How long is it acceptable to wait to be married (already engaged 3 years)?

Question

I have been engaged since Sep 2004 and my partner and I had set a date for January 2008. I thought that was such a long time away, now it is coming soon! However, my partner has thrown a bombshell at me and said he doesn't want to get married in January - and hasn't given me another date.

Should I accept this and wait until he is "ready"? He hasn't given me a new date, and said I should be happy just being engaged and that there is no rush.

I feel like moving on if he can't give me a reason or a new date for the future!

I'm 24, he is 30. I don't want to have a 10 year engagement anniversary!

Answer 1

I would feel the same way you do if this were me. I think you really need to talk to him about WHY he doesn't want to get married, after you've been engaged for three years. I would also suggest you two see a therapist together or a marriage counselor to figure out where to go from here, when each of you are obviously moving in different directions. I think it would be perfectly fair of you to want to move on, but I'm sure that's not what you want to do. Maybe he's just having the typical "cold feet," but whatever it is, he needs to be able to communicate his fears and feelings.

Answer 2

There is no rule on acceptable waiting periods ... it is all about personal choice and what the couple feels comfortable doing. Your fiance is partly correct ... you are already engaged so there is really no rush. Spend quality time together and just be happy that you're able to be with your true love.
There could be a lot of reasons why he wants to postpone things ... maybe he wants to wait until he can provide for the entire wedding instead of asking for help from his parents or yours. You are both still young and shouldn't be in any rush to get married. I have cousins who waited until they were in their mid-late 30s before getting married ... not because they hadn't found anyone, but because they wanted to be secure in their jobs first.
If not having a definite date makes you want to move on ... maybe you should really think about why you got engaged in the first place and if the marriage is right for you.

Answer 3

If you feel like moving on, you may be right not to waste any more time with this guy. Postponing after such a long engagement sounds like a ploy to never get married but string you along.

Tell him you feel like you are being strung along and that you need a date that he is going to stick to or you are moving on. Why did you agree to such a long engagement anyway. You might consider premarital counseling.

Best wishes.

Answer 4

You need to sit down and talk to him and find out why he is feeling the way he is and you need to tell him how you are feeling. There has to be something going on inside of his head that you do not know about for him to decide almost a year before the wedding that he isn't ready, and after being engaged for 3 yrs. There is also something wrong when he is 30 and still doesn't want to get married. The best thing to do is to sit down and talk to him about what is going on.

Answer 5

It sounds like you and your partner need to have a talk. Where is your say in all of this? I've heard that the longer the engagement beyond a reasonable time (2 yrs) the less likely the couple is to actually get married. I think an exception to all of that may be if he has a very valid reason (like financial problems or something like that) ~
Good luck, and speak candidly and honestly to him about it.

Answer 6

No, you should not just "accept", IMO. This has been long enough. What he's doing is very disrespectful to you. There is no reason why you guys couldn't get married anytime between 2004 and now, and there's no reason why you can't be planning for a wedding in January. Tell him to set a date or get out; if you decide to "wait", you might be waiting for a long time. Seems like he's holding out for something better to come along, but if nothing does, he might settle for you. Don't give him this opportunity, beat him to the punch.

Answer 7

If you've been engaged for 3 years, that means that a 27 year old man proposed to a 21 year old girl. Not that it is a horrible situation, but he sounds pretty immature. He doesn't date girls his age, and he won't commit to setting a date. I don't know how long he will string you on, but if I were you I would need to have a serious talk with him. Is there any particular reason you guys were waiting so long to begin with?

Answer 8

You have every right to ask for a reason as to why he doesn't want to get married in 08 like the plan. 3 years is plenty of time to be engaged, ask him why he is wnats to post pone again? There may be a very good reason, he may not be ready, maybe he's scared or is having second thoughts on marrying you. I would talk to him and ask him what the deal is.

Answer 9

Engaged at 16? She is too youthful to be engaged and way too youthful to be married! She desires to take time to advance and mature. the fellow she is now will unavoidably be different than the fellow she will have the capacity to be years from now. Its okay to stay with a boyfriend for the length of that aspect, yet to get married at 16 or perhaps 18 statistically does no longer very last. constructive... human beings beat the percentages... yet she desires to journey life and locate herself first.

Answer 10

24 is pretty young to get married anyway. I'd agree with your guy, just enjoy being engaged ... you have plenty of time to get married and have kids.

It's only 3 years, I don't see how you are jumping to 10 years so fast. Just consider the time you have now as a chance to keep evaluating your relationship (egad that sounded gay) .... my point is you don't want to rush into getting married.

Wait.