myself & my husband promised our only daughter when she got engaged 1 year ago that we would pay for the wedding. we have been making deposits as required. but, now 2 months before my husband lost his job ,we may have to move to avoid losing our home since we now have no income and are living on a small bank account until he can find work. I am disabled and was just approved for benifits late march 2007.the way ssa is so slow in everything I can't depend on recieving 2 years backpay anytime soon. we explained to the both of them our situation and they don't understand why we don't have money set aside for them. I feel terrible about this. we promised them but cant do it now unless we know my husband can find another job fast . otherwise the little bit we have we need for food,medicines,other bills ect..
I am going out of my mind trying to think of solutions to this.
they suggested us taking a loan but with no income now how can we repay this? we have no credit cards, .what can I say
2007-04-06 14:46:41 · 14 answers · asked by ohsosad 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I appreciate everyones answers however, how can I smooth this over with my daughter and her soon to be husband. they told us last week if they cannot pay because of their student loans,car payments rent.ect. and cancelling the wedding cannot be done at this late date because they signed contracts with their names they are liable to pay. I nedd the words to say to them to let them know it will be okay.if they have to charge it on their credit cards,they want us to have something in writing stating we will pay them back. I guess I am looking for the right words to say to them and don't really know how to say anything at this point I don't want to avoid them and I may see them easter sunday. does anyone has any suggestions as to what to say to make it clear that we don't want a fight over this. I understand the grooms parents gave as much as they could already. I am too embarassed to tell anyone else in the family about this
2007-04-06 16:06:53 · update #1
There's nothing you can do. This is why couples these days pay for their own weddings, and budget accordingly.
2007-04-06 14:53:03 · answer #1 · answered by Lydia 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. They want you to take out a loan for their own wedding? It sounds like maybe they aren't old enough to be getting married.
Do all the people in your family have expensive weddings that break the bank?
What if they keep it simple? I'm sure there are some inexpensive alternatives that may end up being even better than some of the more expensive ones.
I went to a great wedding once. It was held in a park by a serene lake. There was a big group area with picnic tables under cover, the type of place set aside for summer events. I'm guessing they just had to reserve the place and if anything, pay a small fee to use it. There was lots of food. It wasn't catered or anything, just whoever was in charge of food made a lot and if I remember correctly there was barbequed food too. Buy a bunch of alcohol for the drinkers. I guess the guy that married them must have been paid a certain amount. I can see the prices adding up, but not to the extent that it would severely hurt anyone. All you really need for a wedding party is food, drink, and music.
2007-04-06 16:08:57 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
There are at least two different possibilities. 1.) She just isn't that into weddings. Some women aren't. Some women see them as absurd examples of conspicuous consumption, or a lot of sexist girlyness.) If this is the case...it's not a big problem. Take the opportunity to plan a cheapo wedding so they can save for a house. Or let the husband plan the wedding...it's his wedding also, (Indicators this is the case would be an aversion to "girly" stuff, an aversion to spending, vaguely feminist or socialist attitudes.) 2.) She could be the sort of women who passively lets people around her take care of everything. I've known some people with self esteem problems who always assume others can do everything better then they can. Young pretty girls sometimes go straight from being "Daddy's Little Girl" to having men fawn over them and do stuff for them. They may never get into the habit of just taking care of stuff. (My best friend's wife is like that). If THAT is the case, you have a problem. It can be more like having a child then a wife. Women like this often count on relatives to care of things for them...and if she marries your son and has kids, it can be hard to say no. (Indicators this is the case would be a complete lack of hobbies or career, a preference for passive women in your son.) The real question is, is she like this about everything?
2016-05-19 00:59:31 · answer #3 · answered by tamra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough situation. I like the answer some else gave about telling them you will pay for their wedding, but will need to come live with them to do it. I feel your daughter's frustration about having plans based on what they thought they were getting, but you have to live somehow. How can you get a loan if your husband doesn't have a job? Maybe the florist, the photographer,etc. would take payments spread over time if the situation was explained. Start praying and maybe God will bless you and your husband with a job and your daughter with a little sympathy and some problem solving abilities to change what she can in the plans, and to come up with some alternatives.
2007-04-06 17:01:46 · answer #4 · answered by Joyce P 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You certainly should not feel guilty that you ar ein these unfortunate circumstances. If they cannot accept that such things have happened and caused you to not be able to provide a lavish wedding then they need to go to the bank and get a personal loan to take care of what you were not able to. The nin time if your husband gets on his feet with a new job and you are able you can put something toward as payment on the loan. This should be something that you offer not that your child expect.
2007-04-10 07:51:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What they are asking of you is totally selfish and inconsiderate. They are lucky to have parents who were willing to foot the bill for their wedding. Taking out a loan for a wedding is a very stupid idea. You already have enough to think about with your disability, husband's lost job, your own bills, medicine, etc. Your daughter is spoiled, and she has to learn that things won't always be handed to her.
Help her come up with ideas to cut costs. Can you think of a single wedding favor you've ever kept? Me, neither. Nobody cares about wedding favors! There are plenty of places to cut corners and still have a fabulous wedding. Tell her she is thinking far too much about the wedding and not enough about the marriage. Starting off into a marriage is hard enough...why do it in debt, or worse, by putting your families in debt?
I seriously cannot believe your daughter is mad at you. I am 25, my parents are both disabled, and my fiance's family can't help us pay for anything either. He and I are paying for everything on our own, and are going to have a wonderful wedding for less than $2,000 when everything is said and done. Your daughter is lucky to have the help you have already given her. If you ask me, SHE owes YOU an apology!!!
2007-04-06 15:28:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
What a selfish child you have raised. You would think her main concern would be that her parents have what they need in this tough time instead of her acting like a child. She sure doesnt sound mature enough to be getting married. What is wrong with her and her fiance taking out a loan and making the payments on it. If at a later time you can or even want to give them the money back then do so. What is wrong with people? Why does everyone think its all about them and no one else anymore.
2007-04-06 15:00:29 · answer #7 · answered by Cathy S 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
i would not feel bad or guilty about this you haven't done anything wrong at all. it is not as if you knew these problems would arise. maybe make suggestions to your daughter to plan a bit differently so the wedding and reception will be less of an expense. maybe suggest they wait to have a honeymoon until they can afford it. food,medicines and other bills are a bit more important then a big fancy wedding. maybe also suggest a small civil ceremony and a bigger reception. hope this helps Good luck
2007-04-06 19:38:01 · answer #8 · answered by atomsapple 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand this is a hard situation, but right now you need to do what is best for you and your husband. They should be grateful that you were able to pay the deposits. How selfish they are to ask you to take out a loan. If they are getting married, they are obviously adults, they need to act like it and take responsibilities. You don't need the added stress right now.
2007-04-06 15:06:49 · answer #9 · answered by PhantomRN 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
They should understand your financial situation and not hold it against you.
I would not try to get a loan to pay them either. YOU need to take care of you and your husband. Do not sign anything saying you will pay them.
They are being very selfish in your hard times.
I'm sorry to hear they do not understand why you cannot help them anymore.
2007-04-07 01:36:59 · answer #10 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your daughter needs to learn that everything will not always go her way. There is nothing you can do about the situation you are in. You were going above and beyond for your daughter. If you had the money set aside, doesn't she think you would be using that for yourselves--not for her. That's what I would want my parents to do.
2007-04-06 14:58:06 · answer #11 · answered by Melissa R 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋