Shower Etiquette?

Question

I know many girls right now that are either getting married or having babies. Some of them are close friends, others are not. I'm getting a little frustrated because I feel that some of my "friends" don't want anything to do with me unless it's an occasion where I'm required to bring them a gift. When one of them became pregnant, she literally stopped talking to me for months and rarely returns my phone calls. I understand that her lifestyle has changed and she isn't interested in going out and partying anymore, but she can't even be bothered going to lunch or anything because she's always "too tired." And when we do talk, it's all one sided, only about her pregnancy. She never asks me about anything going on in my life. So my question is, how do I handle this? I don't have the $ to buy gifts for all these part time friends, but at the same time, I don't want to burn bridges or cause any awkwardness between us because we do have many mutual friends.

To rt: I should have been more specific...she uses the "tired" excuse to get out of returning phone calls, etc. NOT just going out. And she's been doing that since the first day she found out she was pregnant. I understand being pregnant makes women tired, but being pregnant is not an excuse to be a shitty friend and then expect gifts.

Answer 1

You know--I completely understand the frustration in this. It really bothers me as well. I have several friends that I used to be really close to. I used to call them and give them monthly updates on what I've been up to. After I while, I noticed it was always me doing the calling and I never received a call back. I haven't heard from one of my previously "close" friends but suddenly I got an invitation both to her graduation, to her wedding, and 2 different showers all in the same 6 month span.

My sister will remain single her whole life. She has no interest in marriage but has several friends that have gotten married and had kids. They call to invite her to every birthday party, Santa gift exchanges, their own baby showers, etc--but never just to get together.

Honestly, you can't afford to just be their friend when they need something. I mean who wants to hear from a friend just when its an obligation for a gift--birthdays, graduations. When is enough enough? I mean I give a lil bit of a break during pregnancy and I know that it really is the only thing on her mind right now. She is so emotional its really hard for her to think about you.

However, there is a point where you will go in debt trying to keep friends that only want to be friends with you for the gifts you give them. I think I would still go, but I would not be buying gifts for all of these occasions. Or if so, cheap lil gifts. You don't love her kids. You love her. and if she doesn't seem to love you back...perhaps the effort you expend may be more than you can afford, and more than the friendship is worth.

Stop buying gifts for everything. Instead try for a sweet card. Go, if you want to and if you feel up to it--but don't go to all these showers out of obligation. I'd continue to call her and invite her to lunch as frequently as you feel up for it, but make sure you are doing things that are comfortable for her as well. Married people don't always want to go out at 10pm and a pregnant woman has no desire to go to a smoke filled bar. But if she is consistantly standing you up for lunch, you are valuing this friendship far more than she is.

Getting a card and expressing to her the desire to get together does not burn bridges but you will not be broke trying to buy her friendship either. Eventually you may decide the two of you have just drifted apart.

Answer 2

I can understand your frustration!! Understand that this is an awkward time for them, too!! When you get pregnant (or are getting married)....it is weird being around those that AREN'T. Your life represents a life of CERTAINTY....and these friends are standing on a precipice of uncertainty. Being a new mom is sometimes very frightening....you don't know if you are going to be a good mom, if your marriage is going to work, and they are probably afraid that you aren't going to want as much to do with them now that their lives are changing.

As far as the showers.....go and give what you can comfortably afford. They will understand this. I would not make up excuses....as one day you will be in THEIR boat and it will be a shame if you no longer have this person as a friend.

Seek out others who are not yet mothers to talk to about what is going on in your life now. Once the new mothers are comfortably settled into these new roles.....they will welcome talk that is NOT about babies and families and diapers!!

Answer 3

People change over time. People who are getting married, feel funny asking a single person to dinners or just over to play monopoly or something. I am single & I have noticed this very often!! It is often ackward with my friend's husband around....... though, she knows that nothing would ever happen between us.

And women who become pregnant, have all kinds of feelings they just don't understand. It's the hormone thing!! They feel very good, then 10 minutes later; they are crying their eyes out!!! Also, she may be DEPRESSED. Depressed people don't want to do anything!! However, the DEPRESSION doesn't have anything to do with you!!

And, lots of times...... if a person is depressed: they really aren't thinking about anything or anybody else because THEY ARE SO MISERABLE.

Probably, at this point; the best thing you can do for yourself is to meet more single people. Meet new people who have things in common with you NOW. And don't put so much effort into relationships that just aren't working anymore!! It's okay....... as everyone goes through this at some point in their lives.

Answer 4

I can't stand when that happens. Like she's the only woman to ever have a kid. Was she nothing before she became pregnant? Did she not have a life before that? Is this her first child? Maybe give her some slack if it is, but I'd feel slighted too, if I were you. You have a life, y'know? You have stuff going on too!

As far as gifts go, just give her a little token gift ... like a nice moisturizer or bath lotion with a bow. It should be the thought that counts.

Answer 5

My advice is just be careful at this time in your friendship. You don't want to burn any bridges behind you. Understand that sometimes in our life we become self centered and especially when something big is happening in our lives, like pregnancy.
You may want to ride this out and give her some space. She will remember that when she 'grows up'.
As for your other friends, the same advice applies. We all go through an ebb and flow in our relationships. The best relationships come when we have ridden it out and still can talk to each other.
We need people at different times in our lives. It seems to happen, though, that when you need your friends they don't seem to care.
As you can tell, I've been where you are and I made it though.
{S}

Answer 6

Buy something small...and go. Or lie and say you have a prior engagment..but don't tell anyone else or you'll get caught. I understand where your coming from...people who are newly pregnant or 1st time pregnancies they tend to be a little selfish...but try to remember..this is her last few months as 1 person....for the next 18 years at least she will be takingcare of another human being..Good luck to you..

Answer 7

in case you go with to throw your sister a occasion then you truly might desire to achieve this. yet do no longer make it a bathtub, by using fact it truly is such undesirable variety to ask people to a bathtub who purely isn't invited to a marriage. A reception celebrating the marriage is great nevertheless. I have not have been given any concept and might't permit you recognize why a occasion referred to as a reception is socially ok after the marriage and a bathtub in the previous the marriage isn't while no one would be going to the marriage in the two case. How stupid once you think of of it! possibly make it completely distinctive and your man or woman by ability of calling it a marriage occasion or a marriage deliver off occasion. sturdy luck and Congratulations on the hot addition on your loved ones!

Answer 8

Giving gifts and attending showers and weddings are always in your control. If you feel the invitation is just for a gift send only a card to congratulate the person and decline to go to the event. If you choose to attend any event then a gift is in order.

Answer 9

Your friend is just pregnant. Frustrating as it is, pregnant women naturally become consumed by caring for themselves thus caring for the baby inside. It seems selfish but she really can't help it. It'll all make sense when you get pregnant, then you'll understand what I'm talking about and all her weird behaviour will make sense to you. I just had my 3rd kid last month. Trust me, you become crazy when you're pregnant. Totally not yourself. As for the gift, look up how to make a diaper cake. Its inexpensive and impressive at showers. More bang for your buck.

Answer 10

maybe she's always saying that she's too tired because she's pregnant! you could like make the gifts or something, like you could buy some blank picture frames and learn how to paint them. i know someone who makes those for herself, and they look really good! good luck!

alright, well, i'm sorry, i didn't understand it that way.