Can anyone help me please? This is a serious relationship question!?

Question

How do you win a guy back without playing "the game"?
In the last few months my relationship with a certain hunky from down under has been kinda strained as we have both been under some stress in our individual lives. I try to be there for him as best I can but it seems that now he is pulling away. He hasn't lied to me that I know of, but I get this weird feeling that he is no longer interested in being more then friends. Maybe that there might even be someone else he is interested in. How do I know for sure. I have asked him safe questions, but don't dare ask the "relationship" questions anymore or he is sure to run the other direction. How do I get his interest back? Should I play like I don't care? I hate playing games, but I don't know what else to do.. Can anyone help?

Answer 1

Be straightforward, if you approach the "relationship" question and he bolts and runs, well its done, at least for now. Isn't it better to know and move on than stressing on whats going on? If he is still interested, mature enough to handle a relationship and you are straightforward he will appreciate the honesty. The female mind is hard for us guys to read, we have more questions than you do. If he does bolt and run do you really want someone that you have to raise and convince you are what he wants, regardless of how hunky? Thats high maintenance BS.

Answer 2

Maybe you could ask him if everything is alright; if there is anything wrong; you could tell him you feel like he's distant, and if he needs someone to talk to you will listen. I am not sure how tight you were or if you were boyfriend/girlfriend or just flirting and knew that you both liked each other, but you could just ask him how he feels about you and tell him to be honest with you. I never liked to play games because sometimes you can misread what is really going on in the relationship. If you sense he needs some space, give it to him because the best way to drive someone away is to overly chase after them and constantly call them, etc. I wouldn't totally play like you don't care, but you could not be so available or always there. Initially in a relationship, guys tend to go after the ones they aren't sure they can get, and no one wants the ones they can have. There's something about the pursuit and chase that attracts guys. I would be upfront, ask directly but not in a demanding tone, and put all your cards on the table. You can tell him how you are concerned about the relationship and just want to know where you stand. What's the worst he will do? Cuss you out? Laugh at you? Tell you he just wants to be friends? If it's not meant to be or he's not interested in you more than just friends, there's nothing you can do to change it. You can't make someone have feelings for you. I feel for you girlie because I remember those days and how hard it was. I am happily married now and have been for 12 years, but it was fun, hard, exciting, and then heartbreaking at times during those dating years. Good luck!

Answer 3

Hi there, I know what you mean by guys acting like they care so much and they suddenly they go on in another direction. Some times you just have to work at the friendship thing for a while. Friendship is way more important then a relationship. Maybe you to just need to spend time together as friends and really get to know each other once again. I know it sounds really stupid but try the simple movies, beach the really easy stuff like that and then make your moves eventualyl once everything is comfortable to you again. Maybe he is really confused as to what is going on himself and is also worried just like you that if he says anything that you might go running in a different directions. Men are extremely confusing. no one will ever understand what they are thinking and when.

Answer 4

You have tunnel vision--only seeing the question of winning him back. the big questions are being ignored. ...what are the stresses you mention?? You and he and millions of others have stress.... that is life and everyone handles them differently. Sure you want to be there for him--but you should worry about yourself first. Support is nice but maybe you over did it or he doesn't want your help--it is very easy to appear as a smothering person. So stop. You are not married--he may or may not have another girl--if he does ,that is his choice and his business. Men and women see these issues differently--women are emotional--men are not. Do not expect him to react as you do or see things the way you do. So stop beating yourself up and consider another guy--get the whole picture here--it is over and you should move on. No big deal--it is life. Smile, be nice, be cool, relax and good luck

Answer 5

You're right about not wanting to play games, because there's always a loser in games. The truth is, if he is no longer interested in you, there's really nothing you can do to win him back. All you can do is be honest with him about your hopes and feelings. Then, it's basically up to him to decide what he wants. And if he says no, put him behind you and move on. No point wasting yourself pining away for someone who doesn't want you.

Answer 6

If you decide to play games, you will lose. It's that simple. For any relationship to work, you must be honest and open. Simply ask him what's going on and how he feels. If he can't answer it, he's playing games and you should move on. There are plenty of hunks (just ask my wife about me) out there to replace someone not willing to open up and be honest with you. If you feel you need to beat around the bush with safe questions, then you allready know it's over. Accept it and move on. It's much easier than wondering.

Answer 7

I think you are right, you should not be playing game at all. there are only 2 ways that this can go. Either get closer or walk away. Talk to him and find out the truth. I know it is going to be tuff but it is better to know the truth sooner than to be hurt even more at a later time. I am not saying that it will surely go that way, but you can be prepare

Answer 8

The only way to have something real is to be up front so you will never have to second guess what he means or is feeling
talk to him face to face,not on the phone because it's to many things that can go wrong on the phone someone else calling you or him,the tv just anything.plus its nothing like looking into someone eyes to let them know that you are true

Answer 9

Tell him how you feel and if you don't like his response - move on. Find someone who understands that sh*t happens in life that is beyond our control and people need individuals that they can lean on and not a person who pulls away when things get tough.

Answer 10

Don't play games. I know it hard, but you should be honest wilth both yourself and him. If he responds negatively, he might not be the one. If you act like you don't care, neither will he. Hoped this helped. Good luck. (btw, sex is NOT the the way to go).