No physical attraction in my relationship. Is that okay?

Question

I have a wonderful boyfriend of over a year, but I don't think i'm physically attracted to him. I love him more than anything, and he has a cute face, and I love his muscular arms, but the rest of him...it does nothing for me. I feel horrible. I can't picture my future without him...but I feel like a horrible girlfriend for not feeling attracted to him. I think that if i was more attracted, then the sex would be better, which would help our relationship i think because i don't see him often, and when i do, the sex isn't all the fantastic. but it's not cuz he's bad, it's me. I just don't know what to do. is my relationship in danger? I just wanna tell him how i feel, but then I think he'll hate me. I mean, if he told me he didn't find me attractive, i'd be crushed, wouldn't you?

Answer 1

I feel for you, I have the same situaton with my husband. I never date anyone for their looks. I met him, our personalities clicked, we get along great. I was never sexually attracted to his body persay. I love him though, the whole him, everything about him. We don't have a fantastic sex life but to me it is fine cause I can't picture life without him. He is turned on by me big time and it makes me feel bad, but I never let him know he doesn't turn me on. I tell him I love lying on his hairy chest, which I do, I tell him he has a cute little butt, and he does, but he has a big belly and skinny legs. No one is perfect and looks fade over time. You need to love the person, not the outside. I would never trade my husband for a hunk no matter what. He treats me like a queen. It just depends how much you want him, don't obsess on not being attracted sexually, it can work, if you want it to. Give it time and see what happens, don't marry untill you are sure though. Good luck.

Answer 2

Sex is an extremely important part of a relationship. Common sense tells you that it helps to be sexually attracted to the person that you are having sex with. The sex is never going to get better with this guy because you are not into him. You could try picturing yourself having sex with someone else while having sex with him in order to get off. But chances are, that won't work. I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. I was in the same exact situation a few years ago. My boyfriend was the nicest man that I had ever been with. But he was also one of the ugliest people that I had ever been with. I gave this guy a chance because my family members had kept saying that I was too picky and that I should not worry about looks as much as what kind of a person a person is on the inside. So I gave this guy a chance. I shouldn't say it, but just seeing him naked was almost an instant turn off. The sex was lousy because I never was really into him. I tried picturing other people while we were having sex, but even that didn't help. I ended the relationship with him. There is a difference between friends and lovers. If there is no physical attraction whatsoever, just be friends with the person. If there is sexual attraction, then fine, go for a normal sexual relationship with the person. This relationship is doomed to fail anyways. What if some hot guy that you are very sexually attracted to comes along and shows interest in you? Will you be able to turn him down? I think that you should end the relationship. Make it as gentle as possible. Tell him that you just don't feel the same way that he does and you are ending the relationship. Tell him that you would like to remain friends. Please don't mention that you don't find him to be attractive whatsoever. That would devastate the man. If he tells you that he doesn't want to be friends then that is understandable. By staying with this guy, you are hurting both of you. You are hurting yourself because you are not getting everything that you need out of your relationship. You are hurting him because you are wasting his time. He could be with someone that really does find him to be sexually attractive. Breaking up is hard at first, but the pain goes away over time. You need to find someone that you are actually sexually attracted to to be with. A relationship without physical attraction and great sex isn't much of a relationship at all. This is a really personal thing for you to decide. Good luck with your decesion.

Answer 3

I think that you should tell him because sometimes we have to tell the ones we love what we would hate to say. I think that maybe you and him may be better at being good friends because if you are not physically attracted to him then you have fallen in love with his mind and heart and not what he can give you. That is good but it's more on a friend status because there is no physical attraction so that part is what is missing. Talk to him about it and let him know exactly what you have just typed in this question because there is no sense of being in a relationship without telling each other the truth. There may be something that can be done about this whole thing that you two can do together. Talk to him. Good luck!

Answer 4

Yes, its ok, and perfectly normal to feel that way, but I wouldnt feel comfortable with this girl at his work. I cant believe he actually admitted to having a phy attr to another woman... esp, a woman at work. She may KNOW you two are together, but if she is staring at him, it means she doesnt care that he's got a woman... some women are catty beeyotches, and won't give a sh^t about you, or him. And men will never say no to FREE nookie, when a girl is just offering it up. Then they come begging back saying things like "It meant nothing to me" etc, but the point is, you can't just have a "taste" of something when you are in a committed relationship. That's the point of committment. There are plenty of guys I want to jock, but I dont say it out LOUD to my guy, and I do NOT act on it either. Because I am committed to him, and he is committed to me. See? If I were you, I'd focus on ONE person at a time... YOU first, and what you want and to remind yourself that there are BILLIONS of men in the world. Second, you are going to STOP thinking and considering her. She is NOTHING to you. And third and most important: you are going to WATCH your bf closely when it comes to where he is spending his time...... and if you see that he is all of a sudden spending a lot more time "working late" then I'd dump him and give some of the billions of guys that have been waiting to get a chance at you, have the chance at you. Honestly, just reading that your guy told you out loud that he is phys attr to another woman, is so gross. He's not that smart, which is yet another turn OFF about your guy... ew. Seriously, if it was me, I'd dump, but I know that emotions are involved in these things. I would NEVER date a guy unless he was exactly what I wanted, and I could not over look something like this. Men dont either, that's why they vanish all of a sudden after dating a girl for like 6 months... that's how guys get what they want in a woman. They dont settle unless it is right. All of it, not just 'meh'... good luck.

Answer 5

Can you imagine trying to buld a long term relationship or a marriage with someone you don't find attractive or desire ? It will not work but at some point, you will come across someone you do find attractive and want to be with. You can love someone but not be in love withthem and you know what, it's alright. It is better to nip the relationship in the bud instead of dragging it out out of fear or desperation of not having anyone right now in your life. Youa re cheating yourself an dyou are cheating him out of finding someone who wants to be in a physical, emotional, deep relationship where there is attraction for one where there is not. End it and you both will be better off. Why live a lie ?

Answer 6

I think you should get used to spending life without him. You cant have a 100% relationship if you don't find him physically attractive. If you feel this way now, it will only get worse in the long run.

Answer 7

Sex is extremely important, it is about intimacy -Looks have nothing to do with intimacy.

It sounds like you two have chemistry together but maybe you are not enjoying sex because of bad communications?

If you love each other, eventually you will both grow old together, get fat and wrinkly anyway. Ask yourself how important those vane details will be to you 10 years from now.

If you really love him, try talking to him about ways to make sex more exciting. Maybe you like muscles? Try joining the gym together...In the meantime, try turning down the lights.

Answer 8

If it is OK with you, then there isn't anything wrong with it.

However I couldn't have a relationship like that, it just wouldn't be the way I want to spend my life. To be honest with you, it just sounds sad. If you tell him, it will crush him and that will be the end of your relationship. You would be better off just breaking up with him, at least that won't hurt as much.

Answer 9

END THIS IF YOU DO NOT HAVE ANY PHYSICAL ATTRACTION TO SOMEONE IT AIN'T GOING TO WORK OUT. Another word for physical attraction is chemistry heard of that one really if you got no spark or anything that makes you go Ahhh when you look at him.
Then you might as well be dating a sibling?

Really this is never going to end good so before you spend anymore time with this guy end it before you do serious damage to your life and his!

Good Luck and God Bless!

Answer 10

yea i would be crushed if i was told that but i would want to be told just the same i would rather know that my partner wasn't attracted to me then to believe that they were. honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. i don't know if a person has to actually physically attracted to their partner but if they are it helps the relationship.