Should i ask my fiance family to pay for anything?

Question

We are getting married in June. We are paying for mostly everything. my family is helping out with decorations, flowers, and other little things. My gandmother wanted to help so we told her she could do the reherasl dinner if she wanted to, and she was really glad she could help out. i know the grooms family is supposed to pay for the rehersal dinner, but every time we talk to them they dont even metion the wedding or ask if they can help. its not that they dont like us being together, they love me. but they are the kind of people if it does not directly effect them they dont care. should we ask them for help, we could uses it, . Or should i just not worry about it. oh by the way they havent even made plans to come down here yet, get a hotel or anything. they expect to stay at our house, and me and him get a hotel. i am not really complaining, we dont mnd getting a hotel, and our house is big enough for all them to stay there, so it is like our gift to them so they dont have to pay for a hotel room. because 1 room is better than having to find them 10. but should people expect that, i just find them to be rude.

Answer 1

Dear Andy:
I would have to say that it sounds to me as if his family knows that if they ignore the issue, they won't be asked. I've heard WAY too many stories of family members that try to make another relatives' wedding more about themselves & what they want as opposed to what the happy couple wants. THAT is rudeness I would never tolerate. I commend you greatly on being so gracious as to offer his family your home to use while they visit; sounds like they are good at being free-loaders. I would ask them, out-right. Be polite, of course, but ask if they can help pay for something specific, like 1/2 of the catering, or 1/2 of the hall rental. Be specific on what you want help with, or they'll find more excuses. There is no shame these days in asking BOTH families to pitch in; it's only courtesy, after all. If they can't help, or worse, won't help, I would suddenly find your home unable to accomodate them when they come in for the wedding ( make up whatever excuse you need to) and that they are going to need to find & pay for their own hotel rooms; why, they may ask? Because you & your family are not MADE of money. That way, you find some small method of squeezing some small cost out of them! Best of luck; have a WONDERFUL wedding!

Answer 2

Normally as you said the grooms family pays for the rehersal dinner, but they also pay for all the flowers, at least that is what we were told when I got married. If your grandma wants to do the dinner that is fine too. But on the hotel thing, I think they should get a hotel especially since they havent offered to help with anything. They shouldn't kick you out of your house just so they wont have to pay for a hotel room. That sounds a little silly, but if you and your fiance dont mind I dont see what the problem would be. Good luck to you and Congrats!!

Answer 3

As tradition goes, the father of the bride is usually the guy who pays for the wedding, but wedding cost too much these days. The way I see it, both parties should be carrying the cost of the wedding regardless of tradition. I always thought the people who gets married be carrying the cost of the wedding since they are the ones who are inviting people to their wedding. However, regarding your question, I would talk to your to be husband about how you feel about the situation. And ask him if he could talk to his parents how they can benefit the wedding somehow. I am surprised, that your significant other did not discuss to you and his parents before about this situation. Yes, I think it is rude of anyone who stays at the groom and bride's place during and after the wedding. I find that disrespectful. When my inmeditate family got married, we, the rest of the family, would find other places to stay even at camp sites which are much cheaper than hotels. Maybe ask around to see if anyone else have room for them, or offer them a hotel or campsites. Congratulations on the wedding thing, and good luck.

Answer 4

You shouldn't ask anyone to contribute to your wedding costs. If financial help is volunteered, like your grandmother and your parents, great! If your future in-laws wanted to help out financially, I'm sure they would have said something by now. Maybe they just don't have the money, or they are too cheap to help out. Whatever their reasoning - don't ask, they would be offended. Ordinarily they only pay for the rehearsal dinner, their travel and hotel arrangements, their attire, and a gift for you two. Your grandmother has already volunteered to pay for the rehearsal dinner, so that lets them off the hook. Your only other option would be to have your fiancee ask his parents if they have started planning the rehearsal dinner, and see what they say. If they don't balk at planning and paying for it then gramma can help financially with other things.

As far as their staying at your house - I think that's very rude that they expect you two to get a hotel. However, you will probably feel more comfortable not having all those people around when you're trying to get ready for your wedding.

Good luck, and congrats on your upcoming nuptials.

Answer 5

Well, they may be uncomfortable about discussing what they can or cannot afford. Even if they live well, there is no telling if there is money to spare. Do not put them in the embarrassing position of having to decline your request for help. The wedding should be arranged and paid for by the bride's parents, with or without the help of the couple. The groom's parents should not be asked to contribute. They are guests at the wedding and guests should not be required to pay. If they offer to help, accept whatever help they give, but don't feel bad if they do not offer. Just be glad they can attend the wedding.

Try to remember this is your big day. Don't let it be ruined by what they do or do not do. Their attendance at the wedding should be enough, and should not be interpreted. Years from now, you may become aware of what the reason was that they did not become more involved. If your finance wants to have a talk with his mom and dad, so be it. But, you will come off looking like a sweet and gracious young lady if you do not mention it or even seem to notice.

Best wishes!

Answer 6

You can always ask for help from his family! He though, should be the one doing the asking! It is your wedding and it's interesting his family is taking over your house, more over kicking you out. There is no way to pack everything you may need for the big day! You may need your house just to have everything you need. I also assume that you will be leaving after the wedding for a honeymoon and his family will be staying another night in your house, meaning as soon as your back, you will have the job of cleaning it up. I would suggest arranging hotel rooms for his side of the family, as well as your own.

Answer 7

Have you asked his family flat out if they'll host the rehearsal dinner? If you have, and they've said no, then go to option B, but I wouldn't ask someone else to host it until the groom's family has had the chance to refuse to.

And if you and your fiance don't want them staying at your house, then HE needs to tell HIS FAMILY that they will need to get some other accommodations for when they're in town for the wedding, that your home will not be open to them this time, but that you'd love to have them come and stay in the future. I always allow my husband to deal with the issues involving his side of the family, and I deal with the ones involving MY side of the family. You need to clear this up first with your fiance, then have him clear it up with his family. Good luck!

I had to add this note, my brother and his wife had her younger brother staying at their house. After their wedding and reception, they went home (rather than paying for a hotel room that night--they saved the $$ for their honeymoon), to find said brother and a group of his buddies drunker than skunks, and trashing the house. Not saying that his family would be THAT disrespectful to you and your new hubby, but you're honestly NOT going to want them at your house, unless you've already planned on staying in a hotel that night.

Answer 8

It is rude that his family hasn't mentioned anything, I know that with a rehersal dinner, it should be just for the parties in the wedding. I would (this time) invite them to stay at your house which is a nice gesture, but in the future, maybe to keep them at arm's length on things that need to be planned or financially planned. I personally would rather handle everything instead of depending on people whom I know may not be on my side with things, you know? Good Luck!

Answer 9

I would ask them if they would like to help with anything. Just frame it that you didn't want to leave them out, so you thought you would just ask them. The worst they can say is no, and if you keep it a little light they shouldn't feel like they have to or anything.

No, people should not expect you to find a place for them to stay if they are traveling for your wedding. You can reserve a block of rooms and pass that information along to your out-of-town guests but I don't think you have to go any further than that.

Happy planning!!!!

Answer 10

howdy, and congrats!! I truthfully have some attitude that i wish you'll locate effective. searching ahead to enthusiasm or help out of your relations is like knocking on a wall and searching ahead to someone to respond to it, or going fishing and hoping to seize a chicken. you do not purchase a short, black gown and then ***** that that's no longer purple and lengthy ... ideal? you may want to settle for them as they're, hon. For even with their causes, they don't choose you to get married. perhaps they imagine you're too youthful, or that you aren't any more waiting, perhaps they want you would dye your hair purple and then that they'd sense free ... you comprehend what I mean. (hi, you reported they were loopy :D) somewhat of knocking on a wall searching ahead to an answer, why no longer do this: concentration on everywhere you get the most constructive, satisfied, warmth and entirely satisfied capacity. in case your in-regulations are good human beings, then turn your capacity there. of course, keep in contact such as your relations, yet do no longer anticipate some thing from them anymore. they have made it clean what their opinion is, and they are no longer gonna change it. call them once a week, ask after their well being, hows the elements, how's the dogs ... that form of aspect, and at the same time as they ask about the marriage, with a grin on your voice, only say, "each little thing's high-quality." <~~~ go away IT AT THAT. do not supply any records, do not attempt to have interaction them in it, do not even carry it up till they do first, and then supply them my pleasant, satisfied, patented 2 be conscious reply, "each little thing's high-quality." in case you may want to draw close this idea and carry onto it, that's going to serve you over your lifetime. you may want to look at issues as they're, no longer how they were the day earlier in the present day or very last week, or the way you want they were, and then you may want to regulate your responses to issues as they change. no more suitable wall knocking for you :D better of success !!!