my husband is a recovering alcoholic and has been clean for 9 months. Our family's Easter celebration is going to held at my sister's home and she drinks alcohol and is expecting in-laws and friends who do the same. my husband is hesitant to attend because he is still "weak" and sometimes still wants to drink (we have 4 children) but thinks about what he'd be losing. so this is my question: am I wrong in not attending and supporting his decision and spending Easter with my husband and kid's or is my family right in saying that I should go to my sister's for a while anyway? (and i don't want to hurt my sister's feelings by asking for the celebration to be moved to another's home. and i don't want to offend her by asking for a no alcohol day.)
2007-04-05 04:18:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No, you would be doing the right thing in staying home with your husband and kids and celebrating at home where there is no alcohol. The first year is the hardest and between 6-12 months even more so, because there is the sense success that they have achieved up to that point.
You sister and her family isn't right in just saying to "just go for a little while anyway", but it is only because unless you have ever lived with an alcoholic, you can't really grasp the concept of the damage it could do to your husband's sobriety and the end result on your immediate family.
The hardest thing for someone who is trying to stay sober is to be around alcohol in a social setting where they previously imbibed (even not to the extreme) and will be told to avoid them.
Even if he resists temptation and doesn't drink that day, it will likely make him feel like freak, like there is something wrong (alcoholics do not have the normal "stop" that other people do; they usually have a high tolerence to chemicals overall)with them and why they can't just have one and be done with it like everyone else. It can start the building of resentment for him to fall off the wagon as he may try to have "just one" in another former setting where he used to drink to "test" himself.
Even worse, you may have some well-meaning but uneducated relatives that will say "Awh, come on, one beer isn't going to kill you after 9 months of not drinking" and he will give into the social pressure.
If your sister has always had alcohol at her social functions, then it is not a good idea to ask her to not offer it unless everyone in the entire family that will be attending is ok with it in advance to not have it at family gatherings in the future, otherwise, there is always some oaf that seems to make a comment about it not being able to have a beer just because somebody else has a problem and it isn't fair.
2007-04-05 04:33:17 · answer #1 · answered by bottleblondemama 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If your husband knows he's still that week, then I don't think it's wrong at all for you not to attend. Just explain this to your sister. It's quite possible she will offer to have non alcoholic drinks only that day to support your husband's recovery, but if not, you shouldn't feel hurt because you don't want to attend. You can have your own Easter celebration at your home without the alcohol.
2007-04-05 04:25:41 · answer #2 · answered by 2Beagles 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
It would be wrong for you to ask your sister or anyone else not to have alcohol just because your husband is a recovering alcoholic..That is part of his recovery and your husband need's to learn hot to deal with temptation and turn it away...There is no reason for you & your husband & children not to go to your sisters and celebrate easter..You cannot shelter your husband for the rest of his life..I know this may sound harsh to you but it is just the facts..And to be very honest if your husband cannot go and celebrate a holiday with family for a few hours and not drink alcohol then Maybe he need's to be in rehab.It is not fair for your children to have to suffer because your husband doesn't think that he can control himself.You need to realize that your husband is the one that need's to learn how to be in a family and socialize without alcohol..If you don't go to your sisters and celebrate easter then all you are doing is enabling your husband to be weak and you are robbing your children the simply joy of celebrating a holiday with family..If your husband can't handle going then he need's to stay home but you and your children need to go..Good Luck & Best Wishes..
2007-04-05 05:19:09 · answer #3 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best thing to do is for you two to associate with an A.A. group fellowship/ members that may be having a function as they do practically on each given Holiday. Because at his amount of clean time is barely scratching the surface. Such fellowships as the one mentioned welcome members loved ones! The events get better as time progresses and the urge to use becomes less as well. I personally recommend attending a bunch of them. Or even become part of the committees,that hold regular meetings. They are the people that really are involved in the operations of the fellowship as a whole. But it doesn't end there.There's also regional,and national conventions that are tops as is world conventions! Ask your relatives if they'd like to attend in order to be together on Easter and if they will (which usually is not common) it's a start regarding their desire.
2007-04-05 04:39:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
He's ALWAYS gonna want a drink. My sister has been sober for 23 years, she tells me she wants a drink every single day of her life. It didn't stop her from coming home when our parents died. Dad died on the day she got her 3 month chip. She was 3 months sober, came home, sat with us while we had our drinks and survived the ordeal.
He's not going to be able to avoid it forever. Go, take him, don't drink, and ask your sister not to offer him any alcohol. But go. He needs to get out and get used to saying "No" to temptation.
**edit**
It's just wrong to ask people who don't have a problem to stop doing something they've done for years. Would you stop washing your hair if he went bald? He's NEVER going to not want a drink. He's an addict. You're both old enough to understand that the world is NOT going to bend to meet his needs.
2007-04-05 04:57:53 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You absolutely do not need to go to this party. You are correct in spending this time with you husband and kids. I would tell your sister why you are not attending. You have to put your family first and right now the best thing for your family is supporting you husband and his recovery.
2007-04-05 04:33:05 · answer #6 · answered by Johnny S 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Don't baby him....learning to say no is for -all- when something innappropriate is going on or offered up to us.
Part of his healing process and the family as well...is to realize that others have a life and rotating around the drinker needs to stop also.
2007-04-05 05:21:50 · answer #7 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if your sister doesn't understand your husband's illness and weakness, she is living in a bubble.
your husband needs to protect himself, and if exposing himself to others who drink is a temptation, he needs to stay home.
don't worry about hurting your sister's feelings... it's YOUR family and YOUR life.... do what is best for you... apparently she is doing what is best for her -- drinking.
doesn't make sense for her to become upset over your personal choices.
take care and have a nice Easter
2007-04-05 04:35:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-02 05:26:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU NEED TO SUPPORT HIM and with your whole family you can stay home and have a nice time also they should have known better to do this and if they were concerned they would have.
2007-04-08 16:50:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋