my husband said this to me, what should i do?

Question

okay, me and my hubby have been going to marriage counsling for 2 months now, and these past two days i could tell he was tense so i have let him be, but then last night about 10 he hadnt came to bed yet for the second night in a row, so i came down stairs and he said he was going to take a shower and come to bed, well i said u know what with it bein so late why dont u just sleep down stairs, i didnt think he would actually do it. so i started taking to him, and like i said we have been having trouble, well a few days ago i had mentioned maybe doing a trial seperation, but i didnt meen it, i was just talking to see what he would say. well, he never did say anything well then all of the suden last night, he said i thought u wanted to do a trial seperation. and i said where did tha come from? and he said well u r the one who said it, and i told him that i was just talking and didnt meen it, and he told me that he thought it would be a good idea. i was shocked,

well, to make a long story short he never did come to bed and he told me that he does want me to leave for a couple of months, and he also told me that he has love for me, but is not in love with me. i need advice on what i should do, or what u would do if u were in this same situation.

Answer 1

uhh no offense, but don't say things you don't mean to guys just to test them. open communication always works best. guys don't like those types of games. continue with the counseling and don't "test" him, just talk to him.

Answer 2

To be completely honest with you...you should leave and leave now before it only hurts worse than it already does. There is a huge difference between loving someone and being in love and you want to be with someone who not only loves you but is in love with you if anything is ever going to work. People go through this everyday and it is by far not an easy thing or an easy process to go through. It is going to hurt very deeply and very badly for a long time but it is better to end things now then drag them out even longer so the pain is worse. I say do the seperation for a few months and see what happens, continue with the counseling and maybe you should see a therapist on your own as well to deal with the grief and loss of what he has said to you. All things heal in time and some just take longer. Good luck to you and no matter what...put yourself first here, look out for number one because apparently your husband was.

Answer 3

The golden rule in relationships; say what you mean and mean what you say.
It sounds as if the two of you are living seperately but together already.
If there is no abuse or infidelity and you love each other, there is a possibility that you are both not being as attentive as when you
first got together. A lot of relationships fall into that ditch. Try doing those things that you did when you did first get together.
It doesn't guarantee anything but it may be a place to start.

Answer 4

If I were you, I would go with the seperation. The time apart might give you guys a chance to think about things and what you want and don't want. I know that sounds terrible, but here's something else to think about. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I've also learned that a guy will call your bluff each time no matter what it is. Even though you didn't mean anything about the seperation, he obviously did and is going with it. If it's not meant to be, it won't be.

Answer 5

It sounds like someone else is in the picture. Find out if there is anyone else. Check cell phone records, phone records, check book, credit card statements, and look for consistency. He maybe trying to leave you. My advice, don't let him know you want to be apart from him even if you do. Love him and love him hard. If he decides to leave then it won't be because of you. Try to stay blameless. Don't let the separation be your fault, because you will never forgive yourself. If you love him and he loves you then the last thing you want to do is separate, it will be harder if y'all decided to get back together. Don't, Don't, Don't give Up.

Answer 6

A trial seperation sounds like a good idea. I went though this last year. Try reading the book, "should I stay or should I go". I'm not sure who the auther is . Good luck

Answer 7

It has been my experience that when a man says something, he means it. How ever separation is dangerous for a relationship. I find that when I have separated it doesn't work a second time. So I just leave all together. This is what hes bucking for. If you separate your bound for a divorce. As separation leads to cheating! I don't forgive cheating even if we are separated.

Answer 8

You r a lucky lady... He had the guts to tell you in person & didn't string you along 4 years like mine did me.... You need to get out now while you r still friends . Respect him for being honest .. This will save your heart in the end. He wouldn't say that if he did'nt mean it!!! Don't play those horrible games that rip your heart out , when you love someone>>>>> Watch what u say & how you say it.... This has been coming on LISTEN TO HIM.... Move on now while you r still friends!!!

Answer 9

Typical, you say all these things but "don't mean them, it has to be him who rationalizes everything, you get to just sit back and stir up the hornets nest right? I can't stand women like you who feel the need to play little games instead of just saying what is really on your mind. "I said but didn't mean", whatever, that is the biggest problem go ask your counselor I bet he'll agree. Try saying what YOU MEAN.

Answer 10

then leave. why would you stay with someone that doesnt love you like he used to. he may be cheating on you and you dont know. if you love him, then do whatever, but if you feel that its just a waste of time trying to fix something that cant be replaced,
then i would just leave. maybe you two were never meant to be.