He broke up with me yesterday. We are seniors in high school and have been together for 2 years. He liked me since 7th grade. We were very close and we got along fine but he started spending more time with his friends. Anytime I would speak up and say something wasn't right he would either send me home or say "look , if you don't stop this, I'm gonna break up with you." or if he didn't get his way he would turn things around on me and make it seem like it was my fault. For the past 4 weekends he has made up some excuse for why he can't see me. Last week it was b/c he had to help his friend work on his car. The week b4 it was cuz an old friend was in town. But when I spoke up about it yesterday he said I just wanted him all to myself and it was only one day (which wasn't true b/c the 2 days b4 he didn't see me and he wasn't gonna see me until after Sunday) so he broke up w/ me b/c we fight too much. Do u think he will realize he was selfish and change to get back with me?
2007-04-06 12:47:31 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When we have broken up in the past he has always asked me back. He broke up with me once for 3 weeks b/c I have ocd and I always asked him questions that were accusing over and over again. But he asked me back out after I went to counseling and got medication. I changed for him and I want him to change and stop being so selfish and talk about our problems instead of when I want to talk about something him saying either stop or I'll break up with you. I have always taken him back in a heartbeat and my family says he knows I will always be there so he can do what he wants and he knows that I will always take him back. Do you think he can stop?
2007-04-06 12:51:58 · update #1
You two are still minors, for heaven's sake. You have years ahead of you and hundreds more people to meet, both in college and in the workplace. This is not your final relationship nor should it be. You will both change and grow - since you are not even a fully formed person yet!
He sounds manipulative. From what you say, if you say something he doesn't like he either 1) cuts you off emotionally or 2) gets in a fight and makes it seem as though it is your fault.
You can't really control the behavior of other people you know, and would you really want someone that you could control like a robot? You two are still very young and immature. A person can't make another person love them. He has his own interests and friends and you have yours. You two are not married - and for heaven's sake please don't!! You have lots of growing still to do.
You are bickering over a day's worth of time! Ridiculous. Try waiting two years for someone without knowing whether they are dead or alive - many wives have had to do that when their husbands were in the military. Try having a wonderful husband who is suddenly paralyzed - and you find yourself taking care of someone round-the-clock for the next 20 or 30 years while you have to go out and earn the living for both of you. These are true adult relationships, mature relationships. You haven't even begun to live yet and have years and years yet to go.
Why should he "change" himself just to try to get back with you? (or vice versa) If you two are not a fit, then the relationship is over. Only insecure people demand that of other people. Wouldn't it be better to find someone who likes and accepts you as you are?
2007-04-06 13:23:59 · answer #1 · answered by D 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your ex-boyfriend sounds like he’s been using you for an excuse to break up. He may be hiding something from you, perhaps seeing someone else on the side or maybe he just doesn’t want to be attached anymore. He may just enjoy being free and hanging out with his friends. Sometimes young men and older men for that matter, run away from relationships when they feel tied down. It would certainly be easier for me to say forget about him and be on your way but I wont say that because it’s not an easy thing to do. My suggestion is for you to get busy doing something you enjoy. Try and spend time with good friends who are encouraging to you. And save your energy, time and generosity for someone who deserves it. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, but you’re very young and you still have a lot to learn about relationships. What I will tell you though is not to beat yourself up over this situation. He may in time come to realize he was being selfish or maybe he wont, but what ever his reasons, be assured that you are not the cause. I’m sorry this has happened to you and I know you must feel hurt by his actions however there are times when things are painful in the beginning but in the end it is beneficial. You never know what the outcome may be.
Sincerely Amonda
P.S. I just read your added comment and I'd like to add that you have to appreciate who you are, never change your personality to win someones affections. Change only because you want to be a better person.
Amonda
2007-04-06 15:17:58 · answer #2 · answered by Amonda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It always starts with controlling behavior, then gradually gets worse. Once he starts hitting you, it's taken a turn for the worse. Honestly, it takes a lot of time and a lot of effort to break out of the cycle of being an abuser. Also, it's really not something he can work on while he's in a relationship with someone. It might be great when he's not being a jerk, but you have to look at the whole picture. I know it's extremely hard. If you really love him, separate. Give it some time. Let him work on his issues, and you work on yours. Yes, you have issues too. Then arrange to get together in the future and see how you've both progressed. But you can't be in close contact before then. Focus on yourself right now.
2016-05-19 00:29:26 · answer #3 · answered by freeda 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are seniors in high school, high school is almost over, you have been going together for 2 years.. He wants to experience other relationships before he goes off to college. Do yourself a favor & take a little time to recover & then do the same thing. If you are really meant to be together it will happen - but you should have some other adult relationships to compare this one with - (that does not mean sexual relationships).
2007-04-06 12:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by ang_phx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he isn't going to change. He seems to feel crowded by your attention, and may think you're being too clingy. If he doesn't seem to appriciate the time you spend together, and doesn't want to see you on what seems like a frequent basis, then he's not the guy for you. You'll be better off without him, because someday you'll find someone who DOES appriciate what you have to offer.
2007-04-06 12:52:38 · answer #5 · answered by tenaciousdon1978 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. He grew away from you. He might not even be able to tell you why. He was looking for a reason for the break up for some time but couldn't bring himself to tell you. You understand that his brain is still not developed and won't be for another three or more years. Don't beat yourself up over his actions. It was nothing you did or didn't do. It's him and some sort of baggage.
2007-04-06 12:54:02 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no he will not. In about 10yrs maybe. Look at like this.. You did not have fun in the relationship and you were not allowed to be yourself. It is not alright for a guy to treat you like that and you know it. So he left you cus you were not leaving him. You do not want a guy like that he did you a favor. Let him go and control someone else. Maybe yes he will grow out of it or he will escalade and get allot worse. You can now be happy and have someone cherish you really treasure you. You know you want to be actually loved for who you are and not just cus you are who they want you to be.
2007-04-06 12:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's only because whomever the new girl was didn't want him. After he tried to start a new relationship, It went sour. So then he came running back to you. This will continue. Get away from his sorry *** quick.
2007-04-06 12:57:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen move on he is seeing some one else and he is never going to change you can bet in a few weeks there will be another move on let him go and be you and meet some one worth your time life is to short to be playing games with this guy stop calling him if he loves you he will call you and try hooking up until then move on
2007-04-06 12:53:54 · answer #9 · answered by babytiger1211 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! He was trying to make you mad so that you would break up with him. He has been ready to end it for a while. Get over it and move on.
How can he send you home? Are you a little puppy dog?
2007-04-06 12:52:08 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋