I have a daughter who is twelve. She's fairly mature for her age, and is responsible. My husband and I frequently drop her off at the local mall or the movies with a few of her friends (we know them and their parents very well) and let them hang out for a few hours.
Well, she told me that she likes a boy from her class, and her best friend likes his best friend. She asked if she could meet up with these two boys and her friend and have ice cream at the promenade ... which is maybe a five minute drive from our home. These boys are her age, and I'm glad that she was honest about wanting to meet up with them, but I feel like she might still be too young. Maybe I just don't want to accept that she's growing up! My husband says that we should reward her with a little more freedom because she was responsible enough to tell us what she was going to be doing, and he doesn't want her to lie and meet them behind our backs.
Any other moms been in this situation? I need advice!
2007-04-05 10:48:46 · 38 answers · asked by fairy*chick~ 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
This is exactly the kind of activity that you want her to be doing in terms of dating as she is so young. It's good she wants to go with a group even if the group is another couple. Its great she told you cause she could have met them at the mall and you would not have known. I would say to let them go and invite the youngsters to your house after the ice cream to hang out. Then you get to meet the boy without the usual tension.
2007-04-05 12:28:13 · answer #1 · answered by elaeblue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you drop her off at the mall or at the movies with friends, what is the difference with dropping her off at the promenade with friends. Do you think that she can't do the same thing at the mall or movies? If she is or has been responsible thus far, you have the option to trust her. Personally, I think that things are a lot different these days and I would not let her go without some adult supervision. They could sit at their own table etc... while you sit on the other side of the room. I would also have meeting times at the mall and check in frequently but thats just me.
2007-04-05 10:54:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
My children are all ground up now..but I do remember at that time my daughter started off the same way..But after a while to more freedom she got things started to go bad. She would come into the house and act funny and when I asked her she said nothing..now this went on until she turned 16 and it was until later on I found out she was having sex with a few boys.. I think back at that time when she was your daughter age and felt I should of not give her that kinda of freedom..cause the boy she like she was with from the time she was 12yr..and not knowing if she did it young. Now her girl friends do talk about boys and they do tell one another why not try it and they dare..I think your daughter is to young for this. This would be up to you..but if you do let her and something happens you look back and have regrets..
2007-04-05 11:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by Spice M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you should feel proud that your daughter feels she can come to you and talk to you about anything.
Second of all you should let her go, she's not going to come to any harm in a mall it's basically just some friends meeting up for ice cream. Generally at age 12 the term "boyfriend" means something completely different to say a 16 yr olds view of it so do not worry. Your daughter deserves more responsibility, she is growing up & has proved herself to be responsible & mature at the first opportunity she had.
2007-04-05 10:57:46 · answer #4 · answered by madamspud 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
No. She's way too young, and no matter how responsible she is, she shouldn't be put into a situation like that yet. It's like putting a big, fat, platter of cookies in front of a two year old and telling them not to eat any cookies, then walking out of the room. Now, the kid knows the rules, but they will justify their behavoir by saying, "My parents will never find out." Think about what platter you're setting in front of your 12 year old. Is it worth the risk? But don't just tell her "no." Sit her down and carefully explain why the answer is no. Tell her that you don't want her to be tempted to do things that she knows are wrong and that you want to keep her out of that situation in the first place. It might be hard for her, and she may hate you for a couple of days, but its not the end of the world, and when she's older, she'll thank you.
2007-04-05 10:57:19 · answer #5 · answered by S. Elizabeth 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you should talk to her and tell her shes a bit too young. I mean she is only 12 and going out for an ice cream with a guy while 12 could lead into worse things in the future. I think she should continue on living her child life until she is a bit older. Don't let her grow up to fast you both will regret it.
2007-04-05 10:53:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you both. She is being honest so you don't want to mess that up but also you are worried, which is normal. But the best thing to do, if you haven't already, is have that sex talk and let her know that it is not something to be ashamed about and that she can talk to you about those things, because if not and you say NO NO NO she will do them anyway. This way when she gets any urges you can explain things about waiting but only explain things, no harping or she will not listen, it's her decision ultimatley, you cannot make it for her but our job as parents is to guide not dictate so they will make good decisions. I hope I am not freaking you out I know that most girls are not having sex at 12 but it is always a good idea to have that talk. So when she is ready and she is having sex (whether you like it or not) you can put her on birth control and she'll feel comfortable telling you these things and about boys and stuff. COMMUNICATION
Parenting is so hard....
2007-04-05 11:04:18 · answer #7 · answered by Texasgal 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think at 12 its going to be unavaoidable that she sees/likes/hangs out with boys. I mean, she's at school all day long with them, and who knows how other parents handle things when she's with friends.
The key is to strike a good, fair balance that will make her want to behave.
I'd say that meeting some boys in a public location for a couple hours is harmless. Set a time limit (2 hours?) drop her off, and pick her up. She'll feel good about her freedom, and its not like she's going to make out in public...... make it clear that she's EARNED this freedom by being honest, open and responsible, and she'll continue to receive the freedom as long as she continues such behavior.
I was in 6th grade when I went on my first "date" with a boy to a halloween party at his church, and hten a different boy later that year when i went to his house and played basketball. . . and yet I was 17 before I ever even made out with a boy! It doesn't mean she's going to be promiscuous.
2007-04-05 11:09:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that it is ok to let her hang out with her friends. I mean they are not doing anything wrong, just having ice cream and being friends. So as long as you know where she is and you trust that she is behaving well, it's perfectly fine. If you're still worried, drive by once or twice to make sure that things look ok. Or better yet, have her carry a cell phone or 50 cents so that she can call home if she needs to. Actually that is a good idea at any time. But yeah, let her go out. She's ok.
2007-04-05 10:58:15 · answer #9 · answered by Rat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, can an old dad have some input? I think it would be ok if you pick the girls up and drive them to the ice cream parlor and then pick them up to take them home. All this with the understanding that they are not to leave with the boys. Your daughter sounds mature and if you can trust her at the mall with her friends, why not at the promenade?
2007-04-05 10:55:47 · answer #10 · answered by loufedalis 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋