please help!! i don't know what to do (part 2)?

Question

hi
for all those of you that helped me before i would like to say a big thankyou!! i appreciate you all for taking your time to write all this good advice.
some of you asked how old i was and whether i was still at school... well i am 15 going on 16 and my friend is the same.. we are both in our last year of school and she is getting worse as days goes on
i read some peoples advice... and i decided to tell her mum everything and she wants to take her to hospital but she doesn't want to go.... she ran away from home the other day- which isn't good
she has done more self harm latley!! and i can't sleep at all because i am worried for her and she is my best friend... i just don't know what to do.... but thankyou everyone for writing such meaningful comments
again, thankyou!!! it means a lot!!!
xxxxxx

Answer 1

It might not feel like it, but you did the right thing telling her mum - this is too big for anyone to handle alone - I know you're not that young but you are too young to have to deal with all this yourself.

How are things between your friend and her mum? I might be totally wrong here, but if her mum didn't know about her being this sick already, and didn't imediately take her to the hospital when you told her what was going on, it sounds like maybe there's a problem there? Do you know why your friend started to feel like this? Sometimes people feel like this only because they are sick, but could she have been bullied or abused or anything like that? Do you think that that could still be going on? You were absolutely right to tell her mum, but now maybe it would help to tell someone outside her family as well? Maybe your mum or dad if you have them or a teacher at school - someone you can trust and talk this through with; as I said before childline is a good place to ask for help too - I know you probably don't feel like a child, but they will still help you. Her mum might be finding it really tough accepting that this is happening to her daughter and maybe she need some support too - another adult would be able to do this. Remember that by being such a good friend you are really important for her - if she runs away or gets into trouble you might be the one she calls - that's really important and you are important.

It sounds like you are being a fantastic friend and you are doing a lot for her, but remember to look after yourself as well. It's hard when you're this worried about someone to think about anything else, but just try to take a bit of time for yourself - you're not letting her down by taking a break, you're actually helping her more by making sure that you don't get sick too. Give yourself a treat - a piece of cake or something like that, watch your favorite movie, go for a walk - it doesn't matter as long as you do something you'll enjoy, even just for half an hour.

Good luck - keep doing what you are doing - you are doing the right thing. Thinkin of you xxx

Answer 2

I looked at both your questions to see what the problem was and I'm glad I did. I had anorexia/bulimia for 22 years. I am very lucky to be alive, and I thank God for that. Anorexia and self mutilation both are caused by underlying problems. In my case I was sexually abused by my father and uncle. You mentioned your friend was hospitalized at one point. Did she follow up with some counseling or support groups? You mentioned your friend is suicidal, and really anorexia is a slow form of suicide. You have gone to her mother, and it seems like she has maybe not taken it very seriously. If you are in the US your family can actually commit you to a mental hospital where they will force feed you. Since she is only 16 they could do that or get a mental inquest warrant and have her hospitalized since she is a danger to herself. SHE WILL EVENTUALLY DIE FROM ANOREXIA IF IT ISN'T TREATED. Does she have a good or bad home situation? If I were you and her mother didn't take any action I would go to the school counselor and tell him/her about it. They should be able to contact the proper authorities. When you have anorexia you always have a very poor conception of what you look like and your self-esteem is low. You just don't see things in the proper perspective. I got down to 69 pounds and still felt like I was fat.Most, but not all, anorexics are high achievers and perfectionists. I only quit the anorexia/bulimia when I got away from my uncle and dad. Please keep in mind that it is an illness and you did nothing to cause it. Keep me informed, and let me know what's going on. I will keep both you and your friend in my prayers. Lots of Luck!!!!!

Answer 3

It seems she has some major issues with her body. I have suffered from dysmorphia on and off for many years now and have disocovered that I feel better about my appearance when someone I care about makes me feel good.
Try to get some really hot guys to tell her how goods she looks and that she does not need to get thinner. If people she finds attractive tell her she is pretty then she will get a better self image and not want to harm herself or become thinner.
I hope she gets better soon. You are a good friend.

Answer 4

Let your friend know that like her parents that you are concerned about her well-being.

The fact that she is harming herself is a good reason for her to go to the hospital. I don't know what the laws are in the UK about something like this but I know that there are laws here in the U.S. that says that if someone is endangering themselves or others that they can be sent to the hospital any way even if they don't want to go.

If you can get your friend to tell you what is going on (if she can pinpoint a specific reason) that is the first step in trying to get her some help.

Talk to your parents as well about the concern with your best friend and again to her parents.

Answer 5

Try L tryptophan ( a natural product ), or Valerian root, or Sleepytime or Chamomile tea to help you sleep, but avoid melatonin, or OTC remedies, like Nyquil, or Tylenol PM. In bed, after lights out, practice the mindfulness breathing method at http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/ Teach it to your friend, or refer her to that site: 15 - 20 mins daily, or when needed, can help, but it is a good way of drifting off to sleep, as well.

Answer 6

you need to talk to her, she's your best friend she will listen, you need to tell her to go to the hospital before she does something really bad. Get her by herself and ask her why she is self harming herself, if you can find out why you can sort the problem
cheers

Answer 7

You sound like a good friend. Be supportive but remember you cannot save her she needs medical help and love from you all. I hope you can stop worrying as this is not good for you/ x

Answer 8

Hi,
i think you made the right decison for her and yourself to tell her parents..it's natural for you to worry but it's not in your hands huni, you aren't the adult. I think she needs to be taken in against her will...because other wise I think she will probably do even more harm to herself than she currently is. I hope thinks get sorted out soon!
Best of luck!
x

Answer 9

at least now her parents are aware so all you can do is be there for her well done

Answer 10

And we thank you for caring about your friend.