After way too many years of disrespectful and rude behavior by my brother in law, I finally confronted him two Christmases ago. Ever since he has tried to humiliate me in front of family members. I tried to speak with him about the fact that I have started reacting to his rude, disrespectful behavior (shutting me up at the table, etc.; mocking me, humiliating me). I said to him that we should talk about our anger at each other and that feeling angry is one thing, but acting on it is another. I stated that I don't act out to him but that I have been and will call him on his rudeness when it occurs. He is a very intellectually bright engineer, but is behaving very immaturely. I asked him if we could treat each other the way we want to be treated. He misinterprets everything I say and assumes I am insulting him when I'm not. Then he humiliates me by mocking me, humiliating me and laughing. No one ever laughs but him because it's not funny--it's emotionally abusive. Thanks.
2007-04-06 10:54:39 · 9 answers · asked by ava 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I don't care how much silk you wrap a fool in, he's still a fool. You can't change the rude, immature way your brother-in-law behaves but you can change the way you react to his ignorance. Be proud no one else thinks he's funny because he's obviously not. For some reason, he must have low self esteem and need attention even if it is negative attention. Try this: Don't make eye contact no matter what he says or does. Do not respond with words, body language or facial expression to anything he says or does. In other words, pretend he truly doesn't exist. If he's not getting the responses he wants he may not find his stupidity so entertaining.
2007-04-06 11:08:31 · answer #1 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where are your other family members while this behavior is going on, and what are they doing about it????
If your BIL is behaving in ways that are hurtful to you and nobody else in your family is standing up for you, I think you'd be justified in bailing on the family gatherings. Maybe you feel that that's somehow letting your BIL win, but you have to look out for yourself and putting yourself in the path of abuse is not looking out for yourself. If you have to leave, leave!
Reading what you've written, it almost sounds to me as if there are some underlying mental health issues here-- personality disorder type issues on your BIL's part, and maybe some trouble relating to people on your part. Which doesn't make it right for your BIL to hurt you. But I do feel I have to ask, is it possible that you have a problem interpreting humor? Have other people besides your BIL indicated to you that maybe you have a problem with humor?
If this is the case, that still doesn't give BIL the right to behave hurtfully, but it might indicate that you would benefit from counseling or therapy. Just a thought.
Anyway, it seems that you've made clear to BIL how you feel, and he isn't responding. Sometimes the best thing you can do when someone behaves in ways that are hurtful is to get away from them.
2007-04-06 11:09:59 · answer #2 · answered by Karin C 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you sink to his level and find a weakness in his character that you can attack there is no way to level the field. I wouldn't recommed that anyway. You could try simply ignoring him. Just because he is your brother in law you don't have to interact with him. If you do find yourself in a situation where you have to talk to him keep the conversation about small talk. If he interupts a conversation you are having with someone else I would say "I'm sorry, I wasn't addressing you" and pointedly turn back to the person you were talking to and apologize for the interuption. That way the person you are talking to will see his outburst as an interruption and will respond accordingly if he persists.
The question you should be asking is "does he treat your sister this way?" if so she is the one with the real problem as she can't simply ignore him.
2007-04-06 11:05:53 · answer #3 · answered by dani R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok well he is obviously and asshole, and since I have dealt with many in my life hopefully I can be a help. When he picks on you, he is searching for a reaction for you. Something that he can feed off of, it being negative or positive. Any reaction you give back to him, is fuel for his fire and he will continue. The best way to shut his *** up, is by simply ignoring him. When he talks crap, ignore it. Act like you didn't hear a thing and if you did it didn't bother you one bit. He will come to the conclusion that he can't get to you anymore and he'll move on to someone else. Hope I was a help.
2007-04-06 11:01:41 · answer #4 · answered by adnamarie 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where's your husband in all this? He doesn't stick up for you. I think he likes you and that's why he acts the way that he does. Maybe turn the tables and humiliate him. Say something like, "Is it hard being having a little penis huh?" or "I know that you're attracted to me but I'm taken...if this is how you treat a woman that you're attracted to then you'll never be in a happy relationship." I mean go at it with him and see how he likes it.
2007-04-06 13:08:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is pretty messed up. Normally I would suggest trying to talk to him, but that obviously is not working. Try talking to his significant other. Maybe if they see it, they can try talking to him about his behavior & know how to state it without offending him. Or maybe have some one else in the family stick up for you when he does this retarded behavior infront of everyone. No matter what, just remember he's making himself look alot worse than he's making you look. Just don't lower yourself to his level. Because in everyone's eyes, you look more mature than he does. He just makes himself look worse. Be the bigger person. :) I hope this helps this sticky situation.
2007-04-06 11:04:41 · answer #6 · answered by gi_jane_kicks_ass 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From now on when he humilitates you in front of everyone SPEAK UP right there and ask (in front of everyone) why he feels this need to be such an @SS to you. Bullies back down when publicly confronted. Keep it up every time he tries something.
2007-04-06 12:04:58 · answer #7 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is being a jerk to me! I think if he doesn't quit the harassment I would leave and let the other family members tell him to stop it! Then they can tell him to leave!! And call you back. Let some other family memebers confront him!
2007-04-06 11:06:31 · answer #8 · answered by beverly c 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If acting matUre does not work sink down 2 his level one of the best things is to have Ur sister tell him to back off. If she says hes just messing with u have Ur husband boyfriend or girlfriend pick on him or ur sister preferably him.
2007-04-06 11:03:41 · answer #9 · answered by alex 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you don't have to expose yourself to his company -- take care of you and don't.
maybe he needs to stop drinking?
2007-04-06 11:07:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋