my boyfriend and i are both 32, we have been living together for 2 years now. in the beginning we had sex 1 or 2 a week, bc he always said he was tired, then after a year, we only have sex when i initiate it. i feel very rejected if i start kissing him, touching and he says something like he is not in the mood, r simply doesnt want it, so i have quit. sex now is reduced to 1 a month.
i cant stop confronting him on this matter, all he says is that he doesnt feel good about sex, he says that after sex he feels very bad.
please dont saythings like hes gay, he has someone else...this is not the case here.
he has been taking efexor for 2 years, has been in psychotherapy for 8 years...
what should i make of this????
2007-04-05 00:21:01 · 9 answers · asked by dear 2 in Health ➔ Mental Health
Stop confronting him. Get off his case. Move on, this guy has enough problems without you coming on a public forum and airing his problems.
2007-04-05 00:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
He should see about trying something different, and 8 yrs is a LONG time to be in psychotherapy. Therapists have a vested interest in keeping their clients attending sessions: it not only pays their bills, but makes them feel useful as well. I would strongly suggest a full review of the situation, changing therapists/ therapy types, and practicing meditation, yoga and Tai Chi. Is it for depression? If so, I would see a doctor, in case it was thyroid related, and get advice about tapering off, unless clinically depressed, when a change of medication may be indicated. Studies have shown that for non clinical depression, medication is only slightly more effective than placebos (sugar pills). I would take St. John's Wort (telling my doctor, as it can affect other medication), a vitamin B complex, and 4 fish oil supplements daily. Work up slowly to 30 - 60 mins of vigorous exercise, preferably in sunlight, daily, eat healthily, and keep occupied. Practice for 15 - 20 mins, the mindfulness breathing method at http://www.dbtselfhelp.com or gaze at a burning candle in a quiet, darkened room for 20 mins, both daily. Best results are achieved by doing these, morning, afternoon, and evening (the breathing method can be used in the lunch break, if working). Tai Chi & yoga suit some (http://www.yogasite.com).Try a therapist using Cognitive Behavior Therapy; see http://www.nacbt.org Sitting back, taking pills, and indulging in a talkfest for 8 years is unlikely to produce results: time for a more proactive approach. Exercise and do the other things with him as much as possible, and provide encouragement and support. Then, when he starts to show some interest in sex, ask about his fantasies, and try to stimulate them by dressing as a nurse, or a prostitute, or schoolgirl, for example. In the meantime, get a vibrator, and be patient with him; it will take time.
2007-04-05 01:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by CLICKHEREx 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I sympathise with your situation and I know it is very hard to keep putting yourself through this type of rejection. Many anti-depressants or mood-altering medications do have an effect on a person's sex drive. My intuition here is to seek marriage counselling, as you are clearly not happy (I do not blame you !!). I really would go from there and also .. most importantly .. remain true to yourself in the meantime.
2007-04-05 01:33:34 · answer #3 · answered by square_dotzz 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
it's definitely the effexor! trust me.. I have experience in this because I was on effexor for awhile.. I had absolutely no interest in sex with my wife during the time I was on that medication.. it also made my brain feel weird (I don't know how else to describe it).. but I didn't like the way it made me feel, so I weened myself off of it.. it's not good to quit it suddenly.. anyway, after I quit taking it I became much more interested in sex again..
2007-04-05 00:30:53 · answer #4 · answered by Byakuya 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like something you shouldn't take personally as it has to do with his mental state of being as well as the medication he's on. I can only imagine how frustrated and rejected you must feel...but it's not that he doesn't want to...it's just that he can't motivate himself to have sex. Has he brought this up to his doctor?? Was he sexually abused as a kid? (this may have a LOT to do with it).
2007-04-05 00:30:29 · answer #5 · answered by auntcookie84 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Probably his meds, and depression will be a good reason not to want sex...ask him if he is trying to be a good Christian? Maybe his concience is bothering him, and he feels bad...not that he doesn't enjoy it, but he feels really guilty..if this is the case, and you really love him, tell him you will respect that wish, and that you love him dearly and will stand by him this way...
2007-04-05 03:22:56 · answer #6 · answered by MotherKittyKat 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
One of the side effects when taking effexor, is no interest in having sex. Most antidepressants will kill your sex drive. From somebody whom has been on several antidepressants. It is not his fault.
2007-04-05 01:05:54 · answer #7 · answered by kiki 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
By right, sex isnt the right thing to do. The best one is to get married before doing it. After all, having sex isnt actually fun. Tell him your feelings so that he can, at least, understand how you feel.
2007-04-05 01:24:31 · answer #8 · answered by Karolynn (: 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
effexor could be the problem..ask the doctor...maybe he could switch to wellbutrin
2007-04-05 00:28:04 · answer #9 · answered by Girl with Kaleidoscope Eyes 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋