How should you feel when you lost someone you love?

Question

I've just heard I lost my grandma. She was my favorite person in the world. When I was younger I always cried at the thought of her leaving me, just thinking it makes me break in tears. But now that it has actually happened I feel nothing (perhaps not yet). Maybe the thing is that since we live so far away (she in Asia and me in the US) that the news is not enough for me to feel it.
Maybe I don't wanna go to the trouble of a heartbreak, so my question is how SHOULD you feel when something like this happens?

Answer 1

In nursing school we actually had to take a class on "Death and The Grieving Process". We were taught that there are 5 steps that everyone goes through. The good news is that not everyone goes through these steps in the same amount of time, nor in the same order.
1. Denial - we don't want to believe someone has died. At this stage it has not really sank in yet.
2. Anger - we are mad that this thing has happened (sometimes mad at the person who left us) This is normal. Many people become short fussed and get upset at little things during this time.
3. Bargaining - we may plead with God ...(if only you will take this horrible thing away I will be good)
4. Depression - This is a very necessary part of the process. We must allow ourselves feel sad. This is normal. For some people, the saddness is immediate. For others, it could take months.
5. Acceptance _ this is usually the final step....it is only after acceptance that we can begin to heal.

The biggest thing I have learned from this class is that everyone deals with death differently. You can be confident in knowing that your mind is dealing with this loss in the way that is best for you. Many people ask themselves "Why am I not reacting like I think I should"? There is no One way to react.

Trust me, the way that you are dealing with this Is the right way.

I am very sorry for your loss. Grandmother's are such a special part of our lives.

Answer 2

Everyone is different. I lost my father to suicide 15 or so years ago and didnt really cry at all I was surprised by that but went on about my life and didnt really give it much thought... Two weekes ago my husband commited suicide and I have cried more then I have ever cried in my life...Some days I feel as if God has placed a blanket on me and I will not cry at all but then the next day the blanket is lifted and I cry and cry... So its all about how you feel not what other people think you should feel... If you really think that you need to cry then go into your room find the sadest music you can possibly find and get ur cry on... If it doesnt happen then no worries... Lets face it Grandma is up there chillen with god and we r down here dealing with all the BS... Right? Silver linings are just a thought away go after it and live ur best life...

Answer 3

First of all, sweetie, I want to say I'm truly sorry for your loss. I lost my mom 1 year ago *3-28-06* so I know what it's like to go through something that difficult. Truthfully, there is no "proper" way to feel, but there are common steps of grief in this pattern as followed: this first stage is shock, meaning that it's emotional numbness, you generally show little or no emotion during this period, and it's very hard to accept the reality of the loss, immediately following this period is pangs of grief, where you cry and yearn for the person to be with you, or have angered outbursts on why they are not there, and you continue to think the person is still alive, the next stage is apathy (listlessness), like not caring one way or another for just about any issue, then it is followed by dejection, removing yourself from any and all previous activities that brought you pleasure, then it is followed with depression; after the depression fades, which can be days, weeks, months, or even years, you move toward resolution, which is basically accepting the fact and making steps to move on, but pangs of grief still occur, often just less intense and less frequent, i know when i lost my mom, i couldnt and wouldnt accept it and was basically a zombie, for about the first 3 months, everything felt surreal, like this was a bad dream, then i hit the intense pangs of grief, and still one year later i suffer still in that stage, everyone copes different and handles things differently, (i consider it a good day, if i only cry once) but here are some steps in coping with the grief, that i look to when i am having an exceptionally bad day:

*realize and accept that the person is gone
*do not bury your emotions, allow yourself to cry, face your loss head on
*discuss your feelings and even memories with family or close friends, sometimes it helps to just cry and talk, you know just let it out
*do not turn to alcohol or drugs as a coping technique, they will only make you feel worse when the affects wear off
*just know that grief is not easy, it takes time to get over it, dont try to hurry it along, or push it aside
*honor the memory of the deceased, but accept that you need to continue your life and rebuild you a bright new future

bottom line, i know it is going to be hard, and right now, dont feel guilty because you dont feel anything, your still in the numb stage, but it will hit and it will hit hard i hope this helped you and shed some light on grief

Answer 4

Children always love and respect their grandparents and they in turn pamper the grand children. The relationship is something beyond explanation for many. There are many grand parents who spend anything and everything for their grand children. You probably belonged to one such kid during your childhood and continued to keep the relationship with them. That is very nice to hear in todays world of lack of love, mistrust, disrespect etc.
The death of your grandma is a great loss, no doubt. But now that you are mature enough to understand life, you should console yourself and explain to your children how much you loved your grandma and how it is a tragic loss for you.
Well, when something like this happens, one will definitely feel a great loss that can not be compensated. Console himself thinking that grandma has passed away without any difficulties that other people of her age faces and thank GOD for giving courage to face such happenings.

Answer 5

Each person grieves differently. When I lost my grandpa, I also felt
empty. I got through that by leaning on God's promise that He will never leave nor forsake us and God will give us comfort through our loss!!!! You just have to remember the good times that you had with your grandma and put your trust in God and your faith.
I hope this helps and that you know that you are not alone in your grief.
P.S Just to let you know I will be praying for you and your family for the tough times that you are goning through!!

from
A.G

Answer 6

Yup I've lost it many times to not so serious relationships, but my one true love, I've always made sure that I regain that loving feeling everytime I sense I 'm losing it. Being married is totally different to being just in a relationship, I have always proven that in marriage being in love is a choice- but it's not what matters most, what matters most is staying in love.

Answer 7

Everyone reacts to a death in the family differently.When my grandmother died I was really upset. She lived in London and me in the US. I never met her in person but wrote to her since I was a child. She used to send me packages and I loved to get her letters. But my siblings had not had that connection so it didnt bother them as much. You will probably feel the loss at some point but dont fret about it.

Answer 8

GRIEF AFFECTS EACH PERSON IN A DIFFERENT WAY. I HAVE LOST MY MOM, AND MY GRANDPARENTS IN THE LAST 5 YRS. THEY WERE ALL THE FAMILY I HAD OUTSIDE OF MY TWO SONS. EACH DEATH BROUGHT IT'S OWN GRIEF EXPERIENCE.

DO YOU HAVE A COUNSELOR, PREACHER, FAMILY MEMBER, FREIND, SUPPORT GROUP, ETC. THAT YOU CAN TALK TO? ALSO, WRITING IS GOOD FOR GETTING IT OUT AND VENT.

DO NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW YOU SHOULD FEEL. DEAL WITH HOW YOU FEEL, AS YOU FEEL IT.

Answer 9

Just remember that the lord would never put anything on you that he believes that you can not bear. If you hve a bible read Luke 1:37. And remember that Jesus never makes mistakes, so just keep your head up and believe that the lord can comfort you if you seek him!! God Bless!!!!!!!

Answer 10

you feel exactly like that. their is no right or wrong way to feel. everyone deals with death in different ways. and their all right emotions!