I'm a single mom of a 5 year old boy. He's getting more and more aggressive everyday. How do I calm this?

Question

I actually had to pick him up from school cause of his bullying towards other children. I've talked to my pediatricion but they just say it's a stage...but it's been getting worse over the past few months. Nothing has changed at school or home. I'm so afraid cause he starts regular school this fall. I don't want him to be labeled the bully! How do I stop this behavior?

Answer 1

Is he being picked on by someone? A neighbor, a cousin, an older brother? Bullies are usually picked on, then turn around and do the same thing to other people.

Make sure you are doing your job as a parent. When he does something wrong, give him a certain punishment and stick to it. Don't give in just because it's easier, you want to keep him happy, etc.

Answer 2

Boys at age 5 have more energy than anything else on earth. When he starts to act out he should be sent to run around for a while but that wont happen at school. Find some thing that he values and does not want to lose and use it as leverage for good behavior- if he bullies or misbehaves then he loses his precious object for a specified length of time.

You have time to stop this behavior over the summer - dont let up on him - every time he is mean or bullying to another child he needs immediate punishment whether that's time out or writing I will not hit for 20 times.

Answer 3

Stand your ground as a parent. Don't back down once you set your punishment. If you give in now later you will have your teenaged son telling you what to do.

Find out if there is something at school that is making him angry. Don't excuse his behavior, but tell him that being mad is okay. It's how he expresses his anger that is wrong.

Allergies can be behavior altering. A friend of mine had a beautiful little girl who was just plain mean. Somewhere along the line she got her allergies tested and found out she was allergic to corn syrup. After her being a mean child from age 2 until 5, she is now a wonderful young woman at 12.

Answer 4

Limit TV time...especially shows that have violence in them. Also do not let him watch movies that have violence. This is not good for small children...this is why there are ratings. When he shows signs of aggression put him in time out and leave him there for 5 minutes (1 minute for every year of their age). At the end of the 5 minutes tell him that being mean to other children is not acceptable and that every time he does it he will have to sit to think about what he has done. I would also talk to parents of kids that he plays with. Do they have older siblings that might be picking on him and his friends? He learned this behavior from somewhere and it needs to be stopped.

Answer 5

He needs to be taught the expectations and rewarded for appropriate behavior. Try to make 3 simple rules that are positive (what to do or what to expect) rather than negative (what not to do). In my classroom, we use the 3 bee's. Be Friendly, Be Safe, and Be A Worker. Being a worker means try, or do your best. Of course, kids need to be taught what these 3 Bees mean. Then, the child needs to be appropriately acknowledged for behavior. Try to give very specific praise such as "Wow! You really followed my directions! That's being a worker!" or something like that instead of 'good job.' Try to say exactly what the 'good job' was..."You sat down, that's exactly what you're supposed to do! Way to go!" things like that. Also, try to remember to give at least 3 positive comments for every negative one. Always try to give him directions telling him what you expect (be safe or hands down) instead of what you don't want (no hitting). He needs to be taught what he can do instead of hitting, etc. He needs to learn social skills like how to ask for a turn, how to handle disappointment, etc...try to really label his feelings. Instead of "you're angry" say "you're feeling really disappointed." Talk about what things we can do when we feel disappointed (or angry, or frustrated, or whatever) when he is not feeling the feeling. Role play with him appropriate ways to get attention and get turns.

Of course, all of this needs to be done across settings. School, home, etc. He spends the most time with you, though, so the more you can begin to do some of these things, the better. Make sure he knows that you talk to the teachers and the you communicate with them. That you will be asking if he was safe and friendly today. Then, be sure to reward him when he is safe/friendly or whatever you decide. Simple little toys from the dollar store, play time with mom, whatever will motivate him. This is not bribing him, but helping him to learn what is expected and rewarding appropriate behavior. Good luck!

Answer 6

Take away everything he owns, or try and be mean back see how he likes it. If that doesn't work you could always try and bribe him with chocolate or something. My cousin went though the same stage. She got so angry once that she through a fork and knife at me in a restaurant. That was when she was around 3/4. Now she's 5/6 and she's much better. I know it's hell, but he will grow out of it. It's just gonna take some time.

Answer 7

I know that he's only five, but you should sit down with him and ask him why he feels like he has to hit and be aggressive toureds his friends. It may be something simple like sharing since he's an only child maybe he's used to having the toys all to himself. There are many reasons he might be doing this I hope this helps good luck!!

Answer 8

I have read one of Barbara Coloroso's books, and seen her on video. She makes a lot of sense and I know she has a new book on bullying. Your library probably has a copy.

Answer 9

take him to a councilor. it sounds like he has a behavior problem. my 5 year old grand daughter is the same way. you also need to put your foot down.