How does a woman adapt to a totally different lifestyle?

Question

I am dating this guy who happens to be a doctor. Now the problem is i now live a rather average lifestyle and i dont care about material items in the least, i am usually the kind of person to give whatever money i have to someone else if they need help. Now this doctor wants to be with me in a long term sense but i dont know if i can adapt to his more luxurious life, i would feel kind of dumb if he gives me things and wants to take me shopping or whatever. I just need some advice on how to deal with this weird feeling of guilt in a way and to know if it is natural for me to have a hard time with this.

Answer 1

You're not his wife yet dear. Until that day comes, each of you should pay their own way. You're an adult, right? You have a job, right? Also, you don't want to start depending on little luxuries which could disappear overnight.

You haven't mentioned what you mean by "be" with him in a long term sense. Are you his mistress? You are if you accept expensive gifts and if you are having an intimate relationship with him. As a lady, one can accept flowers, candy, a book, something along those lines. But if you are participating in luxury living then you'd better start questioning something, i.e., that age-old question. There's a reason parents used to ask the suitor, "And what are your intentions?"

Answer 2

I agree with almost all of these responses. The key is to tell your doctor friend in the same words you used here. If he chose to be a physician, that means that human problems are important to him. So he'd be unlikely to turn on you and belittle you. I'm guessing that would NOT be his response.
Make sure he knows you want to be yourself, and you don't want to change. If he's worthwhile, he'll be kind and understanding, and he will really mean it when he says he'll support your attitudes throughout your long marriage.
Good luck.

Answer 3

It's easier for someone who isn't big on material things and money to adjust to having those things, than for someone who is used to having them to adjust to not having them.

There's no reason you cannot continue to be yourself...talk to him about your feelings so he'll understand and hopefully not misconstrue how you feel if he doesn't get the reaction he expects upon giving you a gift or taking you some place special.

There's no reason to feel guilt, or feel "dumb" if he gives you gifts or wants to take you shopping. If you don't care to go shopping then let him know...if you prefer gifts be saved for special occasions then let him know...communication is the key.

Answer 4

It's totally natural to feel that way. You grew up giving to others and now it's your turn to be the one getting things. All you can really do is tell your boyfriend that he can show his love in other ways rather than always buying you things. And try not to get to used to it, the more you get used to always recieving things, the more you might become spoiled.

Answer 5

I feel your pain! That is a difficult one, and before things get too serious one that you have to consider because I don't think it is going to go away with time. I like the simple lifestyle, and I would find it difficult if he also like to entertain people with big fancy dinners where you are expected to interact on topics you may have no idea about.
Just be yourself is my offer.

Answer 6

Just tell him how you really feel. He'll appreciate it... Chances are he's come from that background too and knows what it's like.

Answer 7

i would talk to him and explain to him what is going on, maybe he will understand and then slow down or just let you decide the pace and maybe even help with your adjustment