right words to say to my daughter explaining why we cannot help pay for her wedding after we told her we could

Question

I guess you would have to look at the first question I asked but, I really want to know from someone out there.
HOW CAN I SMOOTH THIS OVER? i want to let her know one way or another this will work out. I don't want them angry over this. I just don't know how to resolve this

Answer 1

Well how long until her wedding? If it is close and she is counting on having that you need to speak with her immediately. I am assuming that you have run into some type of financial burden. Explain exactly that to you daughter. Be honest and tell her like it is. Don't try to fluff over it. She will probably be upset in the immediate moment, especially if she has already committed to arrangements under the assumption that she will have the finances to do so. Let her blow off the steam.

My suggestion to you is to be armed with alternatives. Maybe she was looking into having a florist create centerpieces...Offer an idea of how the two of you can get supplies from a craft store and make something just a beautiful by yourselves. Research on line about easy ways to cut back costs and offer ideas to your daughter. Once she sees that she can have a lovely wedding on a limited budget, she may not be as upset. Best of luck to you..

Answer 2

oh wow I just read your first question as well... this IS a pickle!
How soon is this wedding? Have the invites already gone out? Obviously you can't go ahead with it exactly as planned if no one can afford to pay for it! Your daughter can't expect you to, given the changed circumstances, but at the same time if she wasn't expecting the burden herself I can appreciate how she must feel having all the plans going kaput!

You may be able to get some of your deposits back if you give enough notice to the venue, etc. If you have a good date, I'm sure they'll be able to rebook it easily enough.. your misfortune will be someone else's happiness! Or if you can't.. try cutting back on the reception.. the biggest expense!

There are so many things that people have just because they think they should.. but don't need! Look over your plans for things you can do without.. favours, fancy decorations, extra desserts, open bar...

Your daughter will get over her disappointment... don't impoverish yourself or her putting on an elaborate wedding that is over in a day!

Good luck to you.. my heart goes out to you.. I know how disappointed everyone must be over this.

Answer 3

Hmm. i think of that's a strange challenge all around. in the event that they provided to pay for a extensive bite of the marriage, then they'd desire to of course have some say. enormously in the event that they're procuring a place that fees with the help of the top. My fiance's mom and dad are procuring the main of our wedding ceremony, and that that they had fairly tight administration over the cut back of people invited, and extra considerable, who they needed to be there. in the event that they have been keen to pay extra to have extra of their area of the kin there, then you definately ought to have basically stated thank you and moved on with that for the period of innovations. i'd have basically seen a great situation in this in the event that they tried to provide help to already know which you weren't allowed to ask people who you needed to be there. This sounds like that's the opposite, and that's rather no longer very appreciative on your section. as far as them asserting no via fact they'd experience outnumbered, that's fairly stupid. ok, that's fairly stupid. Who the heck cares? It feels like they are under no circumstances mushy with a small wedding ceremony for some reason, and that excuse became a adverse one to refuse to come lower back to their own daughter's wedding ceremony. that's fairly damn crappy of them, their daughter will resent them for it, and that they're going to remorseful approximately that determination later in the event that they're in any respect first rate people. I understand why your fiance is harm, yet my suggestion would be to attempt to go on and be happy that your loved ones is worked up and happy, and to concentration in this as a time for you 2 and handle her mom and dad after all this.

Answer 4

From reading your previous question, I'm not sure there are any words that can "smooth things over" with a daughter who wants her unemployed/disabled parents to sign a promissory note stating that they will repay her for her wedding.

Just tell her (together) that you have discussed it and that your day-to-day living is more important in the immediate future than anything, and that you're very sorry but that bad things happen to good people. Tell her that you will make her a gift of money when you can afford to do so but that you can't follow through with your promise at this time.

Answer 5

I looked at the first question you asked and the answers you received and I have to agree wholeheartedly with the people who said your daughter was behaving selfishly. I mean expecting disabled and unemployed parents to take out a loan to pay for the wedding of two young, able-bodied, employed adults is absolutely ridiculous! Sometimes, life throws you a curve ball and she needs to learn that. I know you want to fix things with her, but there isn't anything you can do if she insists on being a Bridezilla. She knows she can charge her wedding on her credit cards, but I'll bet she's got those babies maxed out already.

Tell her you'll give her all the money you have if she'll let you and your hubby move in with them when you lose your house. Watch how fast she runs!

Answer 6

Mmmmm! how young is she? I married when I was 30 and my fiance and I paid for the wedding ourselves. His parents helped with the alcohol expenses for the wedding and my mom helped with the location but it was just help that we appreciated very much at that time. I think her reaction will depend in how her level of maturity is. I also think you jumped to quickly to make an offer but if you can't make it step out of it really quickly before she goes too fast or too far with her wedding arrangements. I would take her to a very nice and private place to talk about how you can actually help her to make her special day happen. I had a BEAUTIFUL and fancy wedding with just the best of the best but and here's the BUT, we had to cut the number of guests to make this happen. We just invited the closest relatives and best friends = 70 people. I hope she has a good level of maturity and really value your love and concern about this giving importance what really is as her marriage and the importance of a family. Best luck!

Answer 7

I read your first question, and I feel horrible for you and your husband, hopefully he can find a job soon.

Your daughter is obviously aware of your financial situation, she knows her dad has lost his job, and you're on disability. Be open and honest with her about your financial situation, holding NOTHING back, and simply tell her that you cannot finish paying for the wedding. I understand they have student debt and all that, and it will be difficult for them to take on more debt (and I wouldn't reccommend it either), but they should be understanding with you guys here. Also, I'm going to disagree with your daughter on the vendors she's signed contracts with saying there's no way she can get out of them, of course there's a way she can get out of it, you just might lose most of or all of the money you've already paid into it. Also, these vendors are business owners, and they're human beings as well. I'm sure if she went to each one, explained the situation, and asked what could be done at this point to keep future expenses to a bare minimum, I'm sure MOST, if not all of them would be willing to help make her wedding happy from this point on. Offer to help with this, go with her to meet with each vendor personally.

Now for the not so nice part....your daughter's an adult here, otherwise she wouldn't be getting married, right? Both she and her husband are capaple of supporting themselves financially, right? If she can't be adult enough here to realize that sometimes life will hand you a lemon, and your best bet is to make some lemonade out of it, then I question if she's adult enough to be getting married at all. If she can't accept your limitations here, and figure something out on her own, then you and I both know she's in for a rough haul in her marriage, because life has NO guarantees. A good friend once told me one of the biggest lessons we can teach our children is how to handle disappointments. I'm not going to say your daughter is selfish (although she certainly sounds like it to me) but it definitely sounds like she hasn't learned that valuable life lesson yet. She's going to have to learn it sooner or later.

Also, I want you to realize that you cannot control your daughter here. If she CHOOSES to get angry with you and your husband over this, then that's her choice. But you can't control if she does or doesn't get angry, all you can do is be calm and collected and reasonable yourself, and it sounds as though you are.

Seriously, Monday morning, call each vendor, and start explaining what's going on with your fiances. I'm sure most will be willing to work something out with you guys that won't cost you any more, or very little at the most. Stuff like this happens all the time, trust me. Best of luck to you, and I hope you have a happy Easter. God bless!

Answer 8

so my first post was totally wrong and i am rewriting it..she is a witch..and i wouldn't sign crap..if they both have cars etc...they should know the value of a dollar..and they should also know that for you to be able to eat is a little more important than them having fifteen dozen rose petals on the ground for them to walk on for all of five minutes...they will get over it...its one day in a life..its a valued day yes..but its also not going to be the end of the world if its not paid for by good old mom and dad..you have been making payments for months his family has given all they can...then looks like the rest falls on them..when you are spending other peoples money its so easy..shop shop shop when its yours its hoard hoard hoard...maybe its time she learned this..as for what you can do to mend this rift..nothing give it time an hopefully she will grow up and realize you have done all you can do..

Answer 9

Tell her the truth -- that it cost more than was expected (and it usually is) but you can also suggest that she makes alterations in order to save money (weddings do not have to be fancy at all, it can be done right in front of a JP as ours was) it can be small and private. There are ways to save money on a wedding. Try here for some more ideas:

http://www.emediawire.com/releases/2006/7/emw408097.htm

Answer 10

this may or may not help you - you may want to encourage her to have a lovely but small wedding and a huge reception -

the wedding does not last that long where as the reception if wanted can go on for hours and tapes of the marraige can be played ( with out editing ) immid. after in the reception room while wedding participants are takeing a few pictures - or while theyre in the room -