Help! I absolutely loathe my future daughter-in-law. She's immature, manipulates my son, she's selfish, spiteful, hot-tempered and is jealous of me.. My son is an adult (22yrs) lives independantly and has been with this awful woman for almost 5 years. Her negitive influence on him has caused his self respect to deteriorate so badly that he clings to her out of fear that she may be unfaithful to him again. . She comes from a trashy family that's exposed her to drug use, crime and such low standards that they wouldn't recognize dignity if it walked up and slapped them in the faces! I don't want to interfere in a way that could jeopardize the bond I have with my son any more than she has already damaged it but, bit by bit, she is chizzeling away every ounce of good charactor that I've instilled into him. I can't tolerate the sight of her anymore. My son recently bought her an engagement ring. I'm devistated! What's a mom to do? No, he's not my youngest., oldest or only son.
2007-04-06 05:24:26 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
honestly... love makes people dumb... for some reason people end up doing the most stupidest things when they "think they are in love" i dont think ur son really loves her, because he doesnt trust her -according to what u said-, and if u can't trust the person u r with, i dont think that's love... however, people won't listen to any reasons when it comes to the person "they love".... i think that the best thing u could do, is really support ur child, stand by him at all times, and don't question his decisions... it is his life, and he is happy with her regardless everything... if u keep on insisting that she's not the girl for him, honestly, he will just close his ears and not listen to a word u say... let him live his life the best he can, and be there to support him as his mother, his friend, his mentor, his partner.... dont try to question his decisions, because whether they are wrong or right, that's really ultimately what he really wants, and that really makes him happy.... he will eventually find out his girlfriend is not the one for him, even if it's after their wedding... but u ahve divorces now... if in the long run he's not happy with her, then he will break up the realtionship... and the one who will be there for him will be u... when that happens, dont go up to him "i told u so" but try to support him, and give him all the love u can give him and be his mother, because u will always be his mother....
i may suggest u to think really well about all the reasons why they shouldn't be together, tell him one more and last time -make sure he knows this is the last time u will tell him, and if that s his final decision, make sure to let him know that regardless u will support him-, tell him one last time why they shouldnt be together and tell him to try to hold a lil bit off the wedding, because u dont want him to make a big mistake, which he might regret until he s really sure that she's the girl for him..
but a good idea, which sometimes work... u should sign up for parental control... that's an MTV show that parents set their kids up with new dates, and they pick 2 dates for their child out of a bunch, and after his dates, he would choose whether to stay with one of their parent's choice, or stay with his girlfriend.. sometimes they kick their girlfriends to the curve.... it might work...
i really hope that ur son notices that she's not the girl for him... but regardless... respect his decision, its his life, and ur his mother... u brought him to this world so he would try to be happy... and he thinks he might be happy with her, and who knows.. she might change after marriage... good luck.
2007-04-06 05:45:12 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She can't. All mom can do is hope the girl will realize she's out of her league, doesn't fit in, and should stop trying to social climb. Whether anyone likes the idea or not, there are huge differences between the social classes in America. People behave completely differently at each level. Anyone who tries to navigate a higher level than they were born to, will always make themselves look foolish.
2015-06-20 11:09:33 · answer #2 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
John, you need to develop some morals and feel some sort of compassion! You put this question out as if it's perfectly normal for men to go after their girl's mother! Well it's not! If you want to be with anybody, you better get out of that relationship quick! I don't either one will ever trust you since you seem to have no self control whatsoever! You're in a sticky situation and you better becareful that bees don't sting you for that forbidden honey!
2016-05-18 21:26:45 · answer #3 · answered by kassandra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what you can do. Love is blind, and sometimes really really stupid.
If she is really that bad an influence, the his friends must have noticed as well. Maybe try to talk to them and see if you can come up with something.
All I can suggest is try to talk to your son calmly about the changes in his personality. And talk calmly. Don't start calling her names, or making accusations. That will just get him on the defensive.
If you can't change his mind, don't let your hatred of her drive you away from your son. Just pretend to her that you're okay. Don't lie about it to your son, just don't give her any ammunition.
2007-04-06 05:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by rohak1212 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you are fighting a loosing battle, if your son is as upscale as you say then in time he will realize that his "low-life" woman was not the one. In the meantime I suggest that you leave him alone and let him be a man and make up his own mind. Too much interference from you will be a disaster and it will not work to your favor. Good Luck!!!
2007-04-06 05:30:07 · answer #5 · answered by carrie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
By the way you relate the case it sounds difficult to get rid of that lady from your son. They seem to be so much attached to one another and that they do love each other. Of-course we do wish well our son but what if she is the choice of your son? Would you like to talk with him heart to heart. Explain to him the pros and the cons if he marries this present woman. After all you explanation - and he still wants her, then let them be. Who knows she might change after their marriage. People can change from bad to better and from worst to the best. One factor or ingredient that can change a person is Love. It does marvellous things!
2007-04-06 05:43:51 · answer #6 · answered by Binnus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, Mom, you certainly have some strong opinions on your Son's fiance. That comes through loud and clear.
It's also none of your business and your adult son will stand or fall based upon his own decisions.
If you interefere, you will almost certainly drive him away which, it seems, is what you're afraid of.
Also - and I don't want to go Dr. Phil on you - but judging by the strong wording in your question, I feel like there are probably two sides to this issue that we here at Yahoo! Questions ain't seeing.
You don't limit your comments to the daughter-in-law but extend them to her entire family and throw around lofty terms such as "low standards", "dignity" et. al which smacks of one-sided elitisim. To put it bluntly, you sound like a control freak who is having problems letting her little boy go. Have you stopped to consider that maybe you're the jealous one?
Just a possibility.
2007-04-06 05:32:55 · answer #7 · answered by mantoothnation 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He has been in this relationship for 5 years? Why did you not try to do something when he was only 17 years old instead of now? It is too late for you to try to break them up without causing damage to you and your son's relationship. He will be the only one who will be able to finally break it off with her when he tires of the B.S. Since he has bought her a ring, you can do nothing but say congratulations or it will damage any chance that you have to stay close to him.
2007-04-06 05:31:11 · answer #8 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you could try just about everything and I know that moms are always trying to save us from the bad stuff and heartache but unfortunally we daughters or sons need to find out on our own and be ready to be there for them. There's nothing you could do only not to push the issue so much cause you'll be the bad guy in his eyes and hopefully when his mistake shows he learns from it. Good luck.
2007-04-06 05:28:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes its hard for a women to see her son in this situation, I think mostly its because you are a woman and you know how women think... and most people in general manipulate... your son 9 out of 10 sees what shes doing just allows her to do it... So all you can do is wait it out... or tell the little ***** yourself how you see things and whats got to change... your son will get over things if he gets mad your his mom...
2007-04-06 05:32:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋