HELP! Father vs. Husband problem?

Question

*sigh* This has been an ongoing problem since my husband and I started dating, and I am at such a loss as to what to do that I'm asking ya'll. My dad has never liked my husband, and we are not sure why he never warmed up to him. He didn't come to our wedding, doesn't express any interest in my husband whatsoever (he asks how the dog is, but not how my husband is). I agreed with my husband, that since my dad was being so rude to him, that I would pretty much cut off contact w/ dad to send him a message. last month my husband told me not to tell my dad that we bought a house. i forgot and told him in an email anyway. he said 'that's great' and that's about it. my husband was furious with me when he found out, and now he says i need to cut off contact with my uncaring dad completely, and explain to him why. i don't know how to explain why. i just don't want to talk to him ever again. i'm tired of him not approving of my life and husband. what do i write as a final goodbye?

Answer 1

How expressive was your dad before you got married? Was he really a jovial friendly guy? Some people are just not very expressive. I think you should talk to him about it before you give up entirely. He's your dad. Maybe there is a good reason why he doesn't like your husband. Dads typically want wants best for their daughters, and it could be pretty valid if your husband really isn't good enough for you, or if he hits you or is prone to violent outbursts, even if they don't turn physical. It really would be better if they could reach a compromise. Take them both out to lunch for one last try, and tell them that they are tearing you apart.

Answer 2

I did the same thing with my dad . I didn't talk to him for 3 1/2 years . It was a bad mistake . I can never make up the time that I missed or the pain that I caused him . If I could go back I would have never have done it , it was also for my husband . Who I am currently in the middle of a divorce with . My advice would be to think real hard before you cut off contact

Answer 3

Your father is your father for life like it or not try if you can put yourself in his place .A boy comes along starts dating your daughter you no your daughter can do much better then that. The father doesn't approve but she doesn't care what her father thinks of the boyfriend now the boyfriend finds this to be a challenge so the boyfriend does little things that will eat at the father.The daughter will never no this because the boyfriend is being very sneaky about it.He knows the dad doesn't like him so he is going to do everything in his power to provoke the dad, it is a power struggle to see who is going to get the daughter.I'm telling you this to let you no your husband is just as guilty as your father and you should stay out of it and let them deal with it ,don't you want to no why your husband got so mad when you told your father about the house.it took a little power away from your husband. It's your husband that is trying to turn you against your own father and when he does this he wins.Open your eyes and see what the real reasons are,it's man against man.If you brake off all ties with your dad and he dies you will be so sorry for doing this to your father.remember this, your husband can up and leave you at any time but your dad will always be your dad the one that was there for you, so really think before you do something I think you will be sorry for.It's a sad day when your own kids turn on you,your kids you gave life to and took care of.My son is 26 and if he ever turned his back on me just because I didn't like his choice in what wife he picked that would brake my heart in two,I'd be no more good.He is part of me and I him.Could you tell your husband to cut all ties from his family and would he do that for you,maybe you should ask him that before you do anything.He is being very childish about this,so what the dad don't like him whats the big deal anyway.Remember he who holds the power gets the gold.

Answer 4

As a final goodbye, I think you should tell him how he's made both you and you're husband feel. Tell him how much he truly hurt you. Make sure he understands why you have to cut him out of your life. Be agressive, but don't make it so agressive that it makes you look like a bad person. And don't let him tell you that you are making a mistake. If anything he's the one that has made the mistake and in actuality he cut himself out of your life. Who knows maybe after talkimg to your dad to get his side of the story things will workout and you won't have to cut him completel;y out of your life. After all he is your father.

-Good Luck

Answer 5

First of all, your husband had no right to ask this of you. After all, the man is your father.
He has put you in an unfair position.
If your father really doesn't care about you or your husband, then just quit sending him emails. You don't have to say anything. He'll get the message.

Answer 6

I would have to sit down with him and find out what he's beef is. There has to be an underlying problem here. You are talking about having no contact with him so what have you got to lose in asking him why he is acting this way. You owe it to yourself because it will haunt you if you dont find out and do you think your marriage will be happy then. Ask why?

Answer 7

Write him a letter saying that now you have bought a house and your FAMILY need some money to buy a privat jet, if he can borrow some, I am sure you will never hear from him again.

Answer 8

Dont cut off all communication.First find out why he is so against your husband..Perhaps he is jealous. At leat try and spend some time with him to work through your problems.

Answer 9

I wouldnt cut off complete communication. I would tell my dad that unless he is to treat my hubby with the respect he deserves, that I will not spend time with or contact him. This leaves the door open to your dad to get in touch with you KNOWING that if he does get in touch..he has grown up and will act accordingly.

Answer 10

first of all your husband is not at all justified in asking you to do a thing like this.
he is your FATHER.
he is the reason you are in this world!
he is the one who hugged you when you were born!
he is the one who thought you to take your first step!
he is the one who educated you , fed you, clothed you!
he is the one who protected you from the dangers you could never have fended for ur self!
if he does not approve of your husband did you ever ask him why?
how wil your husband feel if the tables were turned and you asked him to cut off his father?
did your husband even once try to be nice to your father?
NOW WHEN YOUR FATHER IS OLD AND FRAGILE INSTEAD OF SUPPORTING HIM YOU WANT TO CUT OFF TIES! very very selfish.
JUST BECAUSE YOUR HUSBAND'S EGO IS NOT SATISFIED.
ARE YOU SO DEPENDENT ON YOUR HUSBAND , SO CONTROLLED THAT YOU CANNOT EVEN SHARE A SIMPLE THING IN YOUR LIFE WITH YOUR FATHER? what sort of realtionship is it?
BY CONCEDING TO YOUR HUSBANDS UNFAIR DEMAND YOU ARE JUST EMBOLDENING HIM. makin gur self defenceless.
you should tell your husband firmly instead that you would maintain communiaction with your father and wud try to improve things.
if not you would take care that your husband does not suffer any insults at the hands of your father.BUT YOU WILL NOT CUT OFF TIES WITH YOUR FATHER!
AND REALLY I THOUGHT WESTERN WOMEN WERE VERY FREE ,STRONG, LIBERATED AND INDEPENDENT.
BUT YOU PROVE ME WRONG .
YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOO CONTROLLED.