What kind of custody should I fight for?

Question

I have impregnated my g/f. She is about 4 months pregnant. She will not allow me to go to Doctors appointments. She lies to me about when they are. She is currently unemployed, living with an acolholic with multiple history of domestic violence. Just tonight he twised (her son from another relationship) his grandsons arm while drunk. I was gonna call the cops but everyone told me they would deny anything happened, so I was afraid to call and look bad in the laws eyes. I just want to protect her son and our future child. I have a job, my own place, my own insurance. She is bi-polar and has not been on her meds for over 2 years. I want both I and the mother to be apart of this childs life but she is already pushing me out by lying and dening when appointments are. What can I do to ensure that I can have my child? I do not want to be a part time father. I dont want to exclude her from the childs life, but since I feel she is already excluding me from our future child I want to make certain I am a part of it. Im looking for advice on what I can do now to be a part of my childs life (not part time), but also ensure that the mother and I have (at least)equal parts of loving this new child.

I was afraid to call for the abuse becuase everyone who was there (I was not) said they would deny everything. They told me after telling me how bad it was, that it was 'not that bad' that anything needed to be done. But it was bad because the grandpa who did this was slammed into the sink, cutting his forehead. Or so I heard. I dont know for sure. I just dont want to or can afford to look like an *** in the eyes of the law. When everyone said they had the grandpas back I could do nothing but look like a fool.

Im not even 100% this is my child. BUT I want to prepare as though it is. Even if it is not Ive gone through enough to accept this as mine. I want this to be mine

Answer 1

If you know of a child that is being physically abused you should report it to CPS.

Answer 2

First of all you can get a paternity test while the baby is in the womb. It is called an amniocisis. Second of all the next time or even this time just call the police and say you heard yelling and a kid screaming from the house (give address) and say you want to have a well child check. The police will go over look the place over and interrogate. Or you can tell the absolute truth and remain anonymous. And as far as visitation and custody you need to get a lawyer. As far as her being bipolar and off her meds that will be good in your favor. Keep living your life the way you are don't go britney or kevin on the world. Also in your house make sure there is a second bedroom and create a nursery. YOu have to make the court see that she is an unfit parent. You will probably need a court order via your lawyer for the amnio since it is an evasive procedure.

Answer 3

Dude... you need to get some sort of proof. Everything she is doing right now if affecting your child be it drinking, or in a physical/violent relationship or household. You must take action because God forbid if that child is born with something you may live your life feeling regretful and asking yourself why didn’t I try and do something.

Hire a private investigator if you have to. Talk to the father of her other son and see if the son has ever told him something. You guys can join together and maybe each of you get your kids out from under her.

I think people are under the impression that courts will not remove kids from the mothers care. WRONG!! My husband and I have custody of his son. I did a lot of work, but it was the most slam-dunk case ever. You need to get as much information on her as possible and the guy she’s living with. Has he ever been arrested for anything?? If so what? Look on familywatchdog.us and see if he has been charged with a sexual offense.

Also… document now. Do you have a good relationship with one of her family members?? A sister, mother, cousin, a best friend, anyone..?? E-mail them and carefully voice your concern and see if you can get them to admit anything that’s going on. Don’t be too pushy or they may get suspicious. Just say something like I really want to see my baby develop but she will not tell me when her dr. appts are. Will you let me know.. I won’t tell her how I found out. Please…

BUT... ALWAYS get it in writing.. verbal...no good for court

Send your g/f certified letters asking her to tell you the truth about the appointments. Telling her that her living situation is not good for your baby. If they come back as returned.. (don’t open them.. attach the unopened envelope to a copy so the judge can read what you wrote and open it himself and see the same inside).

BEG and PLEA. I know it sucks, but it’s the only way. Play helpless for a while and they will think you are and possibly help. Then hopefully someone will be stupid enough to slip-up and give you the break you need.

Just remember that baby is the most important thing right now and don’t wait. If you go for custody once he/she is born and the mother says he never cared until now…. It’s harder for you. If you have proof that you tried, it really does account for a lot. Set up a room for your baby. Take pictures, but toys, and clothes. Show a judge that you are ready willing and able to have this baby full-time. But you need to try your hardest to get something on her, her living situation, her life choices, etc.. Be it from a family member/friend or something on the Internet or from a PI…. something negative (and the more the better).

If you get enough stuff prior to the baby being born take it the Child welfare or the police and ask for help.. otherwise you will have to wait until the baby is born. Once you have everything in place. Since she doesn't have a job and probably no money, hire an attorney and she will hire a horrible on that will cost her $1000... you pay $10,000 if you have to.. Trust me.. it will be $$ well spent if all goes your way. I can recommend a good lawyer if you live in Southern California or outside Houston TX.. other than that you are on your own. Most lawyers will take any case. The good ones I know will only take the cases they can win because they don't want to mess up their reputation which is good. They may tell you you need to do X, Y and Z then come back. But that's a good thing because that means they #1 want to win and #2 won't rip you off by taking a case they know does not have a chance.

Best of luck to you!! I hope this helps.

Answer 4

You have a very hard road ahead of you. Custody will depend on what the state allows each is diff. I have two kids from two diff. marriages and two diff. states. One state allows joint and one allows one parent and one with visitation.

You need to talk to an attorney to find out just what your state says. Then you need to document every thing from the lies to twisting of arms. Use recorders, pictures and video along with any witness you can find, some of these will not be allowed in court but can be used as leverage.

You will have to prove your fit to be a parent and have a support system in place before the baby is born. Just so you can have visitation and if you can prove she is unfit you might have a chance to obtain custody. Good Luck and make sure you are going after this for the right reasons and are ready for real commitment you are looking at at least 18 - 20 years of supporting the child.

P.S. Get DNA testing have it court ordered if necessary

Answer 5

I hope that someone besides your x told you this story. That child needs to be protected even though it is not yours. But without proof that the situation really happened (you seeing it yourself) I guess there is nothing you can do right now. If I were you I would start a journal of everything that happens between you and her. I would also journal any contact you have with any of the family members. ie, conversations and what was said by both parties. Well I hope things get better!!

Answer 6

Well the police report about the incident with the other child would have really helped you prove shes an unfit mother. You need to file for sole custody. The thing is you need proof shes unfit. The next time her current child gets hurt call DFACS then get a copy of their report to help your case. Its hard to get custody away from a mother without evidence she would have the child in danger. Best wishes!

Answer 7

First thing you will have to do is prove that the baby is yours. (Paternity Test) You need to talk to a lawyer. You will have to file for full (100%) legal and physical custody. You might get half of that (50%). If you are truly worried about the kids you will have to drag all of her dirty laundry into the picture. You seem like a nice guy I hope that you have it in you to fight dirty because that is what it's going to take. You have no rights to her other son. Start as soon as possible. Good luck.

Answer 8

If she is not cooperating then I would definitely keep and eye on the situation and take her to custody court imediately after the baby is born! Good for you for being a concerned father!! There's not many out there now a days!

Answer 9

Get yourself a lawyer and demand a paternity test. If you can handle it, go for full custody.
Next time call the police on child abuse.

Answer 10

UNTIL THERE IS AN ACTUAL CHILD BORN AND DNA STATES THAT YOU ARE THE FATHER, LEGALLY THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW.

IN THE MEAN TIME, BE SURE YOU ARE LIVING CORRECTLY AND MORALLY ACCEPTABLY. NO DOCUMENTED/PROVABLE DRUG, & CRIMINAL PROBLEMS, ETC.

BE SURE YOU HAVE A GOOD JOB, YOUR OWN PLACE, ROOM FOR A CHILD, CHILD CARE CONCERNS THOUGHT OUT AND TENTATIVELY ADDRESSED, A SUPPORT GROUP (FAMILY, FRIENDS, CHURCH, ETC), FINANCIAL STABILITY, CREDIBLE CHARACTER WITNESSES, AND A GOOD ATTORNEY.

I COMMEND YOU FOR WANTING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. SADLY, GOOD DEPENDABLE FATHERS ARE RARE IN OUR SOCIETY.