i have this 80 years old elderly friend, i met him 2 years ago, he has no friend, no children and a widower, only one sister and a nephew but they never visit him. He is house bound because he fell recently, i do shopping 3 times a week and takes him to doctor appointment, i am 29 years old and i am really tired of doing all this, i have my own life to live, he wouldn't ask help from his family, he also refuse social worker, or nursing home, or any assistance, he doesn't trust people, even i was never allowed to go inside his home. I work full time, and i really don't have time for all this, i used to love him but his bitterness and skeptism (even towards me) has made me very depresing, I want to stop seeing him but don't want to be mean, what should i do?
2007-04-06 22:54:38 · 7 answers · asked by saegiie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Congratulations for doing so much already. I take care of my 87 year old mother who lives with me and am very aware of what a thankless tasks this is. Now here is the important thing. You have already gone above and beyond the call of duty for a friend and I applaud you. However, you need to know that he will be safe for your own peace of mind. Contact Social Services in your area explain the situation and tell them that you are no longer going to be meeting his needs. They will send a case worker who is schooled in dealing with people that have his emotional mind set. Just because he does not want to ask for help does not mean that his family don't want to help him they may not be at all aware how dire the situation is. Old people can be very manipulative once again Congratulations on a job well done.
2007-04-06 23:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by QueenBean 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can talk to him and tell him that you're not able to do this anymore, you want to help, but you're burning out. It's called caregiver burnout I think. Tell him that he needs to allow a social worker access in order to help set up a caregiver because you can't do it anymore, besides it's costing you money that would normally be paid. He may not like it, but if it's an ultimatum, he may do it. You can be gentle about it, tell him you'll stick around until he feels comfortable with that person, help him pick someone out and all that to ease him into it. Maybe try contacting his family to do this, are they not around because of his lack of cooperation? Worst case scenario, tell him you'll call Adult Protective Services or call them and don't tell him it was you. There may not be a resolve for this if he remains uncooperative, but you need to realize that it's not your responsibility. You did a good thing but you have to live your life now.
I've helped my neighbor out a lot and I had to back away because it became too much, she's completely uncooperative, suspicious, angry and dementia only gets worse. I couldn't take the abuse anymore so I help when I'm called but try to stay away because it negatively affects my own health.
2007-04-06 23:03:10 · answer #2 · answered by LetMeBe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you need to ask him "do you like hurting my feelings?" - and let him know that you will have to stop taking him places if he doesn't try to respect you.
Also, why not consider getting some professional help on how to deal with him - on one hand, it is a priviledge to help the elderly, particularly when they have no one - on the other hand, some people are toxic, and must be avoided - you might even call Dr. Laura, or another licensed pyschotherapist, to get their response. Remember, you are not alone - there are many people like you in predicaments such as this.
2007-04-06 23:13:31 · answer #3 · answered by Dennis 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe talk to him and tell him that you are struggling to keep up with all the work, even try to just change one of his appointments a week to a nurse taking him as apposed to you and then gradually start droping more chores with him, once he builds up some trust with someone else he should be okay and then maybe you can just drop in for a cuppa and a chat when you can get to that stage, as to not abandon him completely!!!
2007-04-06 22:58:18 · answer #4 · answered by ballarinababyz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow what a mess. first of all i want to tell you i think your sweet. you have a heart of gold. i work at an assisted living and it can be really hard at times. i would just tell him he is getting to the point where he needs further care or assistance that you can't give him. its so hard to walk away from them, but like you said you do have a life also. he'll learn to trust again and it will take some time. just remind him you will come see him wherever he goes.
2007-04-06 23:00:48 · answer #5 · answered by princess1226 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simply expain he must take advantage of other help that is available, be it social worker, home health are, whatever.
Explain you can only see him on occasions, due to ( whatever) Don't cut him out altogether , but you should be helping him because you want to, but because you feel you have to,
2007-04-06 23:01:05 · answer #6 · answered by TedEx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think out of the kindness of your heart you should keep on seeing him ... although it is time consuming it has to feel rewardng that you are helping someone in their life !! that has to be a great feeling
2007-04-06 22:58:00 · answer #7 · answered by alainamorgan@hotmail.com m 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋