Its time to say goodbye.?

Question

It turns out that my husband and I will be terminating life support for our little baby girl of 10 months tomorrow. The doctors can not do anything more for her and she is obviously suffering and getting worse. The spark has gone out of her eyes and she is just sad all the time. Her machines keeping her alive are going up and we feel it is the right thing to do to let her go peacefully and be out of pain. I want to thank all those in the past who offered support during the forum about other children that have been taken before their time. They will always live in our hearts .

Thank you to everybody who has responded. To those who are wondering why we are not at her side every moment - i have a three year old son that I need to take care of and this has been going on for months and months now. She is at the stage where she sleeps all the time and flinches nearly every time u touch her. Plus we spent most of today organizing funeral arrangements and need the strength for tomorrow. If anyone ever needs a wonderful hospital, Children's Hospital DC is the best. The doctors and nurses are exceptional and very loving a caring.

Answer 1

I am sorry you have to endure this...and sorry for the loss of your child. I too terminated life support for my daughter(april 14th will be 9 years) She was very ill and there was nothing that could be done to save her. It is a very hard decision to make. But one that sometimes is the greatest act of love a parent can give to their child. I am sure you are going thru all kinds of emotions right now. Please feel free to contact me if you need to talk. I've been there...and I know how difficult it is.

Answer 2

Darling you and your family are in my prayers. Nothing happens that is not God's will. When he's ready to take his angel home machine or no machine he'll take her when the time is right. You must be a wonderful lady because God doesn't give his special angels to just anyone. Years ago a girl named Karen Quinlan was on life supports for years and her parents fought to have them taken off because they couldn't afford the bill. Finally when the machines were turned off she started to breathe on her own and I believe she lived several years after that. God's will be done.

Answer 3

My deepest sympathy for you and your husband as well as your entire family and friends. Letting go is never easy and when a parent looses a child the pain is almost unbearable. Just know that your precious angel will always guide and protect you and your husband from Heaven and you'll have a very special connection to Heaven.

God Bless you and your husband. I will pray for you all.

Peace, Hugs and love~~Tara

Answer 4

i don't know what to say except i'm so sorry you had to make this decision - i'm 37 now and my parents had to make the same decision in 1987 for my 8 and a half year old sister - she died a few days before my mother's 41 birthday two months before my 18th and a few months before she was to turn 9 years old - there is never a good time to make a decision like this especially for your child but please in the years to come don't ever be afraid to talk about her that's the one thing we in my family still find difficult to do all these years later - i'm sitting here typing this and crying for you and your loss at this moment also remembering my sister - i'm so sorry!!

Answer 5

As I said before I am very sorry you have to go through this. I just wanted to let you know about some online support groups that I am in that have helped me so much. www.honoredbabies.org from their website you can join their group that is through yahoo. Also myspace has some good groups too. If you are interested. I know that it helped me to be able to talk with other women who have been through it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Answer 6

I can empathize with the difficulties the two of you, as parents must have endured. And it must have taken a lot of courage to muster; to arrive at this decision to terminate life support for your beloved, dearest, and cherished little baby girl.

In the long years of my nursing career working in Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, I have seen and taken care of very critically ill babies and pts. Most of them were maintained on life support. I have been there to comfort, support, explain and answer any questions. Many a times, I have cried with them when their loved ones were dying.



Children at young age do not grapple with the ideas of pain and suffering. These concepts are beyond their comprehension because of their inexperience and innocence. The adults are the ones who are more made miserable looking at that young thing try to hang on to dear life.

However, being on a ventilator esp for several months have long deleterious effects. and complications. It's just a question of time when their tiny bodies get ravaged with the illness or the sickness.
If ever, she had survived for several years in her ailing condition , the child would have suffered.... much. You might even question if you made the right decision to keep her on life support.

Moreover, your healthy son also needed your love and attention.


It doesn't seem fair for the little ones to be afflicted. They don't deserved to be punished or tested for their love. Their existence don't have to be justified.

To understand the greater purpose of God is beyond mere mortal comprehension.
I hope you had wonderful memories of her when she was conceived and upon her birth and her presence. Treasure whatever little joy she gave you when she came into your life.


My heartfelt condolences on the loss of your precious little baby girl ! It must be very, very hard to let go. Goodbye is the saddest word to say....

I'm sure no amount of words nor action can suffice to fill that void in your life. And I'm sure right now, you're just too numb to feel anything but ..... grief. The angst of your pain must reverberate.!!!!!!!!

However, please accept my feeble and humble attempt: Be comforted that she would be in the arms of Our Lord in Heaven. . To quote the scripture according to (Mark 10:14-16):

Suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child, he shall not enter therein. And he took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them

Answer 7

I am so sorry to hear about your baby girl. My husband and I lost a baby girl back in August and I know how heart-wrentching it is and how helpless you feel when you know that there is nothing that can be done. Please take time to visit this website...www.angels4ever.com. They have a memorial wall that you can submit your baby's name to, and if you have a website set up for her you can put a link to it. We have our daughter's name on it. We also have a memory shelf set up in our living room with dried flowers from her funeral, my ultra sound video, angels, and a little cross with her name on it. Please feel free to email me through here.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear this and when you say goodbye I pray that it is swift and calmly=God Bless you both and remember there will always be a special place in your hearts for her
also that she personally will be looked after by Jesus

Answer 9

I am so sorry for your loss. While this must be an incredibly hard
decision to make, believe that it is the right one. God apparently has plans for her. I hope you recover soon, and always remember that you did everything you could for her. lots of hugs and prayers

Answer 10

you are very brave and are being the best, most loving parents to say goodbye. by saying the spark has gone out of her eyes, you know for sure in your heart's it is the best thing to do for your child. my heart goes out to you.