I'm a liberal parent(which means I'm not like "Noo,you have to grow up in an incubator until you're 21!!!).I'd like to just have other parents' opinions.My oldest daughter is 15 and she usually goes out with a company of men(all of them over 20 years old) - they train taekwon-do together and after the work-out they usually go to a cafe where they drink beer or vodka.My daughter also drinks beer sometimes but it's not a problem for her to ask for a coke if she wants.They all assume her as a friend and I don't want to hear some answers like "Get eady to be a grandma" because my daughter has a brain in her head and knows what she does.So ym question is just - what's wrong and why are so many parents against friendship between younger and older people,girls and boys?
I mean a friendship like in school but that's just a bit different and noone aims to have sex with anyone.
2007-04-05 21:19:11 · 11 answers · asked by Jaylynn 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Society is prejudice against everyone. Everything that differs from their main portrait of the perfect citizen is painted with a dark brush. It's very sad.
I'm surprised at how many people truly care about underage drinking laws and whatnot. Who the hell cares if it's against the law? I could not care less if someone breaks a law that was designed to protect them from themselves because as a human I believe we all have a certain right, and that is to make our own decisions without negative consequences from some outside government, unless said choice harms someone else in the process that is.
In this case, it's not. I believe that freedom is well worth any risk and I would not hesitate to give it to my children.
2007-04-05 22:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
If by liberal you mean your daughter can make all her own decisions at 15 then I don't suppose the answers here will please you. As Mandy S said in her post there's no way that teenagers tell their parents everything. It would be a very odd teenager indeed who'd blurt out everything to her mother. This is the age when they need to have their secrets, but hopefully most of those secrets are of the 'I fancy Jason, glad he sits near me in school' kind of thing. NOT 'My mom knows I go drinking illegally with my older friends, but she'd have a fit if she knew I was sleeping with Mark' kind. The point is, liberal parent, WOULD you have a fit or would you think 'Oh well, gotta do it some time, I suppose?'
You can be liberal about all kinds of thing but your daughter's health and safety are your responsibility, whether you like it or not. As is her knowledge of the law of the land. Or maybe you think in a liberal world there shouldn't be laws about alcohol? Or other drugs? You need seriously to rethink your ideas of what being a parent is all about and this should include some honest thinking about these 'harmless' older friends who have already led to your daughter breaking the law.
2007-04-05 23:57:11 · answer #2 · answered by Gisela M 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is it legal for 15 year old children to drink alcohol? Please also keep in mind it is not uncommon for people who sexually abuse children (and your daughter is a child) to spend sometimes years "grooming" a child for abuse while earning the trust of the family. Were you aware that the statistics for young females ages 17-23 admitting to being raped is 33% and most of them by someone they knew and trusted? Alcohol or drug usage increases the risk.
You may think you're being progressive, but you are putting your daughter in at risk situations. Already if they are giving her alcohol they are committing a crime. Consider too that 16 in most states is no longer statuatory rape.
If you don't believe there is anything wrong with your behavior, go tell her school counselor you're allowing this or your minister, or call your local Department of Family and Children Services and see what advice you get there.
Your daughter's well-being is more important than you being a "cool" parent. You're teaching her a behavior pattern that's a disaster in the making. "Get ready to be a Grandma" could be one of the least of your concerns.
Your post is so outlandish, I suspect you must be a troller looking for responses. If you are "for real" then you are asking here because YOU yourself have a question about the situation that YOU'RE NOT comfortable with or you wouldn't have asked. Or worse yet, you ENJOY the attention your inappropriate behavior as a parent is bringing by dangling your child's innocence over risky and illegal behavior. Surely, YOU'RE not claiming to be so naive you didn't realize????
So which one is it, Mom?
Because if having your daughter interact with adults was your goal, then you've got the wrong group. You made a mistake. Fix it now. Tell your daughter you made a mistake and put her in another program. And this time, set and enforce the appropriate limits. (Watch too to see if any of those men come "to visit" her at the new dojo.) She'll may hate you for it now, but she'll thank you for it later.
2007-04-05 21:48:55 · answer #3 · answered by ... 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Okay, I'm not saying you shouldn't trust your daughter and her older guy friends, but there are two things you should keep in mind. Teenagers do not share everything with their parents. At some point, your daughter will hide something in her life from you. If she doesn't, you've raised the miracle child.
Also, the reason people have a problem with older men being big friends with 15-year-old girls is because the vast majority of those friendships lead to inappropriate behavior.
Once again, I want to reiterate, I'm not saying your daughter is definately lying to you, or that she's definately sleeping with an older guy. She could very well be everything you believe her to be. I'm just pointing out that, thanks to statistics, it's possible there's more going on than you think.
2007-04-05 21:36:53 · answer #4 · answered by CrazyChick 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How do you know they don't aim to have sex with your daughter? Obviously, you're asking this question because you're scared. Your insticts are telling you, correctly, that this is a dangerous situation for your daughter. You are not her friend YOU (and not only the brain in her head) are supposed to protect her. You are more concerned with how "liberal" you are than how safe your daughter is. Just because your daughter's enjoying the attention of older men doesn't mean its a good idea. You should be especially leary of grown men mixing alcohol and testosterone-laden sports and then taking your daughter out. Okay, I'll lay it on the line...just because she "has a brain in her head" doesn't mean she can save herself from being raped by drunken men trained in martial arts! You need to step up and be a parent and help her out of this situation before anything bad happens. She may not be happy about it but that's okay because you're the parent and sometimes parents have to do what's right instead of what's popular. Wait, have I been duped? This is a joke, right?
2007-04-05 23:30:14 · answer #5 · answered by mamasonny 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think that people having friendly relationships with older people is perfectly fine, but I don't think that you should let your daughter drink alcohol.. I will be the first to admit that I have had a few drinks underage, but at my own home, under the supervision of parents/family members..The difference is that your 15 year old is out there in a public place drinking.. It's true that if she gets caught drinking in public, you could get into some very serious trouble.. Plus the idea of her drinking with a bunch of older guys.. That just doesn't settle well with me.. But I know that every situation is different.. I'd just hate to see something happen to your daughter because her judgement was impaired.. They make laws for a reason I do believe.. Good luck!!
2007-04-05 23:24:13 · answer #6 · answered by idgaf 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it is alright for young people to have friends with older people, but as long a the relationship is healthy. If they are letting her drink alcohol, then this relationship isn't on a healthy level, and you need to explain to her if she continues to drink when she is with those college guys, you'll tak her out of taekwon-do and enroll her someplace else. But, I don't see why people make a stink about younger and older people being frinds. I'm 21 and have many younger friends, some who are as young as 4 and some as old as 25. And besides all children need at least one adult role model, who is not related to them, because many times childrens family members can't relate to them, the way some one else can.
2007-04-06 02:55:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should consider the fact that underage drinking is against the law - and if you're the parent and you have knowledge of her drinking, you are the one who will have to pay big fines, go to prison, and/or do community service. In addition, odds are that Child Protective Services is likely to take your daughter away from you and place her in a foster home. Being "liberal" is fine, but being irresponsible?
2007-04-05 21:32:41 · answer #8 · answered by bb jo 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that a fifteen year old girl doesn't have anything in common with 20 something year old guys on a social level, and the only place she should see them is karate class.
she's also too young to hang out in places where alcohol is served. that's just asking for trouble.
I'm 28 and that's just how I feel.
2007-04-05 21:24:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
you let your 15 yr old daughter go to a cafe with a GROUP of 20 yr old men and she drinks beer. you don't see a problem with that?
2007-04-06 02:25:34 · answer #10 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋