My boyfriend is a really great guy. I like him a lot, but I am presently trying to get over sexual abuse. He understands how horrible that was for me and how im still learning to trust, but i do feel a little uncomftorable with him doing a whole lot of snuggling and kissing my neck and stuff. Im not really sure how to tell him or if i should even tell him that. Should i tell him that or not??? Do you think he will be mad at me if i tell him? If you think i should tell him, how should i tell him im a little uncomftorable???
2007-04-06 13:16:49 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You can just tell him....If he can't understand then he is not the guy for you. Any good man or young man would be more than compassionate and considerate for a young lady in your situation...if he can't be compassionate then it is not true love.
Honestly, you are doing the right thing by not mixing a new sexual relationship while you are trying to heal from a sexual abuse incident.
Please remember...the abuse issue...does not define you. DO not let it hold you back.....let it make you stronger...remember this does not define who are you are.......or who you become!!!
2007-04-06 13:29:49 · answer #1 · answered by yidlmama 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell this guy how well you think of him and how concerned you are about him leaving or rejecting you for being honest about the sexual trauma that you are still being affected by. Tell him that you want your relationship with him to grow and flourish in every way but you are not yet ready for all the snuggling and kissing just yet. Let him know that his affections are making you feel uncomfortable even though you wish it wasn't. You don't have any reason to apologize to him. If he is as great a guy as you say then he WILL understand. Show him this question you've asked to Yahoo and let him read all of the replies you get back in return. Take note then of how he respects you and make sure you don't allow him to continue to move too fast any more. You stay in therapy till you know you're through the pain and encourage him to go to a support group session or two with or without you to get a fuller sense and understanding of what you've been through and where you are right now because of the sexual abuse. This could do some good for both of you if your feelings are mutual and it could also strenghthen your relationship. I hope for a complete healing for you hun.
2007-04-06 20:36:50 · answer #2 · answered by mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best to be upfront right from the start. If you are still uncomfortable snuggling he will soon feel it and take it personal. So be upfront and let him know you need to take it slow and easy for a while. If he is a real man, he will show patience and understanding. Tell him heart to heart talks might help you through the tough time you are going through right now. This will help you both bond stronger and help you with your inner fears.
2007-04-06 20:25:19 · answer #3 · answered by Vida 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't talk to your boyfriend about stuff like that, I'm afraid your relationship won't last. What I suggest is that you talk to him about these issues when you are in a public place where your physical relationship is kept in check. Tell him exactly what you are saying in your question. Tell him how you feel about him and that you need some time to allow yourself to trust. If he understands and respects you, future times when you get uncomfortable with any of the physical stuff, all you need to do is tell him to slow down or stop and he will.
2007-04-06 20:23:12 · answer #4 · answered by Erin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should let him know. Most guys don't snuggle or kiss your neck unless they think you like it, and he probably doesn't want to do things that upset you. I'm sure that if he is a decent guy, he will understand that you're just not ready for that.
2007-04-06 20:21:28 · answer #5 · answered by It's Just My Opinion 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are going through a very serious and emotional state right now. You have to let him know how you feel, otherwise he cannot have sympathy for you. If he is that great guy, he will respect you and give you the space you deserve. If he chooses to continue his behavior, then ditch him, because its not worth it. I am so sorry to hear about your abuse. Maybe you should seek counceling if you haven't already.
2007-04-06 20:25:34 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should let him know that he is moving a little to fast .If he gets mad then you know that he isn't the one for you. Just tell him honey you know what happened to me and i need you to slow down because your not ready to have alot of sexual content. he should understand.
2007-04-06 20:22:26 · answer #7 · answered by stephanie2good4u 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been there, tell him... you have a right to feel the way you do, and if you give in to his advances before you are ready you will someday down the road be very mad at yourself. Good Luck!!
2007-04-06 20:21:22 · answer #8 · answered by clbinmo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be open and honest with him. If he doesn't understand or can't accept it that should send up a red flag about what type of person he really is.
2007-04-06 20:21:54 · answer #9 · answered by mr. Bob 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tricky issue. If you are thinking of a long term relationship, I think you are better off letting him know sooner than later.
2007-04-06 20:19:40 · answer #10 · answered by krsh28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋