what they should do is grin & bear it. But b/c they are your family they feel they can be brutally honest with you & it won't matter.

In the end, you need to decide what is going to make you & fiance' the happiest. Tell them this is what makes you happy. You are not trying to cause trouble or break the bank, and you understand if they can't come, but this is it.

Of course, when you take a stand like this, you have to be prepared for the cold hard fact that you can't please everyone all the time & you may have to hear a little grief over it.

The bottom line is, they will get over it. Or they won't. Either way, have no regrets about your wedding choices!

Answer 3

If they haven't been invited--if it's a private destination wedding for just yourself and your fiancee--your family might be upset because they want to be a part of your special day. If that's not the case (and it seems from what you've written that they will be invited?), they may be concerned that the expense and time involved will keep some of your family and family friends from attending. Time is precious for a lot of people, and not everyone wants to give up a whole weekend (or more) for one wedding. And not everyone wants their vacation money/vacation dictated by where you decide to have a wedding.

That being said, it is YOUR wedding and you're entitled to celebrate it however you'd like. Explain to them that this is the wedding you've imagined for yourself, and it's going to happen. You'd like their support, and you want very much for them to be there, but you'll understand if that isnt' possible. In a perfect world, they'll be happy for you no matter what. Unfortunately, this isn't a perfect world, and you may have to pick your battles.

And a wedding isn't special because it's a destination wedding. A wedding is special because two people love each other and want to be together. If you have the attitude that your sisters' weddings weren't special because they weren't particularly unique, maybe that is rubbing them the wrong way. Good luck.

Answer 4

I don't think you need to worry about offending anyone with your wedding. people are either happy for you or they aren't, and if they aren't then that shows their true colors. if you're paying for the wedding then you decide the guest list, but if your parents want to pay then they can invite all those tons of people you think would be offended. having a DW is a great way to keep your headcount down while still inviting a ton of people. I had 40% decline my DW invitations which is 2x the normal rate for a local wedding. I only wanted 95 people there and that's what I got, and planned it in only 8 mos while living 5 hours away from the venue. you should pay for your parents to attend your DW if they can't afford it but you're not obligated to pay anyone else's way. a webcast isn't a proven thing and may break down so I wouldn't bother with that. it'll also make those at home feel bad for not being invited, it's like shoving it in their face that you're on an island and they're not.

Answer 5

*raises hand. sounds exaclty what I went through just recently. Now his side of the family is even more pissed because we got married in Vegas while we were there vacationing last month with out telling them just because we got tired of hearing how each place we picked wasn't able to be done due to their lifestyle (driving, gas, work, time, too far, dont have the money etc).

We are still doing Maui next year in Feb as we originally planned. But it will be considered our 1 year anniv renewl. It is amazing.

Him and I put our foot down and said tough, if they don't want to go, then they don't go. It is their choice.

You just have to let them know and it is up to them whether they will listen or not.

My sister in law still thinks him and I planned vegas, which we didn't and told them not like they would of attended any ways cuz they wouldn't attend the beach places we choose along california coast (3 hour drive) nor maui. Even though we were paying over half of everything out of our own pockets for people to come cuz we know that is money. His mom said she would go and get the money no matter what, just a few months ago she got placed in jail and blamed my husband saying we have to pay for her to go if we want her to go... that type of crap. so. yeah, I been in that drama too and sorta am with the Hawaii issue.

but as I said, whoever wants to go, should go and there is many ways to make it extremly cheap.

Email me anytime if you need to talk.

Answer 6

I can see both sides. you want to get married somewhere else, thats fine, but this is your family and they want to be there to celebrate with you and having it away somewhere makes that difficult. as for having it where your sisters did and it not being special, thats not true either. a place doesnt make a wedding special. the people you love and want to celebrate with do. nobody is stopping you from enjoying your engagement but yourself. if this is really what you want and are goign to do then but your foot down and tell them your doing it regardless of how they feel about it so to either accept it and move on or dont come.

Answer 7

They're pissed because they have to inconvenience themselves and drive more than 10 minutes to your wedding. Send out the save the date cards with lots of info about your destination and hope they get over it. This is a case of the little girl not doing what everyone expects her to do. Do what you like and if no one else comes that's their loss, not yours.

Answer 8

I didn't do this but a friend did... everyone was pissed because of the cost and the vacation time... but I am having a traditional wedding and all of my family are pissed about it and bitching. My mother doesn't like the fact the date is set in stone and it can't be change if she doesn't feel good or has a pimple!! She keeps complaining I am spending to much money and it just too much stress for her?? she rather I get married by the JP. Moral of the story is, it doesn't matter what you do- they are still going to bi*tch about it!!!

Answer 9

OMG! I am having the SAME problem! I live in NYC and my man and I are getting married in Pennsylvania because we love it so!! (it will be a civil war theme) We can't STAND cookie cutter weddings and we are also the last siblings in each of our families to get married and VOW to do somethig different as well! EVERYONE we know is up in arms about it too! His family lives here in NY and they only have to drive a measley 4 hours yet complain complain complain. My family who lives in Nevada aren't evengoing to bother! This is our first marriage for both of us, we are paying for the whole thing ourselves, we are in our 30's and we are making it a GRAND event on a shoestring budget! Yet my mother has been giving me crap since day one about being there (she's healthy, has money, and can fly out for the weekend) yet I have never heard such excuses! My mom and selfish sister offered to throw me a second "wedding celebration" out west if I flew home, the same with my granny who offered to "take me out to dinner" if I did a quickie wedding copy for her in Florida, I can't believe these people want ME to have seperate occasions for THEM because they are too inconvenienced! Meanwhile, I have been there for THEM for all of their special milestones... it is rediculous. I have finally surrendered, with 7 months to go b4 the big day, who comes, comes. But those like my OWN MOTHER who just won't make the effort, has to realize we will have a tainted relationship because of it. I have never asked ANYTHING of my family except to be there on our glorious, creative day. I KNOW how you feel girlfriend! I am sure like me, there will be alot of wonderful people THAT DO and WILL show up for you, and frankly, we don't want negative complainers at our wedding anyway right??? Hang in there and email me if you want, I would love to hear how it goes... good luck, right there with you!!!