What should I do with my mother?

Question

I am 38 and the oldest of 4 girls, I just recently got married to a wonderful guy who treats me great, he is very kind and very loving (to everyone). My mother don't know him and refuses to get to know him, when she see's him she loves to be rude to him. I am not close to my mother because she is very controlling and acts like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum when she don't get her way or when I don't do exactly what she wants me to do.
We have a family reunion coming up, I do love my family and I will be attending, with my husband. I do not want my mother treating me or my husband like sh** when we are there. So what do I do or say to her to make her stop acting so immature? I want this cleared up before we go, I really do not want any scene's when we are there, and my mother thrives on that too - help????

When I stated that my husband is very loving, well he really is and I have never seen him be rude to anyone, I just can't image him being rude to anyone, even my mother when she is very rude to him. So him being rude is not the answer - remember 2 wrongs do not make a right

I am getting lots of goodanswers here, but I think I may need to give more details. My mother is so immature that she don't care if she is in a public plae or not, she will still be very rude and very mean. My 18 year old daughter asked my mother "Why don't you like him" My mother's responce - if "I ignore him maybe he will go away" my kids responce - "mmm they are married, I don't think that he is going to go away"
She don't care where she is or who she is with, she will be very rude, very mean and very immature.

Answer 1

I would let bygones be bygones. If you're not close to her, then her lack of acceptance of your husband is not detrimental to you, right? Just keep reassuring your husband that it's her, not him. The rest of the family accepts him, right???

The saying goes: "Give her enough rope to hang herself with." At the reunion, let your kind husband be his kind self and your immature mom be immature. I'm sure this is not a new behavior of her's. Thus, the people at the family reunion are well aware of how she can act. If she acts out, I bet you'll get a lot more support than you expect. Chances are, if she's rude to you (her daughter!) then she's probably been rude to family members.

Answer 2

I know it is hard to know what you mother is feeling. Why don't you ask her to lunch, so she can't be too rude in public.
Then say , mom exactly why do she does not like your husband. Let her talk. Then reply with what she has stated. Then say I would like to tell you I see you doing when you are around my husband. Be tactful , but honest. Tell her that with all the tension and rudiness you do not like being around her when she treats your husband this way. If you can't go to lunch write her a letter explaining your feeling and ask for a reply. Sometimes all the facts are not on the table for both mother and daughter. I know I had a heart to heart with my mother before she died concerning how she treated my brother and youngest sister, better than she did myself and my oldest sister. When I told her she said she did the best she could , but really never admitted she treated us differently. But it sure did make me feel better because I knew she knew all the facts. Good Luck

Answer 3

So...here you are almost 40 and letting your mother still have some control. If she is rude to your husband, then let your husband be a little rude in return. I'm sure that he could outclass her with just a little bit of a snub. If he ignores her rude remarks and you do also. That will take the fun out of the situation for her and she will have to regroup and think of other ways to get along. If she still refuses to quit acting like an a**, you can always cut ties with her for awhile. After all, it will be HER loss.

Answer 4

i think that you should be totally forward and open with your mother. you should tell her exactly how you feel about her actions towards you and your husband. she has no right to treat her son-in-law like crap. you need to tell her that you love this man and there is nothing that she can say or do to change the way you feel. as for your family reunion, if there are other people in the family that know how she treats your husband and how she acts like a 5 year old, you need to get all of these people together, including you and your husband and confront her with your feelings towards her actions.

Answer 5

Don't even try to change your mother's views. If she's been like this for forever, it'll be a waste of time to try to get your mom to change her ways. Your mom sounds like she has mental problems; my mom's mom acts the exact same way and we found that distancing ourselves from her worked. Try getting your mom to see a counselor or psychiatrist.

If that doesn't work, then just stay away from her and keep her away from your husband; it'll only cause grief for all of you and put strain on your relationship.

Answer 6

We all have to respect our mothers ...we do not have to respect rudeness whether it's towards us or we witness someone else doing it to another.

Set hubby a place setting right next to mums at the reunion...good place for him to ask her for a visit, out to lunch with the both of you, or perhaps camping/family vacation this summer.

Answer 7

I think you need to say something in the lines of mum this man means the world to me he treats me like a princess and we are in love i am the happiest i have ever been my whole life. and if you loved me you would be happy for me and be supportive of what ever i do in life instead of being over oppinionated and being rude to my partner and you should want to get to know the man who makes me happy and i plan to spend the rest of my life with. and if you disagree with me you need to seek professional help before you break up the family

Answer 8

Hey dear,
i know it is difficult, but if you can act somehow in a funny way.
I mean just tell her: "When you act as a child or you get mad, you are hurting only urself mom. And by that way you are making us more stronger in our marriage."
I hope it will work.
Sometimes unbeleivable ideas may work.

Answer 9

Mums can be embarrassing, can't they? I suggest you let the others have an idea of what to expect before hand so they can take whatever is thrown at them with some understanding humour

Answer 10

Just tell her that it will be unacceptable is does that sort of thing at the reunion and to grow up and act mature.