How Long is Too Long to Wait?

Question

After how many years of being together should a couple get engaged. Is there a cut-off time? If you haven't been engaged after dating for a certain amount of time, is it never going to happen? I'm talking about mature people over the age of 23/24, educated, full-time jobs, etc.

Answer 1

I wouldnt wait more than 2 years for a proposal and probably about a year and a half into the relationship I would bring it up and see what he is feeling, if I didnt get a good vibe I'd start making my exit from the relationship.

Answer 2

It really just depends on the couple. Some couples prefer living together and not going the whole 9 yards. Some get ancy after the first year.

I say if both persons are truly wanting to be married, you can be engaged at any point, however, unless there are certain circumstances surrounding your not getting married sooner than later, you can push it out to a date you both would feel comfortable with.

I have a girlfriend who dated her fiance for 11 years, and they just got engaged a month or two ago. I was dating my fiance for 3 years and then he proposed, however our engagement (by the time we get married ) would be just shy of 2 years.
(or 5 years total)

Here is my opinion though- if marriage has not been brought up within the first year or two, there is a slim chance that it may never be so if that is the person who you want to be with, then the subject should be brought to the table to see where your future is headed.

Answer 3

I told my fiancee I wouldn't wait more than a year to get engaged. I know that seems fast but I felt like if you didn't know by a year, another two or three won't make a difference. He proposed by month ten. We're getting married in a week.

I think it's totally alright to have a cutoff date...maybe a year is way too soon for you, everyone is different. However, you shouldn't have to put your life on hold for a long time waiting on him. If you're ready and he's not, tell him. Some people say not to put pressure on the guy and while I think you shouldn't nag him or hint about it, I think it's totally appropriate to tell him where you're coming from.

You do have to be prepared for him to tell you that he isn't ready and you will have to live up to your word. The fact is that most men (not all, but most) are comfortable with what they have and don't feel it necessary to change that unless they have to. Express your needs and if he doesn't listen, at least you know what you're dealing with.

If you decide to wait until he's finally ready, just be prepared that the day may not ever come. I've had four close friends wait for their boyfriends to want to get married from 5-7 years only to have them break up and find someone else. I think about 5-7 years and that is a long time to wait for nothing.

Of course, if you're fine with waiting and so is he, don't rush it.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I was dating my FI for 8 years before we got engaged and we will be engaged for a total of 2 years before the wedding actually happens. Mind you, I started dating him in high school and after his undergrad he went to med school. But we knew since about the time we were 20 that we'd eventually be getting married. We just decided to wait, save money for a house, a nice wedding and all of our expenses before we did anything life changing. Maybe he is just waiting to save up some money for a ring? If he has had the full time job for well over a year, then talk to him, but otherwise, wait it out a little bit, he might just be making sure he is stable (finance -wise) to take on a wife (and the cost of a wedding). There is no cut off time though.

Answer 5

My sister lived with her current husband for 9 years, then they eloped! (Go figure.)

I was with my wife for 3 months, 2 days before I asked her to marry me.

Everyone has their own timeframe for engagement and marriage. What is yours? does it match your lover's/fiance's? Have you discussed it?

Here are some things to consider BEFORE you get engaged:

o What type of relationship do you want to have, and does the other person wnat the same type of relationship? Make sure that you both want the same type of relationship, because that's the container that you both will live in. Keep in mind that the relationship is what's important, and that you two make up the relationship. If the relationship sours (on either side), it affects the other person.

o Do your life goals match? In other words, do both of you want the same things out of life (lifestyle, where you want to live, similar social status, similar outlook on life, etc.)

o Do you have the same spiritual values? That is, are you both non-religious/religious? Are you both spiritual (religion and spirituality have nothing to do with each other--that's not to say religious people can't be spiritual)?

o Does the other person match wnat you want in a life-time partner/lover/friend/spouse? List the things that you admire adn desire in a significant other, and if the other person matches 75% or more you've got a good shot at growing together as you grow older.

Once you determine this, then you can decide if the other person is the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life happily ever after.

Enjoy the process!

Answer 6

I don't think I would wait more than 5 years. I think after 2 or 3 years you should know. But I would wait at least 1 year to 1 1/2 years before getting engaged...anytime before that is TOO soon.

Answer 7

Minimum dating is around 18 mos, then usually engaged a year.
I would say if you are dating three years with no commitment forthcoming, that's about enough. By the way, living with the guy seriously changes all of this.

Answer 8

There is no set time period. But usually it occurs within a couple of years. Sometimes in older couples they postpone marriage for a variety of reasons , and especially if there are semi-grown children involved, that don't look too favorably upon the union.

Apparently you're getting impatient? Then it's time to sit the ol' boy down & ask him what his intentions are? Maybe he's gotten lazy & complacent; is satisfied with the status quo. He has everything just the way he wants it. And I hate to say this but maybe you've made it a bit too easy for him, so why should he get married?

Answer 9

I know people who have NEVER married but have been together for over twenty years simply because they didn't need a piece of paper between them to make it "legal".

It's a personal choice and there is no correct answer.

Answer 10

There isn't exactly a precise cutoff date, however, don't waste your life waiting for something that may never happen. Talk to your partner. Be open and loving. Don't give an ultimatum, just explain your feelings. Best of wishes!!!