i live with my mum and her bf at his house for years i am unemplyed and wish to god i could afford to move out. He thinks i think i own the house and is not easy to get along with we fight sometimes once really bad to the point where i almost got kicked out. i cant stand him. if i say anything that bothers me about him like washing his hands after the toilet and then cooks dinner , i just get yelled at to shut up. At the start he was a pain in the a...... so it has just kind of stuck. what should i do?
2007-04-05 02:43:40 · 13 answers · asked by ஐButterfly Effectஐ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
i havent met my real father yet we have only been in contact about a year ago and write e-mails. my mum tells me to shut up or move out.
2007-04-05 02:50:50 · update #1
maybe you and your mother and the (stupid) boyfriend could all sit down and talk. ask them if they could make a time for this.
CALMLY ask them to listen and then tell them how you feel... starting sentences with "I feel...." and not accusing THEM or him of anything in particular is usually the best way.
tell them you feel disconnected from them, as if you are in the way, and that you feel it would be better to stop the fighting, but trying to talk problems over, instead.
before you talk, maybe write down your feelings, and then you will have something to go by -- you have to explore your feelings first... talk later.
sometimes it's difficult dealing with immature adults... it sounds like that is what you're living with -- i feel badly for you, i really do.
i don't know if my suggestion would work....
you could also suggest family counseling so your mother, her boyrfiend and you could learn some sound communication skills.
take care.. i hope things work out and that you get some good advice here... many hugz
2007-04-05 03:17:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are living at his place, then you have to live by his rules.
As far as him not washing his hands after he uses the toilet, did you ask him to wash his hands and be nice about it, or just go off on him about washing his hands? It all depends on how you ask or talk to someone.
Your mom isn't helping either. She is on his side, instead of making the right choice. I think she is affraid she will be kicked out as well, if she disagrees, or she is affraid she will be abused later.
The only option is to move out. See about living with a friend or your father. If you do leave though, and you get stuck financially, you probably won't be allowed to move back in, I just get that feeling about it, and your mom would probably block you from coming back.
Of course, if you are under 18, and your mom has sole custody of you, then you are kinda stuck. What you can do is talk to child services and see if they can help, but then you might be stuck in a foster home until you are 18.
If you are older than 18, and out of High School, then you do need to get a job, and get out on your own. There are oppertunities out there, and one would be to join the military. They will provide you everything you need.
2007-04-05 10:03:47 · answer #2 · answered by George P 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your an adult ..who need a reality check!
Perhaps you should consider getting a job so you can move out. Regardless of how you feel about the things he does, it's
his house, his food, he's apparently cooking it for you too.
So where do you think you have a right to tell him how he should do things? If you don't like it you don't have to be there, you are an adult.
Appreciate the fact this man (who is not your father) has
taken over supporting and feeding you all these years.
Time you do him the favor and get a job and find your own place where you can make your own rules.
He deserves your thanks not your critisum for his generosity.
2007-04-05 10:11:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you are old enough to be living on your own and are living with your mom because you are unable to financially support yourself, then what you should be expressing is gratitude. Instead of focusing on everything you don't like about your mom's live-in, sit down and write something positive about him, use each letter of the alphabet - like A=able bodied.
Then focus on what is positive and you will feel better about your whole situation until you are able to financially support yourself. Your mom and boyfriend probably feel some resentment toward you as they are providing a home for you and all you can do is find something to complain about instead of something to be thankful for.
You can change your attitude. You can't change how they do things. So, it's up to you.
2007-04-05 09:54:50 · answer #4 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would find a job ASAP. Try addressing the issue with mom. If he cooks the meal without being sanitary, don't eat it go run an "errand" and pick something up.Try spending more time with friends outside the home.Get involved in drama basically spend less time at home but don't get yourself into trouble.Keep a humble attitude when you're there.Good luck!!!
2007-04-05 10:33:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Browse the job market and start filling out those applications...it isn't a smart idea to become codependent on the government. You might also want to consider the feeling of being blessed there is a roof over your head at present.
2007-04-05 12:18:24 · answer #6 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's crazy!! I will never understand how women choose their men over their children! It doesn't matter how old you are, you are still her child but just to avoid problems, I would suggest you try to keep to yourself now that you know your mothers priorities. Like everyone says, if you are old enough, then yes move out. If not, try to find afterschool activities or such just to stay as much away from home as possible. Good Luck!!
2007-04-05 10:13:51 · answer #7 · answered by Blue 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This should seriously be discussed with your mom. I can understand the rule of going by someone else's rules if living in their house, but not to be treated badly. As young as you are, and limited with options right now, your mom should be the one to step up to the plate and figure out a way to keep things calm and discuss things with the both of you. It can also be personality clashes, and she should see and understand that too. As long as she doesn't put him over you, that's the key right there.
2007-04-05 09:48:38 · answer #8 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Look for a job or some type of government help to get you out. There are all kinds of programs available.
2007-04-05 09:48:37 · answer #9 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You didn't say how old you are so I am limited on giving you advice.If you are an adult I suggest you get a job and move out..
2007-04-05 09:51:22 · answer #10 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋