My son has no friends!?

Question

Where do I begin? My son never had problems until about 3 or 4 years ago. He's never been shy and trys to make friends. I even put him in karate to help his confiedence. He is also on a baseball team. His teachers tell me he crys alot over little things like not being picked to answer a question. Kids pick on him because he don't run fast and he says they call him names like sissy. The teachers alos tell me he gets along better with adults, but I can see why, afterall, adults won't pick on him. the only child to play with is a girl cousin and she picks on him and bosses him around(but that is another matter.) He crys alot because he has no friends and it is breaking my heart. He has seen a counsler, but nothing changed. I am out of ideas on what to do. Kids come to his birthday, but it is mainly for the free food and they still ignore him. I really worry what the long term effects will be on him. He is only 10. I think about him turning to drugs, alchol, and even suicide.

My son loves karate and baseball and I don't have GED so I can't homeschool and we can't afford to send him to another school and also he does talk to me, I am the only one he will talk to.

Oh, I have talked to the principa and board of education and all i get is "i will look int it"

Answer 1

I am 12 years old, and I have encountered a lot of drama/relationship/friendship problems. I can feel what your son is going through. Kids always, and i mean ALWAYS find a way to pick on someone, or put them down. What you need to do (to boost his confidence) is to tell him that all of the other kids are mean to him because they are jealous of him (which may be the case). Tell him that he is awesome, and tell himt o go to school and blow off what everyone says to him. Say soething along the lines of "You go and be you, if they have a problem with you, that's there fault. If they don't want to be friends with you, they are missing out."

After you boost his confidence, make sure you tell him to be REALLY nice to all of the kids, and for a starter, see if there is one kid that he could maybe hang out with (at school). Maybe they could eat lunch together.

If all of the other kids see that he has friends, and that someone is hanging out with them, they might think different of him, and be nice to him.

I hope I helped, and I wish the best to you and your son.

Answer 2

I have suggested this idea several times and I would hope someone would try it.I felt that each grade should have a buddy system where new students, shy students etc could be paired up for recess ,trips ,projects etc. so they have a friend at school.The most outgoing and/or popular students can always make friends.Teachers could buddy up the students based on how they interact in class.Sometimes the new/shy child just needs a little push to find a friend.It is devastating in gym class when teams are picked and you are the child no one wants and are always picked last.Maybe teams could be picked by random selection by the teacher instead of the mean spirited system in place when my daughters went to school.I would try get him in a youth club like scouts. Friendships are made, there is team and individual components and you learn about teamwork and setting goals. I think this environment is different than a sports team and is a good place to learn some social skills.Sensitive children are unfortunately easy targets. Try to stay positive and reassure your child each day.Ask your son if there are any clubs he would like to join.Good luck.

Answer 3

First of all, you don't need a GED to homeschool. I really think it would help him soooooo much. Just pull your son out and give him a break for the next few months. Find a homeschool group that meets in the park and let your son relax and meet some kids who as a group are very very unlikely to tease.

You are right to be very concerned. Your child is not being helped by the school environment.

Don't let kids who ignore him remain in your house. I would shut down a party where kids were ignoring my son. "thank you, no, we don't feed people who abuse my kid, thank you, take your lack of common decency and go home."

It is a terrible heartache and I'm so sorry for you and your boy. Checking for depression with a doctor might be a good idea - what does the counselor do with him exactly? Teach him social skills? Let him talk about anything?

Answer 4

I feel for your son, that has to be so hard, and it has to be hard for you to know what he's going through. At my daughter's school the counselors work with kids with problems like this. They do "group" where they get a few kids together once a week to work different issues out. My daughter went to one of those groups last year because she won't really speak up for herself or what she wants. Then there was also a kid who is the opposite, almost to the point of being a bully, and I know one of the other kids was a girl who cried a lot at school. The counselor would have them play games and stuff to work on the skills they needed. For example she's encourage my daughter to choose the color she wanted to be since usually my daughter would let everyone else choose and then take what's left. And she would encourage the child who was pushy to be more patient and to wait her turn and accept that she can't always be in charge. I thought this approach was really effective. Don't give up on the school, talk to the counselor, principal, and push the issue. You are the only advocate your child has. If a school cannot meet the needs of your child, then legally they are required to help him get an education at a school where his needs are met. Good Luck.

Answer 5

I feel so sorry for your son!! This must be breaking your heart to see him so sad.

It is not normal for a 10 yo [or even a 6 yo] to cry over not being able to answer a question, esp with other kids around. He sounds hopeless and depressed to me.

He needs a chance to recover from this situation. I don't know if you are open to hsing, but it would be nice if you could pull him out of school now and hs him for the rest of this year. Is there any chance he could go to a different school next year? He'd have the chance to make a new start.

What might help, whether you can pull him out of school for awhile or not, is to really build him up. Spend a LOT of time with him, chatting and having fun and looking him in the eyes and smiling. Don't be overly-sympathetic when he is sad - try to get him involved in something fun instead of dwelling on how lonely he is. Teach him skills around the house - being proficient at things will build self-confidence. [You've tried to do this through sports - that really should have worked, okay!] Find someone that he can help on a regular basis. Helping others will build him up immensely, plus it will get his focus off himself.

Maybe you can find some new kids for him to hang around with - maybe at some kind of club or activity or at church.

Answer 6

That is sad. Very sad. I would address the issues about the kids picking on him with the Principal. Tell them that if they do not teach the kids respect your going to complain to the head of education. Kids are very mean now-a-days. Tell your son that no matter what, you always love him. I was picked on from the time I was 11 until I was 13.

to the lady above me: Home schooling only makes it worse for some kids. I am a homeschooling and I hate it. I withdrew from everyone and I didnt have any contact with anyone but my family. I wish that my mom would have forced me to be with them

Answer 7

He sounds sensitive which is not a negative thing, but his peers will see it that way. If it's possible for you I would consider changing schools mainly because the kids at his current school have already formed an opinion of him and it will be difficult to make them change their minds. He needs to learn to find different ways besides crying to deal with negative situations or he will not find acceptance at school now and especially in the future. We live in a society where boys are not supposed to cry openly and it's a harsh fact but that is the reality. Explain to him there are times where it is okay to get upset but that you don't need to cry and find a substitute thing to do. Maybe it's going outside to get a drink of water or taking a deep breath and counting to 10. Don't give up on seeing a counselor. Try a different one they may get through better than the previous one did.

Answer 8

Im very sorry to hear this. It is probably the most heartbraking thing a mother could go through. Has he been checked for depression? The whole crying becuase he dont get picked to answere a question, does mean he is sensitive. Yes sensitivity is different from depression, but i know from experience i cry for no reason at all at times, and im 25yrs old. The teasing and im sure bullying is not helping his self esteem. Its good that he trusts you enough to talk to you that is a real big plus, but sometimes itsn ot enough to talk to mom or dad, maybe take him to a counsler (sorry if you mentioned that in your add ons. i cant remember) and stay in the room with him, voice you concerns to the counsler, how it makes you feel to see him hurting, maybe he will open up to him/her. and they can help with getting him on track with his feelings, build his self confidence, and teach him how to maintain his self respect. Ok so i see where you said you took him to a counsler. sorry 'bout that. Maybe he wasnt comfortable with him/her. Maybe he would feel more comfortable with the opposite sex or even same sex theripist, then then one he had seen. I dont know but to me it seems he maybe depressed, anxious, and maybe even nervous about certian things. That maybe he cant tell you, becuase maybe he cant find the "right" words. I wish you luck hope i could help..

Answer 9

why not talk to a paediatrician about whether there are any classes in your area that teach social skills. It may be he is missing the social skills to interact with other kids. Get him into athletics to help build him up with running so he can keep up with other kids. He needs to go back to counselling to be taught the skills to cope with bullying (my son just did this its great)in ways other than crying. He has to learn to stop crying at school. He can come home and cry all he likes (as heartbreaking as that is) but never at school. You need to find a way to get him to another school so he can start afresh with all these skills. This is your child's mental health at stake. There is always a way. Good luck

Answer 10

Your son is probably in 4th or 5th grade. It looks like of what you have described, your son's stress is coming from a different source. Maybe he is sad because of something. Maybe he doesn't want to be in karate. Try talking to him and get to the problem slowly. Ask him what he wants to do and don't put him in things just because YOU think it is good for him. Hope this helps. E- mail me for more advice.