I need a joke to tell the congregation at my church? come on yall help me make them fall out of there seats for Easter!
2007-04-05 14:23:15 · 12 answers · asked by Wouldn't u like to know 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
An very rich old man is dying. The lawyer and the priest are at his bedside hoping for huge contributions. Suddenly, the old man calls them over and has the priest stand on his right side and the lawyer on his left side...
They rush over and ask him what he wants, to which he replies: "I want to die like Jesus... with a crook on either side."
2007-04-05 14:31:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
a young man was walking down the street when he came apon a church, and on the door there was a note that said painter wanted. the young man knocked on the door and the priest answered he said "may i help you son"? the young man replied "im interested in the painting job" so the priest gave him the job. the young man was thankful and he took it apon himself and try to save the church some money so he added water to the paint to make it go further. the priest came into the room he was painting to check on the young mans progress and to his amazement the boy was finished but the walls looked kind of funny, so the priest asked the boy why ?
he told the priest what he had done, the priest told the boy that his painting job was sinful and told the boy that he must repaint and thin no more.
2007-04-05 14:51:47 · answer #2 · answered by happylady 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave the Vatican. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.
So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jew won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.
The Jews realized that they had no choice. So they picked a
middle aged man named Moishe to represent them. Moishe asked for one addition to the debate. To make it more interesting, neither side would be allowed to talk. The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. Moishe and the Pope sat
opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Moishe looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in a circle aroundhis head. Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Moishe pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can stay."
An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around Moishe.
"What happened?" they asked.
"Well," said Moishe, "First he said to me that the Jews had
three days to get out of here. I told him that not one of us was
leaving. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared
of Jews. I let him know that we were staying right here."
"And then?" asked a woman.
"I don't know," said Moishe. "He took out his lunch and I took
out mine."
2007-04-05 16:05:24 · answer #3 · answered by emmax2304 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ok so a clergyman desires a horse so he is going into city to purchase one however the only keep sell them is a prior run down place yet he is going up asks am i able to purchase a horse and the guy ses specific yet this would be a particular horse and it in basic terms stops in case you assert god almighty and in basic terms is going in case you assert compliment the lord so the priest see ok i think of thats ok so he buys the pony and on the way living house he sees the bridge has collapsed so the priest ses to his horse decelerate however the pony keeps going so he see it back however the nevertheless doest supply up and is going quicker and speedy while priest recalls and shouts GOD ALMIGHTY and the pony stops merely earlier the collapsed bridge so in alleviation the priest ses ah compliment the lord
2016-11-07 08:12:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two priests and a rabbi are out fishing in the same boat. One of the priests rises and says"I'll make the beer run this time!", and steps out onto the water. Across the pond he goes and comes back with beer. A bit later, the other priest rises, and he exclaims"I guess I'll make the beer run this time!", and across the pond and back he goes. Yet a bit later, the rabbi, not wanting to feel out-of-place gets up and states"I'll make the beer run this time!" and hops out of the boat. SPLASH! Into the water he goes. He climbs back in the boat and resolves to try again. SPLASH! Back in the water he goes. At this point, the one priest turns to the other and asks"Should we show him where the stones are before he drowns himself?".
2007-04-05 15:28:12 · answer #5 · answered by Evil Devil 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Jesus,Moses,and an older man are playing golf. Moses hits first and his ball lands in the water hazard,so he parts the water,walks out there and picks up his ball. Jesus hits next,and his ball also lands in the water,so he walks out on the water and gets his ball. Last the older man tees up and wouldn't you know it,his ball lands in the water too! A fish jumps out of the water with the ball in his mouth,then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish carrying him over the green where the fish drops the ball and it lands perfectly in the hole. Jesus looks over and beams,"Nice shot Dad!!"
2007-04-05 14:42:30 · answer #6 · answered by SallySunshine 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
one day satan and jesus were having a contest to see whos better with computers. God was the judge
"on ur mark. get set. go!"
satan and jesus were both making very good progress untill the power went out.
they each turned theyre computers back on.
"thats not fair! all my stuff is gone!" yelled satan.
"mine isnt!" jesus replied
"hows that?" asked satan
God answered: Jesus saves!
2007-04-05 14:30:15 · answer #7 · answered by surfinmaui 1 · 6⤊ 0⤋
i drove past a sign at a church in florida and it said, Try our sundays the are better than baskin robbins.
2007-04-05 14:34:41 · answer #8 · answered by bubba 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
i dont know if this is one but:
there is an italian in the kitchen, african american in the living room, and a spanish women in the bedroom. Who's in the bathroom?
Answer: your a peeing. (european)
2007-04-05 14:31:00 · answer #9 · answered by emilyanne 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
there's this christian website that has tons of good clean jokes.....www.goodcleanjokes.com
2007-04-05 14:39:20 · answer #10 · answered by jan 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋