how do i get over my nephew's death?

Question

it's been 4 years since my beloved nephew died in a car accident.i think of him all the time and not a day goes by that i don't cry for him.i was in therapy almost a year which was a waste my psychologist did not help me.i have been on almost every anti depressant known they don't work.now i keep thinking he may have crashed on purpose i think he was depressed but i am not sure.his best friend also died with him.

Answer 1

Okay, this will be the third time in half an hour where I recommend this, but here goes.

What works for me is music. The song How To Save A Life by The Fray, might make you cry the first several times you hear it (and now that I think about it, if you listen to music at all, you probably know what it is), but I think it might be able to really help you. Remember that you're not alone in your sadness.

Answer 2

First let me just say how sorry i am to hear your going through this. There is nothing wrong with still grieving your nephew. In answer to your question, there's no way to totally get over the death of a loved one, but with time and patience you can break through this phase of the bereavement and put something positive back into your own life.

My suggestion is that you still feel you've issues that are unresolved about his death. When you feel ready, sit quietly on your own with a candle and a pen and paper and write him a letter saying everything you didn't get a chance to. Write this as though you are still in contact and tell him everything that's been happening recently as well. Don't hold back anything your feeling. You'll find this upsets you a little and that's OK. Do this as often as you feel, like when things are starting to get on top of you. You'll find fond memories flooding back or maybe a funny moment you shared might come to mind. Write these to him to. Keep the letters for as long as you want to but put them away until you need them.

Keep one photo around the house, pick your favourite, one that reflects him at his best. Put every other photo somewhere safe and look through his things only when you think you'd feel better doing so.

Your nephew wouldn't want you to be feeling so down in life.

Answer 3

You've cried everyday for 4 years? Why? Yes, it's sad and a terrible waste, but you've taken it too far. Even if it had been suicide, your grief is out of proportion. My sister died suddenly 3 years ago. I cried on and off for the first 3 days. Then the pain slowly started to subside. I can still get choked up and miss her, but if I were crying everyday, my family would have me committed. Because something would be terribly wrong with me. Therapy DOES work.....if you want to stop feeling this way..and I have a feeling....you don't. It's become your life, this constant grieving for your nephew. I don't know if you think that not crying everyday would mean he's forgotten? But you need help. Professional help. You've turned grief over him into feeling sorry for yourself.

Get off the cross, we need the wood.

Answer 4

This may be harsh but GET A LIFE. Fill the void, create happiness were sadness now fills. We know it is hard but it has been four years. Depression is going to kill you. You must change or die. This is not something a little pill can fix, stop searching for that answer, it doesn't exist. Start a hobby and exercise and eat right and spend time with family and make a new friend and get out. MOVE IT !!!!

Answer 5

As harsh as it sounds for a counselor to say, I say this: You really are loving this role. Your therapists could not help you, since you really have decided to make this your life's great trajedy. It's been long enough. Get on with your life. Find outside interests and people who are alive and NEED attention from you. The death hurt you. O.K., you've been sad long enough. It's time you made room for the living. Seriously, I know a woman who spoke to me as if her husband had JUST died, and she was the totally depressed wife. Then, I found our her 1st husband had died over 20 years before that date, and she has a new husband! She WANTED TO be the living, grieving widow for the 1st husband, for the rest of her life! She had CHOSEN that role for herself. Is THIS where you want to be in 20 years? Well, you can do it...........it's been done before. On the other hand, if you want a life of your own, take a jaunty walk, change your hairstyle, put on pretty clothes, smile, and make yourself useful. No one likes a '
Downer Person forever. Make a new life. (notice, I didn't say find one, or get one. I said to MAKE a new life!). People do not find themselves People create themselves. Now, go! Create!

Answer 6

Do things in his memory. My husband and I lost a baby girl back in August and we have a memory shelf set up with pictures, angels, my video of my ultra sounds, dried flowers from her funeral, etc. Also, sometime this Spring we are going to plan a memorial garden in our yard with a plaque with her name and the day she was born/died (She only lived for 20 minutes). Get a collection of things that he was into to display on the shelf. Looking at my daughter's picture everyday really helps me cope with what happened. You don't ever comepletely get over losing someone that you love, but the pain will ease after a while. Also, when my son is old enough (She was born the day after his 2nd b-day) we are going to have him plant a tree in her memory.

Answer 7

you need to be in a support group. many people deal with death in different ways. dont continue to be sad about him. he is with his friend who can watch over him. hes not alone and he's looking over your and with you every day. taking anti depressants is addicting and not good. its just makes u feel good while your on them. I have been through many deaths throughout my life and I dont think I have greived for someone that long. You have every right to think about hima nd cry but you need to be around other people who can show you that life does go on. that they deal with death and they can be strong. keep your head up. your nephwe is in gods hands and you shoudl be thanksful that hes ok up there. dont be sad, do somethign positive to remeber him by such as starting a scholarship or a program dedicated to his memory. life goes on , it just takes time.

Answer 8

why dont you start a memorial for him. it could be something small like a garden or something big like collecting $ for a college fund for high school kids. you could also keep in close contact with his mother and or father. you need to keep in mind that i am sure that he would not want you doing what you are doing with the tears and depression. try to think about living life for the both of you. keep him close to your heart and in your mind and try to keep his memory alive thru you. sorry for your loss. i hope that you can recover from this.