My daughter just turned 15 and I know that in 3 years she can do whatever she pleases. I still see her as a little girl. I am so worried. How do I deal with this? It seems that they will be with me forever because they are with for so long.
2007-04-05 22:21:12 · 14 answers · asked by uuummk 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
A wise man once wrote that we do not own our children, we just borrow them from their own lives until they are ready to go out into the world. Another said that we are the bows from which our children as living arrows fly.
Don;t worry - you sound like you two have a loving relationship, that will never change - and no matter what happens, she will always love you and be a huge part of your life
Take care, and enjoy watching her make her own way through life
Jx
2007-04-06 01:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by kirroyale3 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What do you mean, "let go"? Actually, turning 18 is only another of many steps to adulthood. Yes, at age 18 your kids are LEGALLY responsible for their own actions. You should rejoice in that. It means less liability to you if your child makes a bad choice and gets sued or arrested. (Hopefully she won't!) But to say that when she turns 18, "she can do whatever she pleases"... that I ridiculous! That implies that she can make any choice she wants without concern for the outcome. But you should be stressing to her that when she turns 18 she will only be assuming FULL RESPONSIBILITY for her actions and choices. Turning 18 doesn't give her more freedom, since she could have always chosen to do unwise and harmful things. She will just have to stand up as a young adult and take her "licks" on her own from now on.
Don't look at age 18 or age 21 or any age as the time to take a "hands off" policy toward your daughter. Hopefully, your girl will be looking to you for wisdom, guidance, help. and unconditional love for the rest of her life. That should never stop. But, as time goes by, you will gradually do more and more standing back and watching as she chooses the way she will run her own life. She will make mistakes and you will be available when she calls. She will have great successes and you will be there to rejoice with her. She may even get discouraged and need you to lift her up. Hopefully, you will be there for her.
No, I don't think you ever have to really "let go". You just take a more passive role as the years go by. That's how I look at it.
2007-04-06 05:53:28 · answer #2 · answered by sunny 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is sooo sweet ! There is really NO answer I am afraid ! My daughter is 11 and I feel the same way ! She knows the truth about Santa and the Easter Bunny , and has for a long time , so I just asked her tonight if it was ok if I still put stuff in her Easter baskets , but DIDN'T hide plastic eggs this year , she said it was fine , but then I felt sad , that she was so "ok" with it , and couldn't care less ! I think I will hide them anyway , just for my own benefit . She is my only child ! I know it is hard , but it is life ! You sound like a very loving mom !
2007-04-06 05:39:19 · answer #3 · answered by K.Heat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
um I'm the oldest of 7, 6 are my fathers. My dad raised me all my life but he had to raise us alone from the time I was 13. My mother left him for someone else. The year I graduated highschool I was 18 about to turn 19 and in the fall I was leaving for a youth program called Katimavik totally by choice . My father did not want me to go but we talked about everything, the places I would go the friends that I would make and how I may just find the place where I want to live one day. 71/2 months later (program is 9 months now) I returned home. My dad let me live at home and I worked and helped with my siblings until just before my 21st birthday. I moved out and I now live in northern ontario with my now fiancee. my family lives in Southern ontario. I am 25, about to have my first child I'm due in 6 weeks. My family lives pretty far away and the best advice I can give you is to talk to your daughter now, have a great relationship with her. Ask her what kind of things she might want to do after high school.
Check out www.Katimavik.org if your canadian. You could look at that as a trial for her being away from home. It's really a great program and you get to travel and see canada for free. Plus you get to do volunteer work in various fields as career options. Ages to participate is 17-21. Plus they pay for housing, food and give a weekly allowance as well.
Well bless your heart
I hope this helps
2007-04-06 06:45:19 · answer #4 · answered by party_baby_81 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, your daughter is still a little girl, but things might change when she reaches 18. You'll probably start looking at her less like a child and more like a grown up when she turns 16, and you'll treat her as a grown up on 17, and you'll see her as a totall grown up lady on 18... She has a whole phase that will simply change her from a child to an adult...
One more thing, even if your daugheter was an adult, she won't be fully adult at 18, it's juat that laws in many countries gives them the rights to act like adults... You can still support her till about she is 21!
2007-04-06 08:28:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The worry of being a parent. You just seem to get over one hurdle and another one sneaks up behind you, there is no point worrying yourself about what is going to happen. If you have been the best parent you can be you will have given them the resources to go out into the world when they are ready. Be proud of them and yourself.
Be there for them when they need some advice and enjoy being with them as adults believe me it will be another great journey.
Good luck
2007-04-06 10:41:19 · answer #6 · answered by Goosemoon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ok. In three yrs. she can't do whatever she pleases...if she is living in your home and you are flipping the bill. You need to treat her with more respect and work on your communicate with her. At this stage, you want her to confide in you with everything. That's what moms do. Daughters always come back to their mothers even grown up. You'll love the relationship when she is grown too. Teach her well.
2007-04-06 07:34:29 · answer #7 · answered by noitall 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i moved out at 17 my mom cryed alot durring the first 6 months i would get calls from my dad telling me to call her so she would feel better. Its always gonna be hard i cant even let my daughter leave my sight for longer then an hour without freaking out though shes only 1 i will not even let someone baby sit her. I just cant do it. Just know you will alway be mommy and when she needs money she will always come back to you lol. just trust you brought her up right and leave it in gods hands if you believe in him that is.
2007-04-06 12:09:17 · answer #8 · answered by hottmama 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
one step at a time. give her opportunities to earn trust. teach her to respect and cherish herself. (which, i'm sure you've already done!)
don't assume anything. it's okay to ask and it's okay to tell. talk to her about risky behavior and how to stay safe. remember you got the job (as mom) because you were born first. she can't take your job, but one day, when she's old enough she can get her own job. pass to her your confidence in her, hold back on passing the anxiety. she'll thank you for that and give that to your grandchildren!
it would be easier if there were a 100% accurate manual on raising kids, wouldn't it? start meditating and maybe take up yoga. maybe even a take a class or join a group/hobby activity with other women who have teens. it helps!
2007-04-06 05:41:32 · answer #9 · answered by ... 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
im the same hun,you just have to let her go out make her own decisions and when she makes mistakes just be there for her when needed,as she will make plenty as she's learning to cope with the big bad world out there
i still have mine at home and im quite happy with that, she is expecting her first baby but shes 20 not a young un
just remember your always going to be her mum and worry its part of our job
2007-04-06 08:04:43 · answer #10 · answered by ♥♥™Tia™♥♥ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋