how can parents just disown and abandon their children? young and grown?

Question

Sorry, I didn't mean to offend anybody.

I understand that a child may have problems, but I was asking more about parents whose children may be disabled, drug addicts, or gay...and they just give them up.

Answer 1

I feel your pain, to make this short my sister kept having kids when she couldn't take care of one. Years down the road after having 5 kids they let themselves get homeless and the oldest 2 which have a different father were chosen to be given up and my parent's were in no situation to take on 2 kids at the time so she gave them to the fathers family (which were never in their lives) without telling anyone. And has not spoken to them or seen them in 5 years. Well the biggest reason is the family won't let her or any of us have anything to do with them because of her actions. It's pretty sad that 2 kids got taken away from a family that they always knew and were just abandoned because of the parents irresponsibility.

Answer 2

That's a good question. For the ones that get abandoned at a young age, even as young as infancy, it is my opinion that they didn't have enough or any support to get them through it, to let them know it would be okay or maybe it's what their parents did to them. The biggest factor in it is fear. As far as grown ups abandoning their grown children, there are bigger problems that occurred during adulthood otherwise why wouldn't they have abandoned them earlier in life. I'd attribute this to bad choices, either on the parents part or the child's. The child (grown of course) may have gotten into and made some bad life decisions and one person can't have but so many chances before everyone around them gives up on them (e.g. a drug problem that is affecting the family)

Answer 3

I have no idea. I've asked myself this question a lot. Both of my parents were raised by grandparents. The situations were not all the same, some work related, some alcohol related. When you get down to it, its either hardship or selfishness. My parents had amazing grandparents and I actually think it was a good thing for them. The values that they raised my parents with are still being passed on to my own children. They somehow came out of it with the ability not to make the same mistakes. I think that's the most important part of it. Not to continue the legacy, let the buck stop here! After becoming a mother myself, this question became even more perplexing. I could never, ever leave my own children.

Answer 4

I agree with all the comments above and your concern about this problem. I would ask that you consider this though, my daughter who turned 18 this year up and moved out and will not accept any help from us. She quit 1/2 way through her senior year because she started dating a homecoming king from a different school and they wanted to get married, although he leaves in June for the military. She flunked all her classes and we tried to get her in the job corps program. She is bipolar, and will do very well for a long time, but then out of nowhere, does something totally outrageous. We have tried to save her many, many times because as her parents we have always felt responsible. We have two other kids that did not receive the same amount of attention she demanded, and although they are resentful of her, they are also understanding. When she left, it was a relief for them because they could finally have a life. She refuses at this time to accept our help, so we have basically given up as we cannot make her do anything since she's 18. I'm sure everyone who doesn't know us well judges us harshly for giving up, but you can't always be dictated to be your kid if you want a life because for the last 10 years, we haven't really had one other than the fear of what she did that day. So, to close, unless you live with the people and see everything going on, try not to judge people harshly because family dynamics can be very complicated and it isn't always the parents fault.

Answer 5

I do not meant to offend anybody and I did not abandon any children, but some people relinquish custody of their children because they realize that they are not fit to be parents and they know that their children would have better lives with other family members or even being adopted by other people.

Answer 6

Young - I dont know!! Grown - I believe I understand. IF the child has had numerous problems with drug, alcohol, abandoning their own children, etc. and you've tried everything and they just won't be responsible I know of people that have just given up and said "I'm done" and I can understand that.

Answer 7

in the case of grown children, not easily but justified if the child(ren) despite coming from a loving supportive home, make bad even dangerous life choices that end up costing the parents more than money; having to focus on the the child who is on and out of trouble kind of leaves the other kids in the cold. when the parents try to be firm with the wayward kid, mom and dad are guilted into 'not turning their back' on the troubled (grown)child time and again.

sometimes you have to drop them on their @ss to get them to grow up, as harsh as that sounds.

Answer 8

It is illegal to just abandon your children beneath the age of eighteen. There are services that can help you with most any aspect of family issues and, some are free depending on your financial status. they can be found through your local Social Service Department. Adult children when are mentally and, physically capable of taking care of themselves are no longer the responsibility of a parent unless court ordered IE college ETC!

Answer 9

Your not in their shoes so you shouldn't judge them.Everyone has their reasons.Some selfish some unselfish.I had only one child and never could of given him up. So he didn't have everything he wanted but he did have everything he needed. Single parents sometimes give up their children thinking they'll have a better life.You'll never know the reasons why.

Answer 10

Maybe the kids go against their parents wishes so that's why they get disowned or abandoned.