2007-04-05 10:09:31 · 18 answers · asked by kirsten 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's a tough one to get over. I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Try to remember that your new boyfriend is a completely different person from your ex. It's very easy to be bitter and allow those wounds from your past relationship to seep into your current one, but that doesn't do anything to help your relationship - or to help you heal.
The best thing you can do is talk to your current boyfriend about what happened in your past. Tell him that you're really struggling with the trust issue. Assure him that he's done nothing to bring this on, but that you might need a little extra reassurance now and then.
Beyond that, you absolutely have to take your current boyfriend's word at face value. It takes some real mental and emotional strength to get over something like that; it's easy to fall back into paranoia or suspicion. Be strong & demand more from yourself. Snooping, monitoring, or keeping tabs on him (or his ex) will do nothing but drive the both of you crazy, and most likely drive him away from you.
I'm so sorry you had to deal with a cheating ex, but you can get through this. Remember that not all men behave that way, and if someone truly values you as a person (and if you truly value yourself), you won't ever have to deal with it again.
Good luck!
2007-04-05 10:15:25 · answer #1 · answered by Courtney 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really hard to trust anyone after you have been hurt. Just remember it was not your new man that did this. There are a few good ones out there.
2007-04-05 10:15:57 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been here and completely understand. It is a really hard thing to deal with because you are always chasing your thoughts. One minute you trust him the next you dont. I dont have a way to fix it besides time. It takes time and effort on BOTH your parts. Even though it is not the new guys fault...and he should not have to pay for it, he needs to realize your sensitivity.
2007-04-05 10:14:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yea....ur carrying old baggage!!!! let it go!! JUst becase one man did u wrong, doesnt mean the next man will do the same. At the same token, don't be naiive. Keep your eyes open and guards up with the new guy. Also, y do u hate his ex?? has she done anything to you to deserve hatred? Dont put her in the circle.....And by all means, just forget about your ex....and ur new man's ex too. That will make ur life easier
2007-04-05 10:14:02 · answer #4 · answered by bgsfnstldy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't punish your current boyfriend for something an ex-boyfriend did. He is a different person and should be allowed the same love and trust that he is giving to you.
Plus, don't let his ex bother you. We all are going to have baggage from past relationships and if his ex doesn't bother him, his ex shouldn't bother you. Remember, they broke up for a reason and he chooses to be with you!!
2007-04-05 10:20:36 · answer #5 · answered by amykins89 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are not ready to be in a relationship.
have you heard the term baggage? that is what you are traveling with. you can't do this to someone that genuinely likes you. he is going to walk away from you eventually and he will move on with his own baggage you know the one about the ex girlfriend who was jealous of every woman he had before she showed up.
take the time to heal and regain your trust in people in general. until then, you will only be walking into situations in which this will happen.
2007-04-05 10:18:28 · answer #6 · answered by la21unica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because one guy is a certain way doesn't mean the other one is. You can't blame him for what your ex did. As for your man's ex, who cares about her, she's not even supposed to be in the picture, he's your man now so she should be steppin back and doing her own thing!
2007-04-05 10:14:30 · answer #7 · answered by ppL L0ve 2 hAt3 m3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ooh snap! Well I basically try to forget it. My boyfirend and his X don't tend to get on that well anymore, but the thought is always in the back of my mind. He has promised me that he wouldnt do that, and he is a very honest guy. Just be careful if they get too friendly, be cautious and dont fall in love too early, make sure you learn to love yourself first.
2007-04-05 10:15:04 · answer #8 · answered by justice_4_jbr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you should drop subtle hints and questions about if you can trust him, like if he had ever cheated on someone, or lied to someone just to make something different, i dont think that you should be stand-offish, but you need to get to know his past
2007-04-05 10:24:51 · answer #9 · answered by o-blaba-dob 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say it's time to tell your new man what you expect in your relationship, especially when it comes to fidelity and ex-partners.
Stand up for yourself, or you'll get run over again and again.
2007-04-05 10:15:02 · answer #10 · answered by cptbuz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋