I've been with a man for 7 years. We were engaged twice already but he has both times backed out because he has MAJOR commitment issues...
We lived together for 2 of the 7 years and now have been having a long-distance relationship for the last 3 years...We try and see eachother every 10 days and when we're together it is the most incredible experience. I know he loves me, he is terrified of loosing me but I know he is afraid of marriage so why do I stick around?
He has told me that I am the only woman he has ever considered marrying...and mind you we are in our early 30s so it is definetly not a run to the altar...
This last weekend I put an end to it by saying, "...either you marry me or you leave me." He couldn't do either so I told him I was done. I have not heard from him since. Is this the closure I deserve? After 7 years do men not make any kind of effort? This is the easiest way out of a relationship - keeping silent.
The worst part of all is that it hurts me so much...
2007-04-05 12:36:18 · 17 answers · asked by mzrtlvr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
know what to tell you with that one ,
2007-04-05 12:39:56 · answer #1 · answered by fddd s 2 · 0⤊ 5⤋
Hiya. I'm very sorry for jumping right in, but I think you should give him- without telling him, of course- a deadline to come around.
Out of cowardice and indecision I let a three year relationship end in a similar way. It took me a fortnight to speak with her again, and months of very infrequent contact to mend the fence.
Granted, I struggle with agoraphobia, so reconnection was going to be tough; regardless, the blame for the whole mess was absolutely with me. I'm a better person than I was when I forced her to break up with me, and I'd do anything for her now, if she hadn't moved on. The depth of my regret isn't for discussion here, anyway.
If you want to give him a chance without reaching out first, give him a week or two. If he loves you as you say he does, then he'll realise he was taking you for granted; he can't have it both ways and that he really *will* lose you if he doesn't act positively, the way you need him to.
If that doesn't do it, I don't think I can say anything encouraging. I hope you get what you *really* want out of this in the end.
Best of luck.
~ Carnage
2007-04-05 20:13:28 · answer #2 · answered by candid_carnage 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you no if your not married within the first two years odds are against you that he will never marry you,you no the old saying why buy the cow when the milk is free.I don't no if it was right in what you did but I do no,never give a man an ultimatum because if he wanted out you just gave him an easy out.Now you can't call him because you were the one who left and because you can't it is killing you,I no you are really hurting inside and you wish you would left things alone but it was the best thing to do because now you can go out and find someone who will commit to you
2007-04-05 20:09:45 · answer #3 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men are pigs. I am one of them.
No way to get rid of the hurt, you invested 7 years of emotions into this. It will get better with time.
You need to set a limit on how long you will be waiting for him to come around. If he hasn't yet, then he probably won't soon. You need to move on as soon as possible. Get on with your life. You deserve it. If he won't commit, and that is what you want, then you will eventually find someone who will want the same things.
Like a sleazeball buddy of mine always said when referring to a woman who supposedly had a relationship. "I don't see a ring, so it can't be that serious."
If you are not a keeper to him, then forget him. Lot's of fish out there.
2007-04-05 19:46:58 · answer #4 · answered by Chef 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men are complete turkey's and I'm sorry your man had such a hard time committing , unfortunately, after 4 years mine was doing the same , it wasn't until after we got preggy that we got married and have now been married for 3 years, but i don't recommend anyone get prerggy in order to get their partner to commit, It could have turned out very sour for me. I recommend you treat yourself to a good cry , then get gussied up and go out for a girls night,. Have fun, and don't be to eager to find another beau so soon, heal a Lil , and take it from there. Watch out for his type in the future. Don't even bother getting attached, find someone local, who is very family oriented and open with his feelings, maybe one with a dog, they tend to understand companionship more :) cheers.
2007-04-05 19:43:12 · answer #5 · answered by derangdlilmonkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing! You just need to take everything that you have learn from this relationship. Honey, you don't want to wait around forever!!! 7yrs is a longtime and you shouldn't have to pressure him to marry you! You are not making room for the guy you are suppose to be with.
2007-04-05 19:44:49 · answer #6 · answered by buddafly_2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have mentioned that you were with a man for 7 years.But,you haven't mentioned what kind of man he is ,and what is his statues, is he married?? so if it is so, then he loved you but couldn't merry you coz his commitment to his wife and children, he was thinking too much for a long dark nights, I am sure that he loved you,but he wanted also to put an end to this story,and he waited you to put this end, but believe me he is hurt also same as you and I am sure that he still thinking about the best nights he spent with you
2007-04-05 19:47:20 · answer #7 · answered by walid k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on the guy was getting his whenever he was in town,and had someone else where he was staying. If he was going to marry you he wouldn't wait 7 years. You did the right thing , don't worry he's not all broke up.
2007-04-05 19:43:22 · answer #8 · answered by artic ranger 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, that stinks. I guess you feel like you wasted all of that time with him, but you never know who will come along next. You learned a lot about what not to do and what not to put up with. Just remember that love does not hurt, it feels good. So, go out and find someone that makes you feel good.
2007-04-05 19:42:56 · answer #9 · answered by Colette B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This poor man is going to lose you if he doesn't grab you. You have needs. You need to lay it right out. Be frank, honest, and sincere. Something like, "darling I love you very much but if you don't marry me NOW I'm leaving". Men need that direct approach.
2007-04-05 19:41:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i disagree with you
you knew him for seven years
two out of them you actually lived to gether
what happened now
why is the marriage
are you all of sudden turned to be religious
detting to be holly
why did not you have any kids yet?
what marriage means to you
if you have stayed keeping yourself pure and clean then you may complain
go back to him before its too late
he might find younger prettier then you will turn to be only for relaxing in between fights
2007-04-06 00:52:15 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋